|Reviews for First and Foremost|
| The Real F'n Scorp chapter 1 . 7/21
Hi there! I am a moderator at the Reviews Lounge, Too, where your story has been housed in our wonderful Archives because it is an under-reviewed story. I’m going to be reviewing your story today because it is definitely in need of a lil bit of love. I am not fandom blind to Zelda, but I have not really played all the games and don't know everything. However, that doesn't seem to be a major factor here with this story, so on with the review!
What I liked with this piece is the modern feel of it. The inclusion of things like buying a white erase board at Target for using in their college-form took a fantasy game and brought it into the modern world. It's something that most readers can relate with (being most will be in some type of school when they happen upon reading this). The other thing that I really enjoyed was the way you played with pacing. Lines like this: ((And that kiss on Christmas that she thought he didn't remember.)) had this hectic and almost frenzied pace to them that insinuated the thoughts themselves were coming fast and chaotically. Theirs is a complicated relationship where they are not saying everything they should and are denying everything they shouldn't.
((She didn't want to leave anything to come back to. That was too much like she was saying, "Be right back, okay?"))- I love how Zelda rationalizes that if she leaves anything behind that it's like saying she will be coming back. She's trying to make a clean break and leave no trace of herself for Link to cling onto. The only thing she doesn't take into consideration is that she's everywhere that matters and that Link is always going to be waiting for her to walk back through that door.
((Zelda's absence was something akin to coming home and having all the furniture rearranged./It was a difficult thing to miss.))- I like how much emphasis that this places upon not only Zelda's importance to Link, but also the importance she places upon herself. It does come off as being slightly arrogant that Zelda imagines her leaving to be something that is going to be automatically noticed, but it works to showcase her importance to Link and the connection they have forged. Of course he is going to notice that she is gone as soon as he returns home- home is not home without Zelda in it.
((Tomorrow he'd go find himself a nice girl.))- he's already found the nice girl, she just doesn't want to get involved because she's afraid that getting involved will just hurt them in the end. That they are both afraid of really reaching out at this point and giving what is obviously there a chance to grow is clear. Link has convinced himself to go and find someone new, Zelda has convinced herself she has to be the one to leave because Link won't ever do it and both actually are miserable idiots because it is all crap.
Just some pointer(s):
((Clad only in one his own white button shirts,))-just forgot of after one.
((Zelda Harkinian could be prim and proper lady when times called for it,))- just forget an a after be.
In all this was a real fun read and I am curious to see where it goes! Good job!
| darkaccalia520 chapter 1 . 5/28
Just a small fandom blind disclaimer, but I've read enough stories from the fandom, so this wasn't a problem to understand.
I really feel for Zelda, deciding it was time to move on, since their relationship began in a way they never really planned. And now that college was over, it was only a matter of time before their relationship did, too...though I do find the thought a bit strange. If two people have been together that long, it seems they should just get married. But something is holding her back: dreams of sorts, though we don't know exactly what is in those dreams. Whatever it was, though, it scared her enough to go. Still, I adored the little note she wrote him; it proves she still cares.
Though Link didn't waste time in finding her, I do wonder just how he went about it. How did he know where she'd gone? Her decision to go seemed rather impromptu, so I don't think she told anyone. Either way, I love that she expected it, though I think that scene is more about what's not said, at least from Zelda's side. And poor Link. I do wonder if their relationship is so strong, why she can't just tell him what's bothering her, though. It's a bit frustrating, both for the reader and for Link.
I love how Shane tries to give Shane a pep talk of sorts, but I'm not sure how much Link believes of it...not yet, anyway. Especially considering the dream he has. Or is it more a memory? I am honestly not sure, but either way, it was sweet, and the last line leads me to believe it's more a dream...or perhaps even a fantasy. Either way, it's clear that Zelda is the only girl for him. I feel like the last line is rather half-hearted. I don't foresee him finding someone else any time soon...and at least not that quick. I'd be very interested to see where this goes. Well done. :)
absolutely no discrete-absolutely no discretion
did you?" She teased.-did you?" she teased.
bye Shane.- bye, Shane.
Course dude,-'Course, dude,
one his own—one of his own
heart-attack?" He asked,-heart-attack?" he asked,
down then-down and then
| Lexik chapter 1 . 5/28
A decision being carried out is a nice straightforward way of kicking things off. Zelda's regrets and memories follow her, even as she makes a point of leaving nothing to come back to.
Her lingering over the picture and eventually deciding to take it as well really stood out to me. So he wouldn't feel guilty every time he looked at it. That shows so much right away about your Zelda thinks, her priorities, and that she genuinely cares about him :)
I would normally have a hard time picturing Link as the sort who would go off and have his own "wicked way" with girlfriends. The last scene drove in a really plausible reason, though. Sleeping in the same bed as a bombshell he can't have strikes me as a situation that would drive any boy half out of his mind.
"P.S. Empty the dishwasher." It's a little thing. And it's marvelously normal and sweet. I wanted to smile and be sad at the same time when I read that line.
Haha, he really didn't waste a minute finding her. And she wasn't surprised one bit.
It's really adorable that both of them have this rule of sorts to never blame the other, and they always own up.
| Anonymous Eskimo chapter 7 . 1/3
This story made so well! Your flawless descriptive language, grammar and character development really show! Happy New Year Cappucinno!
| KaChan84 chapter 7 . 6/29/2013
I really enjoyed reading this so far...you developed a really interesting plot and characters! I would love to read more but considering your last update was one year ago...but hope dies last :)
Anyway, thanks for sharing!
| Xana100 chapter 7 . 2/24/2013
Dang, this stuff's dark. Not the hugest fan of dark stories, but I like a little here and there. I can't wait to see how this goes.
