|Reviews for The Replacements|
| destiny921 chapter 5 . 8/7/2008
Nice. Keep writing. Amusing too.
| adamthm chapter 5 . 7/31/2008
ha ha, i liked the patches thing at the end.
I'm looking forward to them sparring. Although the way that they were picked was kind of strange. None of them are even strong enough to take on the kuwabara look alike?
| valeries26 chapter 5 . 7/31/2008
oh boy, Yusuke's in toruble!
| Howl for the Moon chapter 5 . 7/31/2008
awesome update soon!
| Kuro The Accursed chapter 4 . 7/16/2008
Well, this fic was enjoying to read. I can't wait for the next chapter. Update please.
| adamthm chapter 4 . 7/15/2008
I really liked your story. I'm adding you to my favorite authors so I can read the rest. Please update soon. I want to know who the enemy is and who the rest of the new spirit detectives are.
| sailornightingale chapter 4 . 7/14/2008
This is a highly entertaining story! I'm loving it.
Although I am curious as to exactly how old the guys are. I keep picturing Yusuke and Kuwabara as fat old guys! .
| Quatreastrophe chapter 4 . 7/14/2008
Great idea, but there are a few related technical issues that will build up over time to be a huge problem in the story.
From chapter one:
“Your right, I have expected this day to come.”
“Your” is possessive, meaning it shows ownership. (Ex: “Your dog has black fur.” In this sentence, YOU are the one who OWNS the dog.)
What it should be is “you’re,” the contraction for “you are.”
From chapter two:
“You don’t think their worried?”
Similarly to the first mistake, “their” is also possessive. (Ex: “Their cups are on the table.” In the sentence, THEY are the ones who OWN the cups.)
It should properly be “they’re,” which is the contraction for “they are.”
From chapter three:
“I don’t know what Patches favorite flower is, or I’d get that.”
You’re actually trying to show ownership in this one. Despite ending with an “s,” there still needs to be a way to show ownership. Write it either as Patches’ or as Patches’s. It’s your choice as to which one, as many people argue over which way is correct or appropriate, but the former seems to be preferable to most.
From chapter four:
“By the way, my name is Lora. What’s your’s?”
As previously stated, “your” is possessive. To be more specific, it is a possessive pronoun, and there is no need to make it even more possessive by adding an apostrophe and an “s” to it, as is the situation for all possessive pronouns. You wouldn’t write something silly like “hi’s” or “her’s” either. Also remember this for “its” and “it’s.” “It’s” can only stand for things like “it is” or “it has,” while “its” is possessive only. (Ex: “Its fur stood on end.” IT is the one with the FUR.)
Something good that you have going on so far is a fairly even mix of narrative and dialogue. Keep in mind while writing that dialogue tends to be a very driving force, making the story seem like it’s moving quickly. That can be a very effective technique in writing, but in the wrong place it can destroy a scene by making things move unrealistically fast. Descriptive narrative, on the other hand, has a tendency to slow things down. Too much of this in the wrong spot can make your story drag.
One last thing before signing off here, is that I do NOT want to see this “Lora” character become a Mary-Sue. Right now I can’t tell whether or not we’ll be seeing much more of her in the future, or if she’s done her part and is finished, but if you are planning of having much more of her, just remember not to make her too perfect, too all-knowing, or to have this super-duper-ultra tragic past.
Looking forward to more soon!
| NothingVentured chapter 2 . 6/13/2008
Yay! You updated so fast! Now I'm really confused as to the plot. UPDATE! Uh... please?
| NothingVentured chapter 1 . 6/12/2008
Hey. I don't know all that much about where your story is going just yet but it sounds interesting. Update soon please!