|Reviews for Stony Choices|
| cutelitleemogirl chapter 5 . 1/6
I liked to know what hapens next
It's raly interesting
| Opal chapter 5 . 10/8/2014
Why does Valmont want jade to join the dark hand and what happens at the meeting I want to know!
| yamiduke13 chapter 5 . 4/8/2014
So far this has been very interesting and I hope you continue writing it.
| Castielismybff chapter 5 . 12/3/2013
Please write more you terrible person it's been 7 frickin years and I want more!'
| Demoness Kneesocks chapter 5 . 3/10/2013
When are you gonna put up another chapter?
| oddgoth chapter 5 . 6/3/2012
Dude cliffhanger much? it was really good though and I cant wait for an update:)
| Melancholy's Sunshine chapter 5 . 6/20/2011
Need to continue
| Saiyasha Misamurai chapter 5 . 7/12/2009
Interesting... I'd like to know what happens next.
| Pen Against Sword chapter 5 . 7/9/2009
It's too bad you're not updating this anymore because I feel it has a lot of potential.
I'm going to leave you some heavy constructive criticism, though, and before I do I want to be clear on the fact that I like this story, and I hope this advice can help to improve an already good writer. None of this is to bash you - I don't leave con-crit unless I actually LIKE a story.
First, you've got some noticeable grammar and punctuation mess-ups. Just some examples: "Sad to say, that was the last thing she actually do." I think what you're trying to say is "Sad to say, that was the last thing she actually COULD do." Or maybe "did"? Either way, that doesn't make sense.
"Her Capri’s were a dark blue" - why the apostrophe here? The capris aren't owning anything, so the apostrophe is not required.
"As she slid in with a crowd who was waiting to cross the road" - a crowd is not a "who." It's a "that."
One major punctuation no-no you're committing is that your dialogue punctuation is incorrect. You've got periods where there should be commas when someone speaks, and vice versa. Sometimes it's right, sometimes it's not. It's inconsistent. If you'd like a good guide on the correct way to do it, you can reply to this and let me know, and I'll send you the little guide that taught ME how to punctuate dialogue correctly. Lots of readers will thank you for correcting that.
It's those sort of mistakes that a good, HONEST beta can catch for you, and which will draw in more readers. I noticed you said you wanted reviews. If you clean up your grammar and punctuation mistakes, you can get a lot more people to review. When people know you took extra care with your fic, they will also take extra care with your fic.
Your chapters are also really short. Longer chapters means more reviewers. Trust me on that one. ;D If there is more to read in your updates, your reviewers will have more to comment on and will have more to say about your chapter. Try having a bit more substance.
Your characterization of Jade seems a little bit flat. I'm not seeing much *JADE* (stars for emphasis, 'cause she's energetic that way XP) to her yet. I'm just seeing a generic main character with Jade's name. Sure she's a little more grown up now, but she can still be Jade.
But! Enough of all that constructive criticism. Let's move onto telling you things I really like about this fic.
For one, this is an awesome idea you have. I like the idea of Valmont poisoning her to use her as a weapon against Jackie. I think that's just the sort of thing he would do, especially after he lost all his fortune in the last seasons and we never saw him again. That's a perfect come-back move for him.
I also like that she's too afraid to go to her family for help after the whole Section 13 thing. That just seems like a very Jade feeling to have, not wanting to burden others with her problems.
You have a pretty solid style going on here, which is good for a writer. It means you're going to have a distinct voice that'll make you stick out from other drivel on this website. Good for you.
I empathize with Jade at the beginning of college paperwork. Blah. I'm starting college myself soon, and it's been a nightmare of paperwork for me. It's a very human feeling you've got going with that.
And now I'm sorry for writing such a long, rambling review. Thanks very much for taking the time write, LilyHellsing. I like your fic a lot, and I think it's good, but it could also be excellent.
Let me know your thoughts and feelings on this review! I'm always open for discussion. And if you need help with anything, just PM me. I'm game.
Happy writing. :D
| Scaramouche Khashoggi chapter 5 . 3/26/2009
I really like the story. I wonder though, didn't the venom work much faster in the episode? I suppose its just some different strain.
Your pace in the chapters is good. Keep it up, i can't wait to read the next one!
| The Liar Of Truth chapter 5 . 3/2/2009
awesome! hooked on both your jackie chan stories, the 'cruel christmas' and this story. update pretty please
| Georgina of Dragons chapter 5 . 1/9/2009
This is very intriqing.
| Natalie Daniels chapter 5 . 12/6/2008
i love this pairing! you need to continue
| hisokauzumaki chapter 5 . 10/5/2008
please update soon!
ps, why doesn't she heal herself with the horse talisman?
| Nightcrawlerlover chapter 5 . 8/9/2008
Oh, the drama gets bigger...! Keep up your brilliant writing!