|Reviews for A summer to remeber Fixed version|
| otherrealmwriter chapter 1 . 1/31/2010
Wall o' Text alert!
| Pen-Versus-Sword chapter 7 . 1/30/2009
Well, I'm glad you don't do text blocks anymore. It is such a poor formatting choice, and a strain on the eyes. Still, you need to start a new paragraph/line after one person's dialogue, and before the next person's dialogue.
Never, EVER use a number to signify a number in your story. Confusing? Here's a for-example: "I'm only 3 1/2 years old." It should read: "I'm only three and a half years old." A good rule of thumb is to write out every number under one thousand, and the same goes for 'milestone numbers', like ten thousand or one million. If you need to write out a phone number or a ridiculously big number (like 12,587,452) you use numbers.
You need to brush up on your punctuation, spelling, and grammar. A comma can change the flavor of the sentence. Here's another for-example: "Let's eat, Grandpa!" Now remove the comma: "Let's eat Grandpa!" You understand? Correct punctuation is key to writing a story that is cognizant.
Get the idea? Keep on writing, because practice makes perfect.
| I Am The Batman chapter 1 . 12/4/2008
Wow...just a paragraph. Please don't tell me that this is the fixed version. PLEASE! Could I reccomend a beta to you?
| Kimiko Misaragi chapter 1 . 11/28/2008
If this is the fixed version, I'd hate to see the original version. I'm sorry. That was rude.
Well, This is barely a story. It's one paragraph. That's not a story. And this: “Come on bell ring already” Ran Kotobuki urged the bell. “Just urging it won’t make it ring faster. Miyu thinks you should just wait” Miyu Yamazaki replied.
Let me help you with this.
"Come on, bell! Ring already!" Ran Kotobuki urged the ever-silent bell.
"Just urging it won't make it ring faster. Miyu thinks you should just wait," Miyu Yamazaki replied.
Do you see? You have to make a new paragraph. Keep trying, kiddo. Best of luck to you.
| Twilight Dove chapter 7 . 6/14/2008
I think you need to beta your work a bit more...but I don't agree with what Flame Rising had said in his/her review...I think you can improve this more...There's always a room for development...Also, chapter seven is better compared to the rest of the chapters before and that's a good thing...If you need any help you can ask me but please continue writing and I believe that you will really improve...-