|Reviews for First and Foremost|
| MommaMoka13 chapter 7 . 5/7
This was so good. Funny thing is I'm actually reading this in 2016 lol
| farunjin's.feather chapter 7 . 9/19/2015
Lol, I died at the fact the professor was talking about Harry Potter of all things. I laughed out loud when Link was getting frustrated at the professor for saying you-know-who out loud. The reference for Link sitting down next to Zelda was well done, and definitely seemed like a first time meeting between the two. Definitely could tell Link cared a little too much about what Zelda thought, and I enjoyed her banter during this section. I think ‘Series’ though under the Harry Potter line probably doesn’t need to be capitalized. And of course his comment backfired and awkwardness ensued.
‘..biggest load of shit she had ever heard,’ definitely could imagine Malon saying that. Now that other people have noticed Zelda talking to herself, there is more evidence that her mind is being controlled or being transformed into something. Very interesting to read that Zelda had undergone changes all of those years which makes me wonder if this process had gone for a while and perhaps was triggered by their breakup. Not surprised she called Sheik and the way in which Malon conveyed the issue was done well.
I’m also loving the snarkiness behind Impa’s comments- she is clearly a fan of tough love and doesn’t think that highly of Link at the moment. For the line “And, as we’ve seen…” there should be a comma and not a period since a dialogue tag is connected to it. I got a kick out his need to smash barrels, which is a nice subtle reference to the games. The fairy line at the end was really neat too, and perhaps you plan to give Link a fairy in the near future? Its interesting to see that you are attempting to create a plot line based on the games in a modern tense, and yet it seems to work really well despite the fact this isn’t feudal times. Not sure if you ever plan to continue this story, but I have enjoyed reading it and glad to have found it in the RLT archives.
| farunjin's.feather chapter 6 . 9/18/2015
The first paragraph had excellent description- it really drew me in and I really could envision the beauty of the Hyrule Castle. I would suggest nixing ‘Chateau’ since it is repetitive and the reader is already aware of being inside of the castle. The ‘blood red’ skies was a great nod to the pre-war to the Ocarina of Time game- I immediately thought of the story the Deku Tree told Link about the war. It also set a very sad and perhaps foreshadowing danger by the ending as well.
Liked Malon barging in like that without a care, and I really have enjoyed the dynamics between the two with the overly enthusiastic and open Malon and the closed off and elusive Sheik. I really liked the fact she highlighted the issue of Sheik not getting any credit for his role in the all of the events, since you can assume based on the OoT plotline that in this AU Sheik (or his predecessors) were always behind the scenes doing hard and not getting credit for it. ‘You should never have been forgotten’ was a very touching and powerful line, and you did a good job of conveying the double meaning behind Malon’s words.
Very interesting to see Sheik bring out a resentful side and argue he just wants to relax for once, which contradicts the way he behaves around Zelda. He seems to believe because based on the past actions he will die too, and I really felt bad for him. And poor Malon continues to get rejected by him, can’t help but feel pity for her in that scene. Makes me wonder if Sheik is pushing her away on purpose and feels differently on the inside.
The voice dialogue with Zelda was well-done and definitely at parts it felt like she was simply talking to herself, whilst others seemed someone was trying to control her mind. The spell part was very intriguing as well, and perhaps she will continue to display such behavior as time moves on. The line ‘Hurt him? I would never hurt him..’ also suggests that if someone is mind controlling Zelda they might use her to harm Link, but I could be wrong. The ending description of Zelda was great too- now I’m convinced something is trying to possess her.
| farunjin's.feather chapter 5 . 9/17/2015
I liked the opening scene of all them getting involved in Christmas activities, and just thinking about Sheik cooking cracks me up. Of course Ruto was whining, what else would she be doing? I’m actually kind of surprised Malon didn’t live Silver Bells because it seems like that would be a song for someone really upbeat like her would like (and the horses part!). I got a kick out of Malon apparently getting bitter about her rendition not being popular, and the delivery of Sheik saying it in such a deadpan matter is what really made that part humorous.
