|Reviews for Tales of the Cosmic Wars Vol 2 A Star|
| Piccolo Sky chapter 25 . 6/23/2013
In situations with "evil good guy", I always thought that you didn't have to worry about trying to get your buddy to "snap out of it" until they were reduced to a bleeding, broken pile. Then you can try reasoning with them. :P
...You have GOT to be kidding me. The worthless wimp, the only one who was really lying when she said she cared, is the person who was supposed to get him to stop? Darth...I'm sorry...I feel like you're genuinely insulting my intelligence now.
True feelings, my a**. What true feelings? That I'm willing to be wishy-washy and I'll say I like you as a friend, maybe, possibly, every once in a while whenever my boyfriend isn't around? Somebody slap that nitwit.
While I think Kira should be dragged off to the gas chambers himself, eh, Ben should get the same punishment.
| Piccolo Sky chapter 24 . 6/23/2013
As you can see, I'm deciding to read a few today. Then again, since I'm "skimming" the battles, it doesn't take so long.
I think the Hiruumon was revealed a bit too quickly. Otherwise (if you hadn't have hinted at it earlier), I would have had a harder time guessing the twist. As you can tell from my last review, you DID catch me off guard at first, but then I remembered.
Hmm...probably too much to hope that Ben or Lacus will die in this... But you never know.
| Piccolo Sky chapter 23 . 6/23/2013
Well, apparently Cloud is wrong. Even if you directly betray the order, they still don't kick you out...or Kira would be gone. :P
"Oh Ben, I never forgot that promise." ...Can I hit her in the back of the head with a crowbar now or after I spit in her face? Miserable excuse of a person... Her phony "fairy princess" crap is getting old.
Alright, before I read another chapter, let's get this cleared up. How many more people do you have to add to the list of "people to kill" in this story? Every third chapter there's someone else... I'm wanting to know because I'm doing a lot of "skimming" when these things happen as opposed to reading. Since pretty much every fight is becoming identical except for names of attacks, I just do a quick glance to see, "Alright, is this fight a one sided stalemate like all the others? Yes? Scroll to the end and move on..." Aside from every villain being identical (from their modus operandi to all of them saying the exact same things and having the exact same personality), this story is starting to suffer from the "Predetermined Tie" effect that was in movies a couple years back. Remember "The Matrix Reloaded"? Nice as the fight scene between Neo and multiple Smiths in that movie was...it wasn't exciting because Smith would just keep replicating himself and as soon as Neo "got bored", he'd just fly away. In other words...no way for either side to win. Remember the first "Pirates of the Caribbean" movie? It had a lame final battle because both Jack Sparrow and Barbossa were cursed and immortal. Who cares if they dueled each other? They could just stand across from each other and stab each other repeatedly, and they'd have the same result...nothing. I'm starting to get that sense from this story since all villains can escape at will and the protagonists can't hurt them anyway, but the protagonists themselves won't die unless they were introduced for that purpose and to quickly generate "drama".
As in volume one...I think this story would benefit a great deal from removing unnecessary battles and making the "relevant" ones stand out more. Because, heck, another problem with putting too many battles in is you eventually reach the point: "...Dang, what else can I have them do that they haven't done already?"
| Piccolo Sky chapter 21 . 6/16/2013
Well, although I wish it would have had more time to get elaborated on, I'm glad Ben at least said one sentence that pointed out the elephant in the room.
...Did Brad actually accuse a guy of having an overblown ego? That's not a pot calling a kettle black. That's the color BLACK calling a kettle black.
By the way, Lacus has crossed a horizon now, and your own cast just made it clear. There's probably nothing you can write that will ever make me see her favorable. In fact, if Ben keeps liking her or liking her later, that's a character flaw on Ben's part. She's pathetic and hopeless. Please...don't try to make excuses for her. Don't try to make me understand. There's nothing you can reveal at this point that will make me like her or think of her as more than trash. Absolutely NOTHING. It's far too late for that unless you rewrite her character. As it is, she's spineless and worthless. If the bad guys capture her now, I hope they kill her. I think at this point I'd only laugh at her the day Brad decides to start raping her, assuming he hasn't already.
The only thing you can do now is have Ben start hating her, or at least distancing himself from her, and introducing a new female character that he really can attach to. Even if you didn't do the last part, I would respect Ben's character more if you did that. I'll be disgusted with him if he ends up with Lacus. It'll make him as pathetic as her. I'll have my fingers crossed for new girl to attach to.
Wait...the Sithanos bad guys use fleets? Wouldn't it be easier (and more inconspicuous) to go around one guy at a time and attack places?
