|Reviews for Lines Across A Canvas|
| Kyndsie chapter 1 . 8/28/2012
:) LOVE the ending! Sorry, Jareth, you have to wait until after dinner!
| Thegoblinqueen1998 chapter 1 . 4/10/2012
| FatesMistake chapter 1 . 12/19/2011
As to Sarah's whispered words: I imagine her swearing colorfully, something along the lines of "Damn you, Jareth, you and you're (bleep bleep bleep) smirk. I need you!" And in reference to your ridiculous ending notion that you "cannot do fluff": It would appear you can.
| Bleeding Jazz Gums chapter 1 . 3/9/2009
x3 This was awesome!
Your wording was fantastic. :3 It seemed to me as if you took care with how you wrote it, just like Sarah was taking care on how she drew Jareth.8D
"Damn it all."
| solitaire-addict chapter 1 . 11/11/2008
squee! yes you can write fluff! i loves it! :D and yea, inspiration's always popping in uninvited :P
| LadyVampyre666 chapter 1 . 7/21/2008
yeah! woot! lawl
lovin' it! i think it's awesome :D
i can never write good stories when it comes to J/S.. i've refused to publish them until they don't make me turn into a tomato with embarasment (then again, im probably more immature than.. an.. immature.. thing... and INCREDIBLY dirty minded whish im pretty sure doesn't help. dammit! i've rambled off again, havn't i? *hits self*)
anyway, i fraggin' LOVE IT!
more? please? lawl :P
| Dark Roswellian Angel chapter 1 . 6/7/2008
I loved this. I could visualize her painting and how it affected him. The emotions were so realistic and beautiful. The way he held her and reacted to her were meltworthy. "Well worth it" was endearing. Wasn't a huge fan of the ending because it reminded me that she was still so young and they were pulled apart. But overall, I really, really liked it.
| Sargent Snarky chapter 1 . 6/2/2008
Ack! I am so sorry I didn’t get to the sooner! X_x Good lord, I am so absent minded. I should have stapled a post-it to my forehead, and then maybe I’d’ve remembered.
Well, now that I /have/ remembered… review time!
Firstlies… aw! It wasn’t too fluffy in the slightest. I think it’s often best when people who are leery about writing fluff write it, because it makes them more cautious about making things cheesy or drippy. I enjoyed reading this very much. :) It’s nice to picture a Jareth who is smitten and yet not a completely arrogant prick about it…
Although I have to say… the way he sits outside her window and watches her –cough- /owlishly/ does make him seem like something of a creeper. Maybe even a stalker. o
-cough- Moving on…
I am afraid I don’t really have much concrit for you, as there wasn’t much even slightly wrong with this fic. It was a delight to read all the way through, and I saw no glaring errors. You adhered to the basics of keeping your tense the same, and your use of fragments works.
The only complaint I have would be with some of your punctuation involving quotes. You seem to be a little ellipsis happy in spots. Heh. For instance, near the end:
“I said... ‘Well worth it.’” He tightens his embrace.
It would be better if you replaced the … with a comma. A comma naturally tends to indicate a pause in someone’s speaking (not always, but often enough), so to add the extra pause of an ellipsis seems unnecessary.
Also, there are a few instances like so:
“Jareth...” she whispers. “I–”
Again, the … ought to be a comma, in my opinion. It’s one thing if you didn’t have the ‘she whispers’ in there, but you do, and that necessitates a comma after Jareth.
Also, one more instance of this ellipsis/punctuation trouble:
“Sarah, after everything I’ve done for you...” he knows she can feel his stare on her neck, her cheek – “How could you possibly think I hate you?”
I think one of two things should be done with this: Either the ellipsis and hyphens should be commas, and the H of how should be lowercase OR the ellipsis should be a hyphen, and the h of he should be uppercase.
So, it’s not your style with words that’s the problem so much as some of your punctuation is weird. I didn’t see any other issues with this story, though, and like I said, I quite enjoyed it. :D A worthy initial foray into the world of Labyrinth fanfic!
I hope this helped…?
Love & duckies,
PS: … yes, duckies. Don’t ask why – even I am not sure. xD
| Ashen-Star-Eclipse chapter 1 . 6/2/2008
| Katchelle87 chapter 1 . 5/29/2008
This is very good!
| OceanFae chapter 1 . 5/27/2008
GREAT! You did perfect at leaving all the sappy crappy stuff out and sticking to the raw basics. The basics are the most amusing, anyways.
| SilverDreamer chapter 1 . 5/27/2008
I don't review or bookmark much fanfiction. This piece makes the cut. It's not really sappy, just wonderfully cute with that perfect levening pinch of humor. Nor is it so very immature and so incredibly far away from the characters that I can't choke it down (you wouldn't believe how much there is in that I can't manage reading past the first paragraph-well, perhaps you can). It's a different approach to Jareth certainly. Most writers wouldn't allow him to bend so. They would have him choke to death on stiff-necked pride before he would ever come to her without arrogance. A modified version of that works for some stories, but I like this view of Jareth. This is one of the few examples of a Jareth that doesn't cause me to want to strangle him or give up in pure disgust.
In case you care, some of the other Labyrinth stories that I think are in the same (lofty?) realm as this one are: 'A Piece of Cake' and 'The Goblin King and I' by MartiOwlsten; 'Letters' and 'Thy Bog Overfloweth' by Wolfish Oro; 'The Daydreamer and the King' by DanikaLareyna; and 'Muck', a collaborative piece by MartiOwlsten and DanikaLareyna.
So, you're in good company-at least in my humble opinion.
Good luck with future writings.
| notwritten chapter 1 . 5/27/2008
Reading this chapter has been enjoyable, and it is a fine one at that. Keep smiling. :-)
| Kore-of-Myth chapter 1 . 5/27/2008
Loved this! Loved this! Loved this!
(And I'm a good judge of fluff, so I'll tell you this - this wasn't too fluffy at all. Perfect!)
| Shifta Shi-Chan chapter 1 . 5/27/2008
Bwahahaha... Oh, gods... The last line made me giggle.