Reviews for Retrovirus
SomeGuyOverHere chapter 1 . 1/27/2012
I've only read the first chapter, but because it's you, I know this is gonna be awesome! Thank you for supplying the cure to my boredom and stress.
Shyne2G2 chapter 11 . 6/8/2010
Definitely one of the best stories I've read on . Pacing of the story is tremendous. The way you're developing the characters and their backstory leaves me wanting to read on. Top Notch friend.
Mr. Snarks chapter 36 . 8/23/2009
Wow. All I can say. Wow
Sky66 chapter 37 . 2/20/2009
I am amazed and 'wowed.' That was one of the most surprising road trips I have taken. The lay out of the story, the plot, the action, themes of love and terror, it all fit like a perfectly made puzzle. What really made me laugh and smile was the epilogue. What a way to go, out living everyone else and then becoming history, what a way to go. Overall, the blend was perfect and this is definetely a keeper for the archives. Please do make a sequal, I would love to get on board that train ride if the ticket is available and the conductor is willing, I would go for it. Well, I must leave. I hope when I come back a new story is here to read. Until then, good luck and keep up the great work.

-Sky66
Lord Europe chapter 37 . 6/21/2008
I liked it, the last few chapters were some of the best although the cure for Nalia is a bit sketchy and lacks information :)

The ending gave me some late 80s early 90s vibes when these sort of endings were popular in movies, a nice touch.

A good and interesting story, crank out some more when you can.
Lord Europe chapter 28 . 6/19/2008
Yea, I've been following it for a few weeks.

The story is original and interesting but might have been a bit rushed. It might be a preference of mine but I enjoy when there is a mystery involved, that exists throughout the entire story. Have you read The Da Vinci Code? Sort of like that, how he preserves the sense of mystery throughout the entire book until the very end, I think J.K Rowling does it as well to a degree.

To keep the sense of mystery but give away tiny clues every now and then. 4/5 of the story involves the investigation and character development and 1/5 involves the virus.

Character flaws is something I personally put a lot of weight in, Dalora and Nalia both have this, it's what makes them human. Lucas and Julland lack this and have the dark past instead, it works, but not as well as with Dalora and Nalia.

The characters also tend to be a bit stereotypical, you got the hard ass cop (Nalia), the innocent one (Jima), The soldier and cop with a dark past (Julland and Lucas). Dalora is relatively original compared to the others.

The actual writing is very good with excellent descriptions of the environment, actions and feelings. The character interaction between all of them is done well.

The occasional joke and quip work well and makes the characters come alive.

I'd say you need slow things down right now, preserve the mystery that keeps us coming back wanting more. Explore the characters more, their thoughts, opinions and experiences. Describe their reactions more as well, maybe how their stance alters, how their eyebrows furrow?, eyes widening/narrowing?

You have an excellent opportunity here to explore Nalia as she reacts to having the virus inside her, will she brake? does she give up? anger? sorrow? acceptance? remorse?

But don't worry I'd give the story a 8/10, it is only the details that need working on.
Lord Europe chapter 30 . 6/19/2008
I hope your not thinking of letting Jima discover a cure in the next 5 minutes and everything becomes peachy after that, huge minus if you do.
Parle chapter 23 . 6/12/2008
Are you by any chance paralleling ME universe canon characters to your OCs? It does appear that way, with slight variations, naturally. I can see where many of your themes are going already and who ends up with who, a predictable ending perhaps, or a predictable path where each character is going.
TexasJedi82 chapter 13 . 6/3/2008
Good work. I really liked the last couple of chapters. There are a few proofreading errors, but overall the readability of these chapters is great. The flashbacks for Lucas were a little confusing at first, but they add to the depth of his character and are a convenient and useful way to tell his back-story. Keep up the good work and I look forward to the next chapters.
Parle chapter 1 . 5/30/2008
I normally don't care for First point of view stories, but there are a few that I have ventured into and found good to read.

Like you said in your message to me, that I should stay tuned for this story and see some elements of the paragon/renegade bars on a certain character, I like what you've done so far.

There were just a few grammatical errors, but it's nothing big. I hardly ever noticed actually, unless I look for it.

Hopefully, you'll update soon.
TexasJedi82 chapter 9 . 5/29/2008
Very interesting story, I look forward to the next chapter.

-Jason
TexasJedi82 chapter 7 . 5/27/2008
Good story. I look forward to the next chapter. A few proofreading errors, but nothing major. Keep up the good work.

-Jason
ilmiopassato chapter 2 . 5/27/2008
Very good writing so far. Keep it up!