|Reviews for Sakura's Desire|
| Guest chapter 1 . 3/23
This story makes no sense why did she drug him or tie him up and if they disappeared for a year they would be branded missing nin and hunted down and killed
| Guest chapter 1 . 3/1/2014
CUTE, but very short and boring and not that descriptive.
| Guest chapter 1 . 9/29/2013
| DW chapter 1 . 8/21/2013
| looman chapter 1 . 12/18/2012
| Cpt Bodacious chapter 1 . 8/9/2012
I didn't really enjoy the sexual parts of the story and I don't really see how they could've been gone a year after leaving for that mission and no one would have gone looking for them. So in summary poor sexual part and lousy story, but I still came. 3/10
| bankai777 chapter 1 . 12/25/2011
I wonder did naruto namikaze and sakura haruno name their son after naruto's father that's the case maybe when they have twin girls they can name them kushina,mito and tsunade.
| reconghost5 chapter 1 . 11/12/2010
| Crimson Memory chapter 1 . 6/28/2009
you should so write more it is awsome!
| TryToScream chapter 1 . 6/23/2009
Well... ... ...
Well, mc20 said: "this is good"
What I want to say (actually answer to mc20) is: "no, it's not."
So yeah. That's it. I suggest you start writing better, or (that's the better one)
Just give up writing.
| RyrineaNara chapter 1 . 12/16/2008
Speed chatting is not OK when write a story. It a good story but you need to cut down on speed Chatting type sentences
| hyisess chapter 1 . 8/29/2008
Hi, I've just finished reading this story and would like to make a few suggestions to help improve your writing skills.
First of all I believe to help improve your stories you should try to add more description. Now I've noticed on this site that there are a fair few people who have trouble with that. Some add too much description making the story confusing, while others, similar to yourself, add too little. It's really a very fine line but practice is really all you need to help that.
Secondly, I found that the way the characters talked was unrealistic compared to the real world. No offense ment. But maybe try using "I'm" istead of "I am" and "can't" instead of "can not". It's just people usually use contractions when talking, which could help make your story more believable.
Also while Naruto and Sakura were having sex, I believe that the way they talked was also unrealistic. The way they were having a conversation during "love making" was a bit strange to me. Usually while having sex in stories people sort of... well talk in fragments... it's kind of hard to explain. Try reading other people's "lemons" and note how they have people talking, if they do at all, during it and get tips from that.
Third of all I found your story had a distinct lack of emotion. I believe that this was partially caused from how they spoke, as I mentioned before. Also when they were talking I couldn't help but imagine them with montone voices like robots. I think you could help the emotion in your story by trying to describe how they feel and as I said adding contractions.
Finally, personally, I felt the story didn't have a true plot. it seemed a bit "iffy" and jumped around a bit. Also when having a timeskip try adding dots or asterixs, as these usually signal a time jump. Also just so you know there is nothing wrong with actually writing that there has been a timeskip, in fact I think it's better, keeps the reader less confused. However I still believe adding a symbol for a timeskip is something you should try and add next time.
Though having said all of that, the story had excellent grammar, I don't believe I found one mistake! So good job on that!
All in all my advice to you is mainly to read. Yep, read! Try reading other author's stories and take careful notice on how they structure their story and how they describe things and aslo how they describe emotion. Sometimes to describe emotion you can use an action. For example, "...he then smirked..." could mean that the character you are describing is feeling cocky or smug, and you didn't even have to write "...he was feeling smug...". You see how that is another way to describe feelings.
Oh one more thing (my gosh! I don't stop do I?) don't ever be afraid to try different ways of describing feelings or convosations. Sometimes it's fine to have people talk without contractions especially if they are prestigous ect. This can actually help add personality to a character, though for everyday people I would keep to the contractions, especially if they are teenagers.
I believe I have written quite enough! Just remember to study others ways of writing and remember some of the things I told you, and I'm sure you'll be an extremely popular author in no time! Good luck with your next stories! ;)
P.S I mean no offense to you what so ever during this review, I am only tring to help. If I have insulted you in anyway you have my deepest apologies!
| gotjackie chapter 1 . 7/23/2008
omg i agree with sypoth
this story is pathetic!
theres no point to it. its not interesting and it seemed like there want even a plot.
this is a crapfic
| BakaBlue chapter 1 . 6/26/2008
Why didn't the sand send out the message with a bird in the first place?
| MoonLightKnight78 chapter 1 . 6/23/2008
Hey not bad I really liked it I makeing my own story as we speak maybe you can have a look at it and tell me what you think it's a naruto and sakura fic but It might turn out to be a what's the word for a man to have a lot of women. well your story was great.