Since the Enji guys know that the bad guys killing people is making them stronger...I think that degenerates Kira into an imbecile again, because his intention on killing as many people on both sides as possible is making his opponents stronger. He's kind of shooting himself in the foot here... Sure is a cheeky bastard, though. Not only does he talk trash before his superiors, he just walks away without being dismissed. (But hey...at least he didn't say something lame like, "From my perspective, it's the Enji who are evil!" :P) But I wish someone would have pointed out the elephant in THAT room (Kira has completed his Face Turn Heel, now talking exactly like his enemies: "there's only my way or die". But then...that would have invited ANOTHER bad quote: "Only a Sithanos would deal in absolutes!")
Of course...their reaction is kind of thick too.
"Alright...he's going behind our backs, amassing an army for himself, and he hates everything we do and wants to do it his way. What do we do about it?"
"Well, we don't want to reprimand him or we'll cause division in the ranks...although he's already doing that on his own and will likely only hold out long enough to overthrow us if we wait. I vote we stick our heads in the sand, pretend nothing happened, and hope it all works out. All in favor?"
"Aye!" "Aye!'' "Aye!" "Aye!"
Uh...why is Kira pleased with Ben's commitment in that chamber? Ben's saying the exact same thing he was saying earlier...and before Kira just scoffed at him... Considering how many innocent people Kira's killed, getting lectured at the need to "protect the innocent from sinners" makes me giggle. And oh my gosh...he just faulted the bad guys for "justifying themselves" too! (Snicker) So...after that little speech...what's Kira's solution to stopping an "endless conflict" when both sides are neither just nor guilty? Oh, don't tell me... "Shoot 'em all and let God sort 'em out."
Hmm...it would be interesting if Ben failed this last challenge...and even more interesting if he got his sword taken away from him afterward.
Quips aside, I liked this chapter. It wasn't bad. From what you said, I thought it would be a lot worse. Now that we're back to your more "original sections", I'm enjoying it more.
| Piccolo Sky chapter 20 . 6/10/2013
I couldn't help but snicker when the bad guy complains to the good guys to stop not getting killed by his attacks. :P
I got a bit confused with all of the "Sonics" and "Eggmans" going around (seems my brain goes mostly to the last word of their title rather than the first one), but at least Wyrmmon wasn't totally a "Kuririn" this time. More of a "Tienshinhan" :P. On that note, I couldn't help but get a "DBZ Movie 2" vibe from this fight.
I take it when this chapter came out Superman had just debuted the "Infinite Mass Punch"? Or did you already know about the possibility for an "infinite mass" strike? If so, kudos to you for keeping up on your physics.
Anyway, see you next chapter.
| Piccolo Sky chapter 19 . 6/8/2013
Heh, I never played "Chaotix", but the beginning reminded me a lot of a very humorous flash movie making fun of it.
Not really sure I buy Meta-Knight being there, having the same "reasoning" as everyone else in the series... Meta-Knight has more of a "Saiyan-jin" mentality, only desiring to be the greatest warrior and to fight the strongest warriors to prove it.
Eggman shouldn't brag too much about his machines. I mean...every machine he's ever made can be destroyed by a hedgehog jumping into it enough times. :P
Anyway, back on track now. Body is still adjusting both to the diet and the "lag" coming back, but hopefully I'll be reading these more regularly. I did want to up it to at least two chapters a week, after all.
| Piccolo Sky chapter 18 . 5/29/2013
From a more practical standpoint, so long as Weil's forces are warring from within, I would go ahead and let them continue for as long as possible. If there was the resources available to "escalate" the war, I would devote them to the real bad guys and let him and his former underlings "squabble". That's not to say they should be completely ignored, but it would be easier to pick off what was left of the "winner".
Another alternative would be to pick which one of his subordinates looks to be the most "sympathetic" to Lylat, and then back them without committal of troops. Ah well.