For the line ‘her cheeks a flaming red,’ probably don’t need the ‘a’ in there. Yeah, Sheik’s commentary was definitely awkward even if it was too, and the fact you made everyone react without a word made that very clear. Was the “Shane get more more water line?” supposed to be Ruto? She was very quiet during that scene and I actually wish she had a few lines since her complaining can be a good source for jokes, and Sheik would definitely give her a hard time.
The scene with Zelda and Link wishing each other a Merry Christmas was sweet and you could tell by the subtle gestures how much the two cared for each other. The ‘Merry Little Christmas’ line has the comma after the quotation mark though. The part with Malon and Sheik was very interesting, and I think her comments were much deeper than simply making sacrifices for Link and Zelda. She definitely had a different tone compared to how she feels in the present about the two.
| farunjin's.feather chapter 4 . 9/16/2015
I’m really liking your characterization of Sheik so far, he seems pretty well-balanced and despite his caring nature is very level headed and keeps that air of mystery about him. For the line “Sheik stood at the entryway of the.” I actually think you don’t need entryway since standing at the side entrance is sufficient enough. ‘Malon had her obsession with horses, Midna had always complained when it was too sunny, and Ruto couldn’t stop drinking water, and Zelda, well…” I loved this line! I also got a kick out of Zelda asking Sheik to be normal and drink coffee, which honestly I have a hard time seeing him doing that. Interesting that Sheik was observant enough to notice lip gloss of all things.
I thought you did a good job of showing Zelda’s avoidance behavior through her spending and organization of her apartment, and I definitely could tell that Sheik was losing his patience. Nice Mulan reference too, and I died laughing at the ‘painting looks like shit.’ Awesome that Sheik did not let Zelda get away with her antics and pushed her buttons. I really like Sheik, but honestly I would pick Zelda to win in a fight because of the way you have characterized her in this story. And of course I turned out to be right when the next scene started! Lol at a pillow fight too.
The last part of the second scene was good to convey Zelda’s tendency to hide things, for Sheik again picks up on things, such as the hidden dark circles that most will not pay attention enough to notice. Heh, never would have thought Link would drive an Acura, but the hand-me down part fits his modesty. I wasn’t expecting for Malon to be Shane’s unrequited love, but it sure does make things interesting. For the lines ‘Malon insulted…going anywhere’ to increase the flow you actually could combine some of them. The cuccos part was really entertaining and they were always funny to mess with during the games.
Definitely wasn’t expecting Impa to show up and the subleness of Link feeling as if he had met her before was well done. The fairy boy part was amusing as well. I’m interested to see how the training goes with Impa and really this part of the chapter was effective since you really didn’t tell the readers much on why Link was training in the first place, which I can only guess has to do with protecting himself based on Zelda’s dreams.
| farunjin's.feather chapter 3 . 9/12/2015
I liked that the chapter started out with a takeout bag, definitely Link is going to need it since he obviously can’t cook well. I got a kick out of the fact Link was watching Rachel Ray and trying to cook- totally his personality to push himself to do things even if he doesn’t necessarily want to. The analogy of ‘wood groan under pressure’ I think contextually doesn’t fit how a door works, perhaps substitute groan with crack or something relating to the nature of wood. For the line ‘not even bothering…been bothered,’ you probably don’t need the bothered part since you’ve made it clear Link is annoyed by Shane being at the door.
I laughed out loud at the proactiv shit line, definitely adds to the realistic time setting of the story. The use of describing the silence was an effective and subtle way to show how different the apartment was without Zelda there. Interesting too that Link didn’t feel it was right to use Zelda’s table to eat even though she left it there and didn’t make any claims to take it back. The fact you mentioned the two watched the Food Network (such a couples thing to do!) shows how ingrained Link was to their routine, and the fact he still does it showed he isn’t ready to move on.
