|Reviews for Twilight Imp|
| Bialywhoos chapter 1 . 8/12/2008
I enjoyed this a lot! It was very well written, and although I haven't played Twilight Princess yet (must buy it!) I could follow the events incredibly well. Your very last sentence was a great way to wrap the story up, too. Very beautifully written. It would be a wonderful cliffhanger if it wasn't for the fact that this is a oneshot . . .
The dialogue flowed well and was well written. It felt as though it would fit right into a Legend of Zelda game. For example:
“See? Do you understand now, Princess?” Zant eventually sneered at her, “This is my power! The power of the King! It is absolute proof that I rule here, and that you do not.”
Seemed like something right out of the game!
The beginning was great, too. It pulled me right into the story, making me want to read more.
There were just a few things that I picked up on along the way that could possibly use some improvement:
"…What? Her hand…it was so – so tiny! Midna looked at herself, and gasped in shock."
The last sentence could be improved upon a bit. Either change it to:
"…What? Her hand…it was so – so tiny! Midna looked at herself, and then gasped in shock."
"…What? Her hand…it was so – so tiny! Midna looked at herself, gasping in shock."
"Zant was searching for her. She had no interest in being caught by him, or by his slaves, the shadow beasts. "
I suggest changing it to this instead:
"Zant was searching for her. She had no interest in being caught by him, or his slaves, the shadow beasts."
One last thing:
"Zant had noticed this, and the shadow beasts had already started searching for her, but Midna was tricky and clever and avoided them easily."
It should be like this, with one less "and" in the sentence:
"Zant had noticed this, and the shadow beasts had already started searching for her, but Midna was tricky, clever, and avoided them easily."
But these are minor suggestions, so if you like the way you wrote it, keep it that way. It will still sound great! This was an incredible piece despite its short length!
| Rowena DeVandal chapter 1 . 6/18/2008
Well then...I'm not overly familiar with this fandom, but I think you did a beautiful job of meeting this challenge. :) Thanks for playing!
| ChocolateTeapot chapter 1 . 6/13/2008
Really nice story. Your characterisation of Midna is great.
“She knew, as no usurper ever could, just what kinds power a Twilight Princess would have left to her in this situation” sounds somewhat weird and the many - are a bit annoying, but none of that is serious.
I liked the second last paragraph best.
| Bookworm579 chapter 1 . 6/13/2008
Well done, I thought you really portrayed Midna's point of view well. Yay Midna!