From a more practical standpoint, if this was a "real war", "good intentions" aside, you wouldn't want to sacrifice troops unless you were relying on a really "derp" strategy. Eventually, you'll run out of places to find them and have to resort to things like "drafting", where you'll end up with poorly-trained and unwilling soldiers. Every troop you have to replace is a new one you have to invest training and time into. Of course, in the Sci-Fi world, they never seem to speak too heavily about resources and costs (or, if they do, money magically appears out of nowhere and they do is whine about it being "expensive", although they never run out). But cost can be a real problem. Example: In WW2, as the war was getting along, Germany first used a plan to use counterfeit money to try and disrupt London's economy by artificially injecting fake money into their economy. Eventually, however, since the counterfeit was so well made, they started just buying stuff they needed to keep going with it. :P
Well, it's official. Kira is now the "Darth Sidious" of this story. :P Ah, that's alright. I lost all empathy for him as a character LONG ago. I mean, heck, about the only evil, villain-characteristic thing he has left to do that he hasn't done is eat a live baby. :P
Just a note... Being cold doesn't actually give you a cold. That's an Old Wives' Tale, although it's still present to this day. I know it's used a lot in popular media enough to where no one really cares, but...it's one of my pet peeves. Sorry. :P
I know eventually Robotnik/Eggman started using fake robots of him at some point...but, I think that makes him subordinate to Dr. Wily as a result, since he stole that trick from him. :D
Uh...Demyx is completely OOC...or, rather, taking on the same personality every single villain in this story already has. :P Honestly, it sounds like he's fighting Brad. In the game, he's the most deadpan, pessimistic member of Organization XIII, and he always whines about assignments he gets. If you're trying to go for "nostalgic" in this story and nods to other games and media, you owe it to the readers to keep the characters IC. There was a lengthy discussion we had back at that Fanfiction Panel about how self-destructive it is to a fanfic to make a character from media go completely OOC with no explanation.
BUT...he did die quickly. Yay for reducing the villain count! :D
That reminds me...Metal Sonic was at the end of the last chapter... I'll admit I'm not that familiar with Sonic the Hedgehog, but he's supposed to be a pretty big deal, and I thought his schtick was that he automatically gains his opponents powers and becomes stronger than them...
| Piccolo Sky chapter 17 . 5/26/2013
Hmm...originally I was going to say this chapter was shorter than others, but I think that "scroll bar" on the side screwed things up... Anyway, I still prefer the shorter chapters to the long ones. Less reader fatigue.
| Piccolo Sky chapter 16 . 5/19/2013
" I assure you I did make you naked for my pleasure," Uh...think this line was a typo... If it wasn't, it's sounds incredibly naughty. :P
Hmm...back to same old, same old. Unfortunately, looks like going to be sitting through a lot more of this... Sigh.
| Piccolo Sky chapter 15 . 5/12/2013
I'm already sure Kira's lying about his rendition of past events. No doubt, he was the one who killed everyone.
Luxord seems rather weak compared to the other guys in his order... Must be the "Guldo" of the group, not having actual strength, just frustrating powers.
"Damn it! I did not think they were that crazy!" Oh? You're the only one who gets to be the guy looking out for "number one"?
Ok...sorry, you're now insulting the reader's intelligence with that whole "salt in the wound" bit at the end. Not buying it. Lacus better prove she has some legitimate reason for being an "idiot" pretty soon or I'm going to dismiss her character as completely worthless. Already, it's going to have to be something huge to make me think differently. And now the bad guys have to kill a fourth of the universe? You...have some idea of how big the universe is, right? About how it would take probably several million years at minimum to do it?
At the lowest estimate, there are about ten sextillion stars in the universe. Star Wars lore states there's life on most stars in the universe, but let's assume they're wrong and go for a simpler estimate of only one out of 1000 of them has life on it. (Which might very well be true, for all we know.) So, ten quintillion stars are left that have life on them. Ok, one fourth of those...2.5 quintillion star systems to visit. Let's also assume, by some unexplained reason, that the bad guys could instantly go to any world they want, eliminating travel costs. Let's also assume it takes 5 seconds for them to get rid of all life on a planet (which is probably very generous even considering this Damonus guy...who, by the way, seems to be the only one capable of doing that, but let's assume say, there's 20 of them all together who can do that). So...20 planets every 5 seconds.
It would take them roughly 19.8 billion years to finish.
I think this might be starting to "jump the shark", especially since there's supposed to be another volume with even worse bad guys. I mean, what's next? Do the next bad guys have to "kill God" or something? If you edit this again, I'd suggest coming up with a much more realistic number, especially since this one seemed picked at random just for "shock value", like: "We'll hold the world hostage for infinity gazillion dollars!"
| Piccolo Sky chapter 14 . 5/4/2013
For the record, Poker has various forms. I usually think of Five Card Stud myself in fiction (which is what I think you have playing here), but in "Casino Royale", the game was Texas Hold 'Em. And, uh, five Aces (4 Aces and a wild card, assuming you're allowing them) would beat a Royal Flush, especially since if you have four or five aces, it's impossible for the other player to get a Royal Flush. Unless, of course, the implication you were trying to give was that Brad was cheating since both hands are almost impossible to get.