The ‘wolfish blonde’ comment was a nice reference to Twilight Princess, and the impression I’ve got of Link so far is that he has some repressed anger that he cannot express. For the second scene- I think there is a date missing since 904 makes no sense. This part was surprising because it is implied Link’s death was faked or there is some morbid ending to this that the reader is unaware of- depends on when this flashback is actually set and I feel is related to Zelda’s premonitions. This was also a great tie in to the start of the third scene. Not sure what you meant by ‘old young man,’ probably young man is fine. This part did a good job of summarizing the barriers Zelda and Link have towards forming a relationship, which actually fits the nature of the games as well.
I found the first part of the fourth scene to be humorous, and I cannot blame Zelda for being mad at Link. There is a period missing though in the line ‘…coming in every day since…’ I really liked the dynamic of a powerful and confident Zelda and a shy and nervous Link in the flashback. The beginning of the last scene was very effective at showing how Link was so used to Zelda being around, and clearly he is still in denial over it. ‘Christmastime’ should probably be two words though. I was excited to see thought that Link and Malon are going to have a discussion- interested to see if Link learns about Zelda’s whereabouts.
| farunjin's.feather chapter 2 . 9/10/2015
‘Mondays were harsh by nature’- ha so true! I liked the description you provided about Mondays, I really could relate to what you are saying. The subtle mention of her normal morning routine was a nice way to convey that she already misses Link. Malon definitely would think its great to care for someone else, which was a good canon nod. Well being should probably be two words in the ‘She kept telling herself’ line. For the line ‘No matter what crap Malon…’ could actually be combined with the previous sentence since it is an unfinished fragment and is describing the length to which Zelda was convincing herself this was the right choice.
For the line ‘Two hours later Zelda found,’ I suggest changing to ‘Two hours later, Zelda found herself’ since you are describing her new location. I like the ‘azure eyes’ mention, but a suggestion is to use it only once in a while since the reader already knows what color her eyes are. Malon certainly was upset by what Zelda did, and certainly you could sense her underlying temper from the dialogue you used. I loved the sheik reference too, always one of my favorite LoZ characters. Very interesting that Zelda has a tough girl personality but cares what people would think of her living with a man unmarried. Malon is totally right that Link would care less about the bad press as well, he;s the type that would stand by his loved ones no matter what.
When you say ‘Malon also had a way of…Zelda full of shit’ you could simplify that with a ‘Malon also knew when Zelda was full of shit.’ Also, for high school there is a missing space. I was happy that Malon continued to press the issue and spoke from the heart, and I totally buy that Zelda perhaps made her choice out of fear. The ‘hand has been promised to someone else’ definitely explains everything as well, and makes Zelda’s actions more sensible. Laughed out loud at the last part, I could totally see Malon acting like that.
For the next scene the ‘personal attendants and closest friends’ is probably not needed since you’ve already established that earlier. I liked the fact you made Sheik a separate character from Zelda, which makes the ending of the last scene even better. The interpretation of Sheik was interesting, because I got a very caring vibe alongside the distant and mysterious nature. This part was really intriguing because once again Zelda is implying she did something in the past questionable and the reader still does not know what that is. Oh, so Link and Sheik have never met? Definitely was not expecting that. The dreams were an unexpected twist, and now I feel really bad for Zelda. I’m intrigued to see where you take this.
| farunjin's.feather chapter 1 . 9/10/2015
Hey there, so your story is in our RLT archive, and wanted to check it out since I love LoZ. I have to confess that I am a Midlink shipper, but I always appreciate a good Zelink story. First, I like the concept of a modern AU, because its always neat to see the creativity when people go beyond the restrictions of the video games. I liked the fact you described that Zelda is packing to go somewhere without outright telling the reader where she is going- this made me intrigued to read further to know what her plans are.
