|Reviews for Irrefutable Connection|
| Katerin Lawliet chapter 19 . 1/5
Light and Lawliet. Kira and L. They have such a strange relationship. I got a bit jealous for L when the Misa sex thingy happened. That was cold, L. But yeah. Genii think and feel differently. Couldn't be helped.
But I'd still like to hit Misa though.
| Storm Windows chapter 4 . 10/6/2014
Eh, having trouble with suspension of disbelief. In a previous chapter Kira was out for L's blood. L's death was to be his crowning victory. And now they're making out. I mean. just because they like each other doesn't make them not enemies. Like when Hecktor's father kissed Achilles hands and begged for the dead body of his son. Sure, they cried together. But when Priam brought up "Hey, how about you all just leave Troy know and be done with our losses?" And Achilles is like "fuck you". Because they're still enemies. Because you can love something and still kill it. (Ok also because Petroklus's death really fucked up Achilles & he has no more desire to go home. At this point in the Iiliad Achilles WANTS to die. Emotionally, he's already dead, and waits for his prophesied real death.)
In the first chapter you at least established that L is emotional. L seems to have forgiven Kira the mass murderer and wishes to redeem him. Or fix the Kira plan. Light though. He didn't verify if the room was truly secure. He hasn't verified L's real name yet seems to take L's word for it. And he has yet to say the damning words "I am Kira".
In other Death Note fanfics I've read, the enemy to friend transition was better done. One fic had Light learn that some of victims were innocent. Kind of inevitable considering how many Kira kills per day. How much research can one do in so little time? Is an hour enough to weigh the worth of a human life? Kira is not omnipotent, so how can he really know if murdering this person or that will bring a net gain to society? Maybe this child rapist will stumble onto the cure to HIV (there's a video game you can play online to help HIV research), or maybe this one fellow got framed, or maybe this one pleaded guilty for the plea deal because they couldn't afford a better lawyer, or maybe, or maybe, or maybe...
Another fanfic, Fever Dreams, had Light realize that the Kira plan was a failure. What safeguards could stop Kira from becoming the next Hitler or Stalin? Kira would have to only kill for his ideals, not for self gain. This was ruined the moment Kira killed L. Taylor, and realized just before he murdered L. Light was able to deal with the distant murder of criminals who "deserved it", but to kill someone he was close to, someone whose death would be a net loss for society...it would drive him insane. Also, Light learned that the 87% drop in violent crime wasn't due to an actual reduction in crime. Criminals now knew that pleading guilty for a plea deal was a death sentence. They murdered any and all witnesses who saw their face. The rate of cop deaths increased because suspects would rather be on the run than be murdered in jail by a faceless, merciless god.
And even with Light's heel face turn, he did not simply confess to being Kira. He stopped killing and worked hard to ensure neither he nor L would die. L did enter a sexual relationship with Light, but he KNEW Light could be Kira, and he rationalized it. Light might let his defenses down, and as with the fake friendship, the sexual one would give L the perfect excuse to keep an eye on his prime Kira suspect at all times. Even when L's feelings got messy he remembered to make sure he WAS safe, that if Light was Kira he wouldn't end up dead. Even if he felt he could trust Light, L knew he was emotionally compromised and needed to set up precautions. The same went for Light. Light knew that one wrong move and L would be forced to turn Kira in. And towards the very end L was able to rationalize not turning Light in if he was Kira. That executing Light would be retribution and not a deterrent. That rehabilitation would be best. If Light was Kira.
God I wished that Light had been able to confess all in that fic. But having it so close to the beginning of this fic...I'm not sure you did enough prep work. That L or Light, masterminds, would show this suicidal amount of trust. I admit I only skimmed chapter 4 though. And maybe you do have some sort of transition planned, and this kissing thing just kind of happened... But it feels like wish fulfillment. Like maybe the first two chapters were the technobabble and now L & Light just trust eachother and are being honest with each other. Why? Because the script says so. It'll be interesting to see them work together, but...not sure how much more I'll read. Well, the other 340 positive reviews must be based on something though.
| Storm Windows chapter 3 . 10/6/2014
Not sure I would trust L if I were Light. L could be lying about the lack of cameras. Or can he ask Rem to check for him? I would not trust that his name is Lawliet either. The only way to test that though would be the death book. And if L is trustworthy he's dead, and if he's a liar then he lives. (until Rem gets him).
| Storm Windows chapter 1 . 10/6/2014
Hey, I see a few grammar errors. Maybe you're taking poetic license, but I figure I could let you know the basics. Not enough to be a grammar nazi, but enough to satisfy the majority of readers.
A "clause" is a subject and a verb. In the sentence "I ran", "I" is the subject who does the action, and "ran" is the verb.
"I ran." is an Independent Clause because it can stand on its own.
"When I ran" is a Dependent Clause because it can't stand on its own. It is a Sentence Fragment. It is needy. It needs an Independent Clause (IC for short) to make it a complete sentence.
"Feeling weak" is a phrase, not a clause. A clause requires a subject and verb. Phrases tend to lack one or the other. Phrases are needy. They are sentence fragments unless they are connected to an IC.
