Reviews for One chip, one thought
Guest chapter 1 . 3/18
This may be a good story, but it is hard to tell. When submitting something for other people to read, it is important to be sure it is correct as to spelling, grammar, punctuation, and sentence structure.
This story has a good idea behind it, but it is difficult to read and full of errors.
jjgeraghty chapter 2 . 1/23
I loved this I hope you continue it!
ISISDaWonder chapter 1 . 1/18
A few tips:

1. In writing, punctuation is everything. Use periods, commas, etc to prevent run-on sentences. Run-on sentences will make the whole story fall completely apart. Readers lose interest when meaning cannot be detected.

Example: Everyone else was out doing his or her own thing while the raven-haired surgeon, known as Hawkeye, was alone at the Officer's Club having a beer. Well, Igor was behind the counter; but you could say Hawkeye was alone.

2. Use quotation marks for dialogue and thoughts. Set dialogue between characters apart from the descriptive paragraphs.


"This is kind of nice," Hawkeye thought. "No women, no patients, nothing. Just my thoughts and me." He took a sip of his beer and his thoughts drifted off to his closest friends. They stopped on Margaret. "She seemed to be the one constant here in Korea.", he thought. "Trapper left. Henry was killed. Poor Henry." Hawkeye reminisced as he took a much larger sip of his beer.


Hawkeye got up and walked over to Igor. "Chips?", He asked.

"Chips?", questioned Igor.

"You know, poker chips.", Hawkeye impatiently replied.

"Oh, right.", Igor handed Hawkeye a container filled with poker chips.

"Thanks.", Hawkeye said as he walked back to his spot.

3. Proofread your work. Read over and edit your work before publishing. Check for spelling, grammar, punctuation, and mechanics errors. These are the basics in writing; and when overlooked, the writing loses its appeal to the reader.

This story looks like the beginning of something good. I would love to read more of it. Keep going.
Hazmatt chapter 1 . 4/12/2009
Intriguing! I really enjoyed it!
Ellen Fitzwilliam Brandybuck chapter 1 . 7/4/2008
Oh good! Very well done!
beahawk chapter 1 . 6/21/2008
You have to go on with this, even if it is only for one more chapter. Clever idea with the poker chips.
Meatball Surgeons chapter 1 . 6/9/2008
Oh, please don't stop there! You must update or write a sequel so we know what Hawkeye is doing and where he's going with the little chip experiment.
theswordkilledthepen chapter 1 . 6/9/2008
Okay, this is good. Now I have to ask...where's the rest?
Paulina'sHM chapter 1 . 6/8/2008
I love it! Please write more for this.