|Reviews for Secret Heart|
| John Astleford chapter 31 . 6/24
This was amazing. Thank you for creating this. Hopefully now that super is out you can write more. I read all 31 chapters in one sitting and you are talented
| Feedbacker chapter 11 . 4/15
This story is old, and I didn’t think I would ever review an old story. But here I am.
I’m here thanks to “The superman act” and I was a little curious about you then. I’ve read a bit of the drama that goes on your account and let just say that some people are dumb. Let’s just ignore them.
Why I’m writing this review now is because you genuinely want to improve, and I admire that. Really. Looking for good and bad reviews to help you improve is a great thing.
With what I had to say, I went a bit though your reviews to see if I wouldn’t just repeat what someone had already say and if my review would be really useful. And I didn’t so here I am.
Your first bad review on this story and I will try to be constructive about what I didn’t like in you work.
I have nothing against you personally, but someone have to tell you at some point because no one did (well, in the review section, I don’t know about your PM). Such a killjoy I am.
During those 11 chapters, the only thing I was thinking was that Gohan will be better and happier without Videl. I didn’t believe in their relationship. Why does he even love her? Because she is pretty? Because she has a nice smile? The girl kept harassing him, treating him like shit, avoid him, blackmail him, doesn’t even consider him as a friend when he is allowing her to stay at his home, she get pissed when he is in his right to decline and so go on.
I mean, seriously? The girl is acting like a kid, there’s nothing likable about that. Physics isn’t enough to be in love.
Which bring me to my main point: this relationship is unhealthy.
You love someone because they make you feel good, like a better version of yourself. During those chapter, the only thing Gohan was feeling is that he messed up, that he was the idiot – when most of the time, he was in his right – and hate himself about that. His love toward her doesn’t bring him happiness, she isn’t even nice to him! This is not about an one-sided love where he love a girl because she is nice and all. No, Videl is noisy, spoiled, haughty and thought that she has every right.
In a healthy relationship, the effort has to come from both of them to make the relation function, because you are two in a couple. In this story, everything is so one-sided. Gohan is always the one who apologies, who worries, who has to make up for everything, while Videl is the one who is supposedly hurt.
Which brings me to the thing I really didn’t like: you are agreeing with Videl when she is clearly in the wrong.
For the first stolen kiss, okay, I understand, Gohan was wrong.
But when she is forcing the truth out of him. I mean, she doesn’t know him for that long, it’s normal that he doesn’t want to tell her everything. She should let him open up, not try to force it out of him because he will not make her trust him at that point. The fact that she doesn’t understand that make her insensitive and insufferable.
When she forced him into a fight? The guy told her no, why can’t she accept that? And when he is backing off from the fight, she gets pissed? He told her that he don’t like to fight, and he didn’t even want to spar with her in the first place. So how is it possible that, at the end, it’s Gohan that messed up? I mean no, she can’t force him to fight, that’s just mean.
The second kiss. So now she is just toying with his feeling? Well, that’s just cruel.
Then, she knows that he is in love with her, so why does she keep giving him a hard time? It’s like she takes pleasure in knowing that she had an “advantage”. What kind of person is she? Lime is his childhood friend, of course they are close, why does she have to be so bitchy? And throwing a tantrum to go home alone when he kindly accepts you in his house?
At that point, I don’t even understand why he puts up with her. They are never happy with each other. For the time she stays at his house, she spends her time being mad and ungrateful. The guy accepted to let her meet his mom and she treat him like shit.
Anyway, I hope I wasn’t too salty. The reason I’m telling you all of this is because there is clearly something bad, and with the bit I could have read about your other works, it was the same. So if you really like writing romance, I have to tell you about how those relationship appear as being toxic and not what someone should be looking for when they like someone.
I hope you see this review and I hope I didn’t offense you. Sounds logical but I’m just talking about your work. Again, I didn’t read your fic where Gohan and Videl were already a couple or the post Buu fic, so maybe this is not what you are doing at all at the moment.
Still, I see potential in what you are writing, and I would like to read more, in particular recent works, to give you a better opinion.
| derektomlinson chapter 32 . 1/28
videl smirking at her boyfriend gohan slap next time just be honest with me from the start
| duranda chapter 32 . 1/6
Couldn't put the story down for a second! I really liked how you wrote Videl and Gohan, especially the latter, it was just very endearing! Great work! I'd recomend it highly to a fan of this cute pair!
| WhiteEagle1985 chapter 32 . 12/21/2019
A great story here!
| iMysticalDBZ chapter 6 . 5/5/2019
I like how you make the feelings start to appear really early in your stories rather than waiting a while. The first time I read Innocent Feelings (I think a few years ago not sure how long ago it was) I didn’t know if I’d like it, but I really do like how all your stories tend to do this. Good work here
| iMysticalDBZ chapter 4 . 5/5/2019
This is a really great story, idk how I haven’t read this yet... idk tho I may have. It seems a bit familiar
| STARFIREPUDDING chapter 31 . 3/7/2019
I saw what you did there in that moment just with GohanVideo instead. lolol
| dld51 chapter 31 . 10/8/2018
I like this story. The back and forward arguments and fighting. It did drive me crazy with how thick headed Gohan was. No matter what he could not get it into his head that Videl likes him.
| number1dbzgal chapter 1 . 9/16/2018
| Rebmul chapter 10 . 9/8/2018
this is why I cant stand women sometimes they send mixed signals although gohan isn't any better in this
| NightApproaches chapter 1 . 5/2/2018
I cringdd throuh this story cringe face
| dere013 chapter 31 . 11/26/2017
a really good, interesting and touching story.
| DBZBV1991 chapter 32 . 11/10/2017
It might be a bit cheesy in some parts, but I really enjoyed your story! And thank you so much for the bonus scene! I waited 31 chapters for it xD your style of writing got better and better with every chapter and I like your try on a slight AU
| SSGSSGoku21 chapter 8 . 11/7/2017
Wait wasn't Gohaun going yo teach Videl to fly in chapter 7-ish