Also, are you going to introduce a Ganon any time soon?
| RikuIsKing chapter 2 . 2/16/2013
Ohh now I understand about Malon :D
And Sheik once again I am loving how you protray him! Man I am just loving him so much...already!
So I believe I now know or have a fairly good guess as to what is happening.
This is having something to do with Link either being, A.) Some reincarnation, as in the games canon.
B.) Just something that has him as extremely important! Zelda is worried because of dreams...I'm guessing his death is what would happen in a fight with Ganon or something (Just all guesses xD)
When Sheik was re-telling of all his troubles to get to Zelda I honestly couldn't help but laugh xD I mean it was like saying, "Stop being an ungrateful brat and just spill it already, I've been though hell and back now talk!" Well that is now it seemed to me anyway xD
| RikuIsKing chapter 1 . 2/16/2013
Oh wow I just love the relationship that you have between Link and Zelda. It's so deep and natural, always hinting at more but never meaning too, this is just the feeling I get when playing the games, awesome job! :)
I'm confused about Malon though, does she live with them? Or is like a friend or something? :/
With Link his emotions alone are so deep, it's truly breath-taking. Almost as if you've combined his normal game canon, with your own and it just works lovely together. :)
| Desteni chapter 7 . 1/9/2013
So, I found this story after reading the 'Days in February' and...I can't believe I got to the end of what you've published already! I'm really interested in what's going on here, and enjoying your characterizations of the Zelda cast. I hope you update soon because I'm dying to know what happens next!
| Leina16 chapter 7 . 10/19/2012
Just found this story, and I love it. It's so intense, and each chapter leaves me desperately wanting to read more. I'm dying to know what happens! I hope you update soon! :)
| A Shadow's Lament chapter 7 . 10/15/2012
And we are all still waiting...*sob* I freakin' love your writing. The emotions, the plot, the how do I put this? sheer BRILLIANCE of it is astounding. I'll admit, cliffhangers infuriate me, I want to see the reunion and hear what happens to Sheik and Malon. Personally, considering you havent touched this for four years, this chapter fit in very well with the previous. Though oh gawd, not Navi... Please for the sake of all humanity dont include her. Though i am liking "princess Zelda" and how she is taking a more dominant role - the scene with her was odd at first, but I see what you did now and it was very genius in the execution. Bravo!
| A Shadow's Lament chapter 4 . 10/14/2012
"...Let's get down to business."
"What? To defeat the Huns?"
I died. Of laughing. Far too hard. Honestly, that line has just made this story earn a place on my favourites. Well, the brilliant plot, revelations and genius portrayal of character's may have had a hand in it too... But goodness, simple things like that make me chuckle, and you pull them off brilliantly.
| HaiJu chapter 1 . 7/2/2012
So I don't know this fandom at all, but I figured I could handle an AU, and your WA post looked intriguing, so here I am to check out one of your stories.
This is very nicely done. I love the drama, the mutual misunderstandings, the complex depiction of affection vs. attraction vs. love between Zelda and Link. Zelda's state of mind is very ambiguous, but in a good way that seems to reflect life. You aren't rushing the romance. In fact, at this point it feels like it would be impossible for them to have a relationship. But it's that suspense and the irony behind it that caught my interest and makes me want to read on.
It surprised me a little that Link has a series of lovers (though you do justify it in that last scene). He's the hero from the video game, so in my mind he's more of a squeaky-clean kinda guy. But they do play an important role in his current state of mind, and without the girlfriends acting as a counterpoint, it would be hard to justify Zelda's choice to move out.
You made a very distinct change in narrative when switching from Zelda to Shane's pov. That might not seem like a huge deal, but it's something writers tend to be lazy about in third person, so thank you for making that extra effort.
There seems to be a lot of thought and intentional direction in the way you're telling this story, and the motivations and emotions of the characters have a very beautiful complexity. It's possible that this could stray into melodrama, but judging from this chapter, I think you have the skills to keep it understated and sincere.
Thank you for sharing this with us.
| Ventisquear chapter 3 . 6/29/2012
You asked for a concrit on Writers Anonymous, so here you go. :)
I've read first three chapters, and it is interesting to make me want it all till the end. Nice idea with the flasbacks, showing different moments in their relationship(s). I really want to know what you will do with it.
But, there are few things that didn't work for me. First is, unfortunately, Zelda. While other characters are well written, real enough characters, she feels more like a plot device. 'I know something but I will never talk about it with you until the Thing of Doom happens' sort. It feels very artificial and bit irritating. I liked Malon and Link much better.
Second, sometimes you throw in unnecessary description, especially when you want to bring out emotions, but sometimes it's bit too much. Like 'the face pressed heartbreakingly into her shoulder'. And sometimes you add description that doesn't fit POV. Like after Links finds Zelda in the chapter 1, it's from her POV yet you write 'Zelda's violet eyes never wavered from their vigil upon the dusty wooden floors.' It's not just colour, the whole that sentence is redundant. It's melodramatic and takes away reader's attention from her feelings - which are much more interesting than the colour of her eyes.
In short: It has potential. It flows nicely, the plot is interesting and believable, but it needs some trimming. :)
| Guest chapter 1 . 6/29/2012
Pffft just saying I absolutely adore this fanfic.