I was a little confused by the line ‘…picture behind would only make him feel guilty..’ wouldn’t it be her since it is Zelda’s picture and she is looking at it? I enjoyed reading the fact many ‘speculated’ on the nature of their relationship, as that seems to be a gamer consensus of debate on whether the two are truly romantic or platonic. The dynamics between them were interesting when you described the degree to which the two would miss each other, and what stood out to me was the claim Link was more of the emotional one. The end of scene was well conveyed, because on one hand it seemed Zelda was acting as a caring (and demanding) girlfriend by asking Link to do things in the note, but the subtle nature of it was great to show that is how she practically ends things.
I actually felt really bad for Link in the start of the next scene, the imagery you used showed how upset he was. Especially his speech of ‘What did I do wrong…I swear to Farore…’ also showed his determination to not give up. His speech was nicely contrasted with the quiet manner of Zelda, who internally is probably just as hurt but needs to remain strong. I laughed at Shane’s line asking how Link is going to take care of himself, because in the video games I always felt Link was the one going above and beyond for Zelda, so this was a nice change to read. Though, I have to admit Zelda definitely prepared for Link’s devastation ahead of time with the things she did.
The flashback was enjoyable to read, and I got the impression Link was more into her than the other way around that time, and really showed his tentativeness to express his feelings. I loved Zelda’s personality here, and clearly she is not the type to take crap from anyone. The contrast between Link’s statement she must love him as well and Zelda’s ‘we can’t be together’ was nicely executed, and definitely sets the tone for the rest of the story. I think Zelda’s reasons for not wanting to ruin their friendship are valid, but I’m not buying Link’s statement that he will go and find a nice girl. He doesn’t want a nice girl, he wants Zelda. : )
| MissScorp chapter 1 . 7/21/2015
Hi there! I am a moderator at the Reviews Lounge, Too, where your story has been housed in our wonderful Archives because it is an under-reviewed story. I’m going to be reviewing your story today because it is definitely in need of a lil bit of love. I am not fandom blind to Zelda, but I have not really played all the games and don't know everything. However, that doesn't seem to be a major factor here with this story, so on with the review!
What I liked with this piece is the modern feel of it. The inclusion of things like buying a white erase board at Target for using in their college-form took a fantasy game and brought it into the modern world. It's something that most readers can relate with (being most will be in some type of school when they happen upon reading this). The other thing that I really enjoyed was the way you played with pacing. Lines like this: ((And that kiss on Christmas that she thought he didn't remember.)) had this hectic and almost frenzied pace to them that insinuated the thoughts themselves were coming fast and chaotically. Theirs is a complicated relationship where they are not saying everything they should and are denying everything they shouldn't.
((She didn't want to leave anything to come back to. That was too much like she was saying, "Be right back, okay?"))- I love how Zelda rationalizes that if she leaves anything behind that it's like saying she will be coming back. She's trying to make a clean break and leave no trace of herself for Link to cling onto. The only thing she doesn't take into consideration is that she's everywhere that matters and that Link is always going to be waiting for her to walk back through that door.
((Zelda's absence was something akin to coming home and having all the furniture rearranged./It was a difficult thing to miss.))- I like how much emphasis that this places upon not only Zelda's importance to Link, but also the importance she places upon herself. It does come off as being slightly arrogant that Zelda imagines her leaving to be something that is going to be automatically noticed, but it works to showcase her importance to Link and the connection they have forged. Of course he is going to notice that she is gone as soon as he returns home- home is not home without Zelda in it.
((Tomorrow he'd go find himself a nice girl.))- he's already found the nice girl, she just doesn't want to get involved because she's afraid that getting involved will just hurt them in the end. That they are both afraid of really reaching out at this point and giving what is obviously there a chance to grow is clear. Link has convinced himself to go and find someone new, Zelda has convinced herself she has to be the one to leave because Link won't ever do it and both actually are miserable idiots because it is all crap.
Just some pointer(s):
((Clad only in one his own white button shirts,))-just forgot of after one.
((Zelda Harkinian could be prim and proper lady when times called for it,))- just forget an a after be.
In all this was a real fun read and I am curious to see where it goes! Good job!
| darkaccalia520 chapter 1 . 5/28/2015
Just a small fandom blind disclaimer, but I've read enough stories from the fandom, so this wasn't a problem to understand.
