|Reviews for Dare or dare|
| Angel Dutchess chapter 1 . 1/10/2015
Just what I wanted ,Thank YOU...
| Sasukebiggestfan chapter 1 . 6/29/2014
I love this it was so cute
| uchiha.sakura.23 chapter 1 . 10/10/2012
| OlivHarvestLily chapter 1 . 1/15/2012
Everything was kinda sudden but who am I to say that? I'm no better :)
| C.a.s chapter 1 . 7/13/2010
Not the best lemon on earth but still it was pretty good. My only problem was how the flow of it was off and how come there so danm horny...Not that I really mind though ;-)
| WC1020 chapter 1 . 2/9/2010
The beginning of a story, essay, ANYTHING is extremely important because that's what draws in the reader. And you almost did just that. You started out well, but then it became really rushed.
From "...raced towards the door of the dorm building soaking wet", you suddenly jumped to "Once inside they headed to room 345C, Sasuke's dorm..." which REALLY broke the flow of the story. And just from that, I already began to dislike it.
[ " You can change in my bathroom, it's the door on the left." ]
Mind telling me WHY there's always a space between the quotation marks and the dialogue? Honestly, it's rather distracting, and rather annoying.
Don't be lazy. Make sure you spell words correctly (if not, at least use a spellcheck. How hard is that?) Okay is NOT "ok". Television is not "tv".
[" Hey Sasuke, lets play dare or dare." Sasuke pondered then shrugged, " Since it was your idea, you can go first," he replied. Sakura nodded and sat there thinking untill she grinned and faced him,]
Make sure it's TWO seperate paragraphs when TWO different people are talking. Also, instead of the period after "dare", a comma should've been in its' place. The comma after "him" is incorrect. You should've just ended it with a period. There's so many mistakes with this one "paragraph" that it's almost funny.
[ "Hey, Sasuke, let's play dare or dare," Sakura said.
Sasuke pondered FOR A MOMENT, then shrugged. "SURE. Since it was your idea, you can go first," he told her.
Sakura odded and sat there thinking until SHE WAS HIT WITH AN IDEA. Grinning, she faced him. ]
Honestly, that's still crap. But what's the point of fixing crap? Well, whatever. I'm sure you got the general idea, at least, don't you?
There is a MAJOR problem with the pace of the story. Not only does it just rush through everything, the dailogue is just so awkward. You're only 14 (according to your profile) and you're writing a 'lemon'? Of course, a lemon is just basically porn. You know that right? This kind of stuff isn't even ALLOWED on Fanfiction. (That's why there's a "cool" website called 'Adultfanfiction') Also, not only does this story sound like a perverted-13-year-old-who-doesn't-know-what-they're-doing wrote this, but there's repeated mistakes everywhere. I mean even a 10-year-old can write a better 'story' than this. Everything is just so rushed, spelling and punctuationn mistakes, the characters are so OOC it's annoying. I'd recommend for you to actually look over what you write before you upload it onto FFM, demanding for reviews. If you can't even do that, at the very least get a Beta Reader.
Plain and simple: This was just CRAP. Really shitty, smelly dog crap.
This is not a flame, if that's what you're thinking. Constructive criticism, you could say? But stay about from 'lemons'. Better yet, stay away from FFN. The characters aren't even them anymore. They're YOUR own characters who share the same names as my favorite characters. So how about you write your own original stories, instead? You won't have to worry about getting the characters OOC. :)
| Butterfly Blossom chapter 1 . 2/8/2010
OMG. That... WAS SEXY! XD Great idea for a love fan fiction and lemon. I really liked it. More SasuSaku! And keep up the good work!
| Sakura Raika97 chapter 1 . 10/25/2009
| mackenzie2388 chapter 1 . 7/1/2009
that was a really good story and it was not stupid at all
| kojixyami cuttie chapter 1 . 6/12/2009
aww cute i like it
| sakusakufan101 chapter 1 . 12/3/2008
| Kigo-san chapter 1 . 11/15/2008
this deserves #1 on the charts 4 the most aquard sasusaku fanfic, good job though i must admit creepy sasuke's a perv! RUN SAKURA! ;3
| Myztic Aura chapter 1 . 8/7/2008
Great story! Maybe you could write more on this storyline. Like them dating or dealing with each others fan club, I just absolutely love a jealous Sasuke!
| tohruxkyoxyukilover chapter 1 . 8/6/2008
aw so cute! loved it! absolutely loved it!
| SasuSaku4 chapter 1 . 7/21/2008
u think its stupid i thinked it rocked make another 1 plz plz plz plz i beg of u!