|Reviews for Luineyende|
| Larner chapter 9 . 4/26/2009
Interesting weaving in of the movie scenes and dialogue. And now they are separated?
Pneumonia? Yecch! The husband went through that twice-NOT fun! Saradoc was properly spelled.
| lorien13 chapter 9 . 4/25/2009
i LOVE the change in the flashbacks! That's totally how it is! Great job!
"battle cries and curse"
"battle cries and curses" m'dear
"down into the memories of battle-"
You know, I would cut this sentence off, just to show how powerful the memories are, how close to losing it he really is. He can't think straight. I would make it this:
"down into the memoriesof-"
"when had it fallen"
"when had it fallen?"
"He had no idea what had happened to Elluine."
He has no idea aobut anything cuz he's unconcious, honey. I would make it even more gut punching:
"Elluine was not next to him"
or something like that.
But 'tis AWESOME! Totally love the flashbacks! Great job babe!
| HerLadyship chapter 9 . 4/23/2009
This story is amazing! Ican't believe you thought this up. The characters are so real. Love it. Please update soon.
| lorien13 chapter 9 . 4/23/2009
"...then lounge around in Bilbo's library for the better partbof the day."
"partbof" isn't a word, m'dear
that's awesome, how you put Frodo in, mixing the book with the movie.
"Ah, but he loved the Shire."
uh, that sentence is a little funny for an intro, with the "but" at the beginning. I would put "how" instead of "but"
"As it was, infantile cliffs "
Those aren't cliffs, even for Hobbits, only hills that had a cut in them.
"staring at the wizard old man sighed "
dunno if you meant "staring as," but the sentence is totally off
something you should know: when you shut your eyes and you're flashing back so hard your seeing things, you see it even more clearly. It's harder to stay in the present. What I try to do is stare at what I know is in the here and now and try to focus on that.
again, he would have been fading in and out of conciousness, and would have had all sorts of memories crowding in on his mind at one time, that's the only thing that would make him be so lost he would be in the forest and unconcious for hours without knowing anything.
for a hint on how to write a flashback, the only thing that really describs the emotions that flow with them is something poetic. So make the flashback a little more poetic.
| passingwhisper chapter 9 . 4/22/2009
i LOVE this story. please keep it up.
my only critque is that there is so many differences between the village people that i get confused as to what your talking about when you refer to them by their race and not name.
what happens to elluines friends, the eagle girl and the dryad?
| lorien13 chapter 5 . 4/5/2009
love the changes, babe. Great job!
| Larner chapter 8 . 2/14/2009
JCS was one of my favorite movies when I was younger-saw it in the theater several times, and introduced my husband and family to it.
My mother introduce ME to it.
Love the reference.
Now, healing is begun!
Pippin's mother was Eglantine Banks Took. Esmeralda Took Brandybuck was his aunt, Paladin Took's younger sister; and Merry's mother. The one correction I'd think to offer at this time.
Look forward to seeing the story continued. Now-to finish MY next chapters! Heh!
| Larner chapter 7 . 2/14/2009
Most interesting. Am glad Aragorn finally got to treat Elluine, and that Anar finally slept. Now, if Halbarad will calm down perhaps they can get somewhere.
Does Elluine hide wings or the beginnings thereof?
| Elemarth chapter 7 . 1/31/2009
How is there a half-elf in the Rangers? I thought the only half-elf at this time was Elrond.
Otherwise, good chapter.
| Larner chapter 6 . 1/28/2009
Anar needs to trust Aragorn, for he's just met the healer Ellie needs at the moment, I suspect. And for him to sense Aragorn's nobility is wonderful.
And they are already being warned of Sauron's rising. Combine and survive is usually a good strategy!
Excellent. Now, to wait for the next chapters.
| Larner chapter 5 . 1/28/2009
No typos, but the paragraph in which Anar faces the Mistress was repeated.
Fascinating to see the complex laws. These Faerie do appear to be a vicious bunch compared to the other folk of Middle Earth. Now, to see Ellie to Hobbiton and under Frodo's protection.
| Elemarth chapter 3 . 1/10/2009
You don't need to keep italicizing Tavari. After we've seen the name a few times, it's just distracting.
I'm amazed by all your inputs. I didn't see where One Tin Soldier came in, but I'll take your word for it. :)
| Elemarth chapter 2 . 1/9/2009
, Alfred thought to himself as he came out into the clearing where the three houses that made up the Village stood.
What little Hobbit lad would wear shoes?
1) There is an break in the middle of the paragraph.
2) All of this is in italics, and only some is thoughts.
It's confusing at the moment, but it's interesting enough for me to read more.
| Lor chapter 2 . 1/7/2009
ROTFLMAO! That author's note floored me. You're such a dork! Now, onto the actually story!
*snort* the line about "moon" houses is amusing
LMAO! Who's the little brat? gosh, he's loving giving the poor fat hobbit a heart attack!
The grinding up of the rats is a little freaky...then again, their Fae, and the Fae are very...fae.
And now, the two girls start fighting. Isn't it amazing how one person getting angry can affect the people around them?
"That was why she didn’t try to square off against the younger girl" From here on, I'm not sure who you're talking about. You need to clarify who's who.
save to in turn save your life
huh? confusing line
well, it's interesting. Nice to know why their so mad about the whole situation.
| lorien13 chapter 1 . 1/7/2009
called it the Village, and so it was, though decent, peaceful, normal folk
Should change it to: "...called it the Village. And so it was, though decent, peaceful, normal folk..."
It's a little long, so you should cut it up into two.
so folks didn’t, either.
not sure about that comma...
Camellia Baggins, nee Sackville
Bilbo Baggins one-hundred-and-eleventh birthday
Bilbo Baggins' one hundred-and-eleventh birthday
I like it. It's deep, and it sounds like a hobbit is talking! Nice rewrite, Ray!