|Reviews for Death's Pride|
| Elymes chapter 23 . 12h
interessting story and somthing new that snape potioned dumbels
| Shodaime Gahokage chapter 4 . 7/22
when Hermione threat to yank off Harry's danglies you missed a prime chance to make the pun
"I've grown rather attached to them, thank you."
| Nevarus chapter 1 . 6/30
I come back to this and question if I want to reread it. The cause isn't your story, before you ask...
The problem is the random before and after that you've written around the story. I get it, fanfiction doesn't have a better place for these. that does not change the fact that it's not something most people want to read.
I'm talking about author notes and public replies to comments... every single thing you write in those notes or replies take that much away from your story and makes a bad impression on the readers.
some may like that you are replying to them publications, but they are vain people. others may appreciate you answering frequently asked questions, but that doesn't need to be done here.
Either way if you were rated a score out of 10, this shit Lowers your score by 2 automatically. This wouldn't be a big issue if it wasn't every single chapter (hint hint).
| omh666 chapter 5 . 6/20
I don't rememer if it was just one or two chapters back. Either way, the letter Ron supposedly wrote to Harry as his first letter back home in this chapter, is nothing like the one you actually show him writing to Harry a chapter or two back.
| Harrison Aldrich Emrys chapter 4 . 6/18
What retard doesn’t understand the basic meaning of what a soul mate is?
| Dr Gero chapter 15 . 5/30
I'm sorry, but the scene with Snape's reveal that he is a serial killer, kidnapper, rapist, torturer of former students, blackmailer of current students, who regularly makes sex clones of Lily Evans and has had sex with her corpse, really killed my suspension of disbelief and most of my enthusiasm for seeing where this is all heading. Shocking, I'm sure.
That is SO sudden, over-the-top and grotesque that I can't take it seriously in the least. It feels like a blatant manipulation on your part. "See how awful he is?! Bet you didn't think he was THAT bad did you? Don't you just WANT to see him get his comeuppance for his actions and desecrating the bodies and memories? Better stay tuned! Oh and don't think about everything that has to go perfectly Snape's way for all this to have happened. MY plot contrivances and coincidences are fine and planned while JK's need to be fixed and are the result of a puppet mastermind in-story!"
I don't mean to be mean, honestly, I'm mostly very disappointed and annoyed this is the direction the story has gone and all those long chapters led here (which I honestly enjoyed most of, if had some issues with it. Slow is relative after all).
There's been some dark moments but here we're driving off the cliff at full speed. The next darkest scene, arguably Malfoy with the elves, I honestly wasn't sure was serious or a one time bad jokehaha, Malfoy 'sleeps' with house elves! Funny eh?").
The tone in this story has been wildly inconsistent. In this chapter alone, two scenes after Snape's sickening reveal, we have some panty jokes again.
The first couple chapters were rather weak and I wouldn't have lasted this long if it hadn't improved. For goodness sake, in his first appearance you had Dumbledore mess himself twice. That would have been it for me if you hadn't made a note saying that kind of thing wasn't going to happen again. It's a mark of very poor writing or a crack-humor fic. Or both.
Some of the humor I have enjoyed quite a bit, but it was usually the way things were phrased or descriptions when we're in a certain point of view. WaCkY hijinks are really hit and miss.
I was also happy to see the anime references drop off mostly (mentioning the rasengan had me worried; and I like Naruto), as scenes like that rarely work in HP in my opinion unless it's fully embraced and the entire story feels like anime. When we had those types of scenes crop up (namely for me: the magic shockwave, the boggartwall, showing off for the DA club and the light show during quidditch) they felt really out of place for me and like they didn't actually matter. Heck, did Lora even mention the boggart incident and secrecy when she was yelling at him after the quidditch match? We haven't seen a lot of follow-up on any of those from the other characters. I would think Dumbledore, particularly this one, would be like a bulldog who finally got a bone with some of that information.