I really feel for Zelda, deciding it was time to move on, since their relationship began in a way they never really planned. And now that college was over, it was only a matter of time before their relationship did, too...though I do find the thought a bit strange. If two people have been together that long, it seems they should just get married. But something is holding her back: dreams of sorts, though we don't know exactly what is in those dreams. Whatever it was, though, it scared her enough to go. Still, I adored the little note she wrote him; it proves she still cares.
Though Link didn't waste time in finding her, I do wonder just how he went about it. How did he know where she'd gone? Her decision to go seemed rather impromptu, so I don't think she told anyone. Either way, I love that she expected it, though I think that scene is more about what's not said, at least from Zelda's side. And poor Link. I do wonder if their relationship is so strong, why she can't just tell him what's bothering her, though. It's a bit frustrating, both for the reader and for Link.
I love how Shane tries to give Shane a pep talk of sorts, but I'm not sure how much Link believes of it...not yet, anyway. Especially considering the dream he has. Or is it more a memory? I am honestly not sure, but either way, it was sweet, and the last line leads me to believe it's more a dream...or perhaps even a fantasy. Either way, it's clear that Zelda is the only girl for him. I feel like the last line is rather half-hearted. I don't foresee him finding someone else any time soon...and at least not that quick. I'd be very interested to see where this goes. Well done. :)
absolutely no discrete-absolutely no discretion
did you?" She teased.-did you?" she teased.
bye Shane.- bye, Shane.
Course dude,-'Course, dude,
one his own—one of his own
heart-attack?" He asked,-heart-attack?" he asked,
down then-down and then
| Lexik chapter 1 . 5/28/2015
A decision being carried out is a nice straightforward way of kicking things off. Zelda's regrets and memories follow her, even as she makes a point of leaving nothing to come back to.
Her lingering over the picture and eventually deciding to take it as well really stood out to me. So he wouldn't feel guilty every time he looked at it. That shows so much right away about your Zelda thinks, her priorities, and that she genuinely cares about him :)
I would normally have a hard time picturing Link as the sort who would go off and have his own "wicked way" with girlfriends. The last scene drove in a really plausible reason, though. Sleeping in the same bed as a bombshell he can't have strikes me as a situation that would drive any boy half out of his mind.
"P.S. Empty the dishwasher." It's a little thing. And it's marvelously normal and sweet. I wanted to smile and be sad at the same time when I read that line.
Haha, he really didn't waste a minute finding her. And she wasn't surprised one bit.
It's really adorable that both of them have this rule of sorts to never blame the other, and they always own up.
| Anonymous Eskimo chapter 7 . 1/3/2015
This story made so well! Your flawless descriptive language, grammar and character development really show! Happy New Year Cappucinno!
| KaChan84 chapter 7 . 6/29/2013
I really enjoyed reading this so far...you developed a really interesting plot and characters! I would love to read more but considering your last update was one year ago...but hope dies last :)
Anyway, thanks for sharing!
| Xana100 chapter 7 . 2/24/2013
Dang, this stuff's dark. Not the hugest fan of dark stories, but I like a little here and there. I can't wait to see how this goes.
Also, are you going to introduce a Ganon any time soon?
| RikuIsKing chapter 2 . 2/16/2013
Ohh now I understand about Malon :D
And Sheik once again I am loving how you protray him! Man I am just loving him so much...already!
So I believe I now know or have a fairly good guess as to what is happening.
This is having something to do with Link either being, A.) Some reincarnation, as in the games canon.
B.) Just something that has him as extremely important! Zelda is worried because of dreams...I'm guessing his death is what would happen in a fight with Ganon or something (Just all guesses xD)
When Sheik was re-telling of all his troubles to get to Zelda I honestly couldn't help but laugh xD I mean it was like saying, "Stop being an ungrateful brat and just spill it already, I've been though hell and back now talk!" Well that is now it seemed to me anyway xD