How do you connect a phrase to an IC? If the phrase comes first, there needs to be a comma between the phrase and the clause. "Feeling scared, I ran away." is an example. If the phrase comes after an IC the comma is optional. "I ran away feeling scared." and "I ran away, feeling scared" are both correct. Dependent Clauses, which are needy just like phrases are, follow this same rule.
How do you connect Independent Clauses? Two ways:
1) Coordinating conjunction. Use a comma and one the FANBOYS. Example: "It rained, and I played chess"
2) Semicolon. The two IC must be related. Ex: "I hate my job; my boss is a douchebag." If the ICs aren't related a semicolon is not appropriate. No coordinating conjunction is needed.
There's technically more than 2 ways to connect ICs, but the coordinating conjunction is probably the one you'll use most. Also, sentence fragments aren't illegal to use. Many writers use them for effect. Like so. Just make sure you're doing them on purpose-not on accident. Same goes for run on sentences. (That's when you don't properly connect two ICs). You have lots of accidental run ons in this chapter, and it makes it a little difficult to read. So yeah. Have fun combining phrases and clauses in a variety of ways to create interesting paragraphs.
General impressions of chapter 1: alrighty. Not too shody. General abstractions specificity. L doesn't want to die but he doesn't want to lose Light either. Considering Kira's crimes, and that L's job is to CATCH Light, this is a "neither can live while the other survives" type scenario. One will kill the other. But L is sad b/c Light is his first friend. Well. "friend". Frememy. Um. Regardless, I remember my first friend. The excitement I felt. And the terror. I was very particular about how I ate my peanut butter jelly sandwiches for fear that doing it "wrong" might scare off my friend. She was my special person and no one else mattered. This inner conflict within L is delicious.
| Pumpky chapter 18 . 9/28/2014
It is stupid. It can not be like this, i mean, its illogical. I see no way in which L can be involved in any sort of agreement with Kira (as Light've told him in the room during their heated conversation). But lemons were hot-hot-hot :D
| Me chapter 1 . 2/28/2014
I started reading this story like 7 minutes ago, and I just finished chapter 1. All I wanted to say is that it's lovely and extremely well-written, and thank you, thank you for this fic. Chapter one is not hard to stick with at all. This is how fics should be written. Thank you again.
| sutefudayo chapter 3 . 1/5/2014
Holy fucking crap (sorry!), I'm sorry to say that, even as a fellow author, I have absolutely no words to express what you just put me through. O.O I absorbed every word hungrily and I swear my face was like inches away from my laptop's screen. I must say I rarely allow myself to be taken in so whenever I read fanfiction (which rarely happens). How did you do it? How did you create such intensity? I absolutely adore the atmosphere, the exclusive world you've created for just the two of them. It differs from the anime in its detail and depth yet it portrays so well the peculiar relationship (sorry L) that they share, which is unlike anything we've ever seen or can hope to experience. There can only be the two of them, and wow, you sure expressed that well, that magnetic bond they share, one that reaches down to the bottom of their souls. I am thoroughly devastated and shall take a few minutes to recover before I continue reading. Thanks so much for reading this!
| High on the Rainbow chapter 15 . 10/8/2013
... ... ... ... ... ... ...I understand the necessity of this part, it's just... ... ...Misa. ...Misa. ... ... ...I ... ... Would have a massively hard time comprehending that. No matter how necessary. I would feel... ...dirty. Poor Light. ...And poor L. ... ... I gotta go pity them now. At least I know there's a nice ending. Right...?
On a side note, I hope L is often seme, but he does seem the type to love Light enough to share if Light wanted to every now and then.
| High on the Rainbow chapter 14 . 10/8/2013
Much like.I wrote in one of my one-shots, it's supposed to be sensual, yes? I love it. Very nice sexy sex. Whelp, off to the next chapter. I know I have close to 100 DN stories on my faves list, but I keep finding good ones... All are kinda sorta long, though... Meh.
I wonder what the end is like... Hee
| LovingMyth chapter 3 . 7/23/2013
Oh, wow, fucking wow! This is so fucking intense, and just...fuck, I love this!
| Guest chapter 12 . 7/20/2013
god. i love him but matsuda is an idiot. like really.
| LxLight Fangirl chapter 10 . 7/20/2013
LOVING THIS. i always wondered what it would be like if L joined Lights side, or at least decided to help him or not betray him and then BAM you come up with this story! You are too awesome!
I'm so excited to find out wat happens next! LxLight unstoppable! ;)
okay im going to go read the rest of the chapters now. bye! :)
| PurpleSong chapter 19 . 7/15/2013
Kira won! Kinda.. I'm glad he didn't die... I just Loooove their twisted wicked and desperate affection and need for each other! X3
| jannett chapter 14 . 6/25/2013
That was great, I liked both the sex scenes, and i dont want to change anything, but maybe in another fic you could write some penetration sex? same characters but not with this story ;p
| anon chapter 7 . 6/25/2013
so wow, again great work, umm i have a question and forgot to post it earlier, when you say "lent" do you mean "leaned" or like you "lent him a pencil" or the religious Lent?