I really don't like being fully negative despite being annoyed at the moment. I enjoyed most of my time with this and the mostly slow and sweet relationship building, and thought you were handling it relatively well. There were a couple suspicious "hmmm's" from me a couple times, particularly with Luna and Harry since she's coming from such a vulnerable place and him being older and in a (social) position of power, authority, what have you. Thankfully this Harry is kind of... slow (in a canon way; I don't "knock points" for it), so I didn't worry too much that he had some long con game to knowingly seduce/rear younger girls if by another name. His Hermione flirtations aside (which early on felt a little forced but did improve), those interactions felt surface level, obvious and not something even a 13-14 year old Hermione would be unduly influenced by in and of themselves and so felt mostly okay.
Some other random comments: The Thundercats were pretty cute, if odd they were given more or less free reign and accepted. The chosen Marauder name for Harry was pretty weak although I thought the pranks were fine; wizards may have awful common sense as a plot point (or selective blindness), however for Bolt to honestly work we have to ignore every muggle-born who I'm sure would instantly look at the only other Lightning Bolt in the room. Even without proof there should be Heir of Slytherin type whispers from everyone. Also, I liked the knicker launcher joke at first but with panty jokes apparently being one of the main forms of bonding the girls have, the novelty wore off a bit.
Oh, and it's obvious Ron isn't your favorite character (mine neither honestly) so I wanted to say thanks for the attempt to write him more or less true. He's a bit dim and slow to learn, but he's written leagues better here than a lot of Harry/Hermione stories and I don't cringe in anticipation for his scenes, so kudos for that!
Thanks for putting all this work together for everyone. I hope I wasn't too harsh. There's a lot of fun and good ideas here, the direction
| Guest chapter 13 . 5/26
And I’m out. Your Harry is an absolute moron. I’m tired of his reckless stupidity and conveniently forgetting things he has to do. I’m pretty sure it’s the writer being stupid and forgetting things between chapters but it’s made Harry completely unlivable. Why hasn’t he done anything to protect Luna? Plot reasons that make zero sense. Why hasn’t he done anything with the horcruxes? For that matter why hasn’t he done anything period? Besides some training of the other students he’s ignoring everything that actually matters. Why hasn’t he contacted Siri’s black. Why hasn’t he done anything about perigrew. For him to just sit in shut and go about school like normal is blatantly retarded. This story has become a pathetic pile of garbage not worth reading. Any time you have Harry take weeks to accomplish something that should have been done in minutes just makes him look ridiculously incompetent.
| BLACK-BELT-BITCH chapter 1 . 5/22
"Harry, though he didn't WANT to believe it, knew that she was telling him the truth. That was how Mister and Missus Weasley got together, because Missus Weasley used a love potion on him. While it worked out in their case as a happy marriage, it romanticized the fact that it was illegal, immoral and just simply WRONG. And made it seem all the more likely to lead to a happy ending."
[Well… it was said (I believe in Chapter 16, "Through the Trapdoor" of "Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone") that most of the greatest wizards did not have an ounce of logic, suggesting their complete reliance of powerful magic led them to neglect other aspects of their mind — regarding the use of Amortentia, a case of "Values Dissonance" I would say?]
| KnowInsight chapter 28 . 5/6
fun story. I really love Harry/Hermione/Luna stories. Luna by herself always makes better stories. :D
| karmakarma2001 chapter 28 . 4/28
Enjoying this hope you finish this even an epilogue or two as to rid of snape,draco,bellatrix and Voldemort.
Also a wedding with both Luna and Hermione maybe pregnant and how the spell helped Neville parents.
| blcoachmac chapter 28 . 4/11
sure widh someone could get the rest of Paldeus's note and other chapters and relea would them!
| elanga.blake chapter 28 . 4/10
i just found this story and was very sorry to see that it wasnt finishied. i'm hoping that it can be at some time in the future it was very good.
| blcoachmac chapter 25 . 4/8
i wonder if the rest of Paldeus's/ Kevin's writing will ever get downloaded?
| SnuggleKitten69 chapter 28 . 3/26
This is one of your best works in a life cut all too short by as-yet-undiscovered assailants.
We miss you, Kevin.
| Osiris Sundavr chapter 7 . 3/15
“We are Legion.” This caused me to choke for a few minutes straight. I really wasn’t expecting them to say that. Job well done and thank you for making this fic