Let the good times roll!

This is pretty good I've watched a fair amount of Gundam UC (My favorite from that timelin is Gundam 08th MS Team and I also watched the first series and Gundam Zeta) but I have yet to watch G-Gundam and this fic is good enough to make me go look for it!

so you ever gonna revive this fanfic? it has alot of potental :)

That's nice.

Ugh! How lame! Poorly written, a mishmash of immature ideas, crossover into UC Gundam (wrong section, dumbass!) all lead me to give you a much deserved grade of F for Failboat!

Now take this travesty down and never touch my internets again.

Okay, first off; I understand that this is probably your first time writting fanfiction, which is why I'm leaving this so called 'flame', it's better we take care of easy mistakes first before they become routine and you have a whole tome of written work riddled with amature errors instead of just one chapter. So don't let this discourage you; even Dante Aligheri had help.

Anybody who would read a G Gundam fic already knows all about G Gundam. The summery is redundant and explaining the plot only serves to insult the intellegence of your readers. I don't read Tokyo Mew Mew fanfiction because I've never seen or read it. Why would anybody read fan fiction concerning anime they know nothing about?

Next, in a title, the first letters of all nouns and verbs are capitalized. "Chapter 1: The Warrior's Decent: The Darkness Becomes Light."

Runons are nobody's friend; but commas are. This is a grammatically corrected version of your first paragraphs; “Brother, shall we begin?” a young pilot asked. His hand twitched in excitement at the controls. The youth’s MS showed his eagerness to fight; his primary choice in combat was the RX-139 Hambrabi.

Eliminate the model numbers in the dialog, nobody refers to equipment by its model number if they can help it. For the sake of brevity, people will invent something to callit. How many 'Andy's do you know? Is it the 249 Squad Automatic Weapon, or do soilders simply call it the 'SAW'? Consider this; has Domon ever referred to the Shining Gundam as GF13-017NJ? Has Amuro ever called Gundam the RX78-2? Of course not, everybody knows what they were talking about just by using its name. Model numbers are used in when ordering supplies and in technical jargon; mention the model number once when the mobile suit is introduced if you must. This may mean you might have to introduce nicknames if they aren't common sense. Try to introduce them during the natural pauses in speach, but as a whole, they are entirely unnessesary.

The dialog seems like it's trying to force too much of the plot, mobile suit weapons, or charactor's personality traits through. Remember, actions do speak louder then words. Get with a buddy that has a good handle on the written English langauge and a grasp on lituature to betaread this before it's published. It's very hard to take a written peice seriously when it's riddled with errors; I (and I'm assuming many other potential reviewers) found myself distracted from the plot because of them. I would have tackled your syntax, but I think what I pointed out will make a good start.

And finally; What on Earth does this have to do with G Gundam? I would put this in the UC catagory.