You know, for some reason, when I visualize Brad, I think of some guy shaped like "Wreck-It-Ralph". Ape-like physique with oversized forearms...and a micro-brain, but that's besides the point. :P
Hmm. So I suppose all the other stuff Max has said and done until now was just because he's felt like being a d**k to the protagonist? Honestly, after this, I may step away again for a while. I looked ahead on the chapter titles. From what I figure, I've got to put up with at least 40 more chapters of "reason you suck" speech swapping before this is wrapped up, which I really don't care for.
| Piccolo Sky chapter 13 . 4/28/2013
One thing I'm getting nervous about is too many villains. I hope you don't mimic anime/manga in THAT regard. Every time a writer puts in too many villains, they end up focusing on a fistful and then, as for the others, at the end: "Uh...all those other bad guys? They, um...went away. Yeah..."
I think I mentioned this before in volume one, but your main character seems to have a "villain" mindset. Sure, he wants to be a hero...but does he really want to be one to protect other people and "bring peace", or does it really not matter unless he gets some glory and fringe benefits, such as girls like Lacus hanging on his arms? Frankly, if he just wants to be known as the biggest and strongest, there's not too much difference between him and Brad. He's just more "subtle".
There's more ways to have great value than being famous or a guy who can bash heads in. Hell, if that was the only way, we'd all consider movies stars and UFC fighters to be the greatest people who ever lived. Good example...can you name the past five Nobel prize winners for any branch of science? Now then...can you name five people who taught you valuable life lessons, enkindled your passion for your current profession, and lifted you up when you were at the bottom? The people who win the Nobel prize are the greatest in the world, and no one remembers them unless they google them. It's the little things that make all the difference.
Just saying Ben shouldn't worry so much about being "the best" and worry more about being "somebody" to people he cares about.
Also...kind of funny he mentions that he can do things "together with his friends". Why do I have a feeling all major battles will continue to mostly come down to just him alone versus one guy alone"? :P
But...what does the "first" Kosmos stand for? :X
Well, it's a foregone conclusion that eventually the bad guys will succeed in their dastardly, bastardly plan. The only question is if it will be now or later. My guess is now, based on the "hierarchical structure" you're following. "Harder" bad guys can't die before the "lesser" ones do.
| Piccolo Sky chapter 12 . 4/20/2013
Phew, after a hellish couple weeks, I finally got a chance to read another chapter. Now if only I could write more of my own stuff too...
| Piccolo Sky chapter 11 . 4/6/2013
Hmm...Kira's move with this "Dist" confuses me. Back in Volume One, even if forgiving a criminal would lead to ultimately greater benefits to the Lylat Empire, Kira preferred to kill them anyway in the name of "true justice without mercy". Odd that he's defending criminals now... Suspicious.
Perhaps...he's not really him? He does seem to be acting more out of character.
Sounds like he's planning on making a clone army out of Ben and Ezan. A bit odd that he would want their mental states though. I don't think Kira needs an army of soldiers who all think they're better than all of their teammates and don't need their help (at least in Ezan's case). In Ben's case, it would be an army of guys who don't like him...also not good. Cloning usually has bad consequences. They never seem to turn out the way you planned. We'll see.
Heh, if Kira was any more smug in this chapter, he'd be bottling his own farts as perfume. Such a pity that his little victory part was cut short. :P
It's a bit of a shame that Wyrmmon is kind of the "Kuririn/Krillin" of the series...nothing he does ever making a difference. :P
See you next chapter.
| Piccolo Sky chapter 10 . 3/30/2013
This probably would have earned a well-deserved "wiseass" backhand, but in response to that it's a "commander's duty to think": "...Yes, but what if your commander's a dumbass?" :P
"Harsh" as this may be...Ben's a bit of a whiner. The first few complaints were alright, but you think he would have learned eventually complaining isn't going to do any good. Heck, it would probably make Kira madder at him.
Kira also isn't making any sense. If the goal of all this is to turn someone into a drone, and he himself went through it, that implies he is a drone himself and therefore incapable of holding a leadership position. All he can do is what he's told. By his own admission, the perfect, ultimate soldier is one who is little more than a dog. So why does he go against his superiors? Shouldn't he just bark when they say "speak"? Of course, he could simply not realize everything he's doing couldn't possibly work as he intends.
You have a mistake here. Ezan got mad because he was tricked, which is how he won. He used emotions to win, the exact opposite of what Kira wants. If Ben had been in the same situation, he probably would have faulted him for it. By Kira's standards, Ezan failed. It kind of makes it look as if the only point of this plot arc is to torture Ben pointlessly.
At any rate, not too much changed in this chapter, but it's only the "first day", so to speak. Be interesting to see where this leads to.