|Reviews for Fight|
| Issues chapter 1 . 7/31/2011
1) "Well... you do take two of your main duties for granted,"
'for granted' is not the phrase you are looking for unless you mean to say that he is not holding up two of his main duties along with the third issue (which given that the next bit was a 'what about this other duty' I do not think you mean what you have written).
2) sorcecer is not the word you are looking for. The word you are looking for is sorcerer.
3) asassinated again is not the word you are looking for. The word you are looking for is assassinated.
4) trough is again not the right word, the word is through.
5) I told you think ... 'I told you I think' is likely what this is supposed to have written as the sentence does not make sense otherwise.
6) ALSO: getting a child ... Are you serious? He's not stealing a baby. He's needing to get his wife with child (if you want to stick to the 'getting' bit) or getting his wife pregnant would also cover this. Getting a child seems more like an illegal act than a normal process between spouses.
7) keep your marriage clean ... I don't even know if that's a phrase used where you come from but ... It makes no sense to me. keep your marriage civil perhaps? As in not fighting ... clean would seem to imply that there's extra people in the marriage making it dirty rather than just a husband and wife arguing.
8) "She did make good impression ... make _a_ good impression. Brand is coming off as being unable to speak coherently here which given that he was leading the Rivan nation before Garion showed up, I doubt he sounds like this.
9) was out of question ... out of _the_ question. Or would be madness would also work.
10) percieved is not the word you were looking for. perceived is the word you were looking for.
Please take the time to run the document through a spell checker to get rid of the spelling mistakes. The grammar mistakes might be picked up by a grammar check program but likely not. Having a beta reader is a good idea so that they can help you throw weird turns of phrase or missing words.
| Trinkets88 chapter 2 . 6/30/2008
Sorry, I didn't like the second chapter. None of the Brand characters would ever threaten to cut his son's head off; that just isn't their personality.
| myvantage84 chapter 2 . 6/5/2008
Funny, I liked the second chapter better than the first. Verdan/Bralon has potential, I hope you write more for him - maybe you could keep him from losing that deceptive streak altogether...?
| GoldenRat chapter 1 . 5/29/2008
A bit of a behind the scenes for the book.
| Demons Of Doom chapter 1 . 5/29/2008
That was a nice read Very true to the book's style.