|Reviews for Dimarrow's Treasure|
| Circuit-Elf chapter 1 . 9/16/2009
My god. It's a LOTR fanfic that is actual WRITING. This amazes me. Please, keep on updating! :)
| Epilachna chapter 3 . 6/17/2008
I do love well written lost children fics and this is shaping up to be an entertaining one. It is probably silly to ask, but will we learn about the relationship between the child's mother and the three wardens? After all, no mom would will her child to mere acquaintances.
| sahari-sousuke chapter 3 . 6/17/2008
I enjoyed that last line. It will be fun to see how he handles this new challenge before him. Again this is a very well written piece of work I hope to read more...(soon?) _
| Celegorm chapter 2 . 6/17/2008
You tread dangerous ground lady.
I will watch and see how you fare.
| Marchwriter chapter 2 . 6/17/2008
You have a good storyline going. It's strong; you have obviously taken care to read your work carefully and dutifully. So far, it works. I think right now it just needs some refining which is fine becuase I count everything I see on as a first draft.
I think in the summary you said this was AU, so I won't touch the fact that the child is a half-elf which very likely would not happen. So, on to the meat of the story.
This story starts out in third person, but it feels distant. Do you have a point of view character in mind? Haldir, for example, or perhaps even the three brothers alternately? You can do a third person omniscient viewpoint, but it gets kind of messy and the reader feels distanced.
I do not have a real strong grasp of how you picture the brothers as individuals. You said one was taller than the other, one was young, but how do they think? I'm sure you'll address this in other chapters, but they just have found out that a friend of theirs was killed by orcs-does one desire vengeance? Does one feel as if he should have persuaded her to stay in Lothlorien? What did they think of her choice? Answering these might help focus and give a little more strength to the characters. I know you have Orophin crying, but would he in front of his Lady?
And remember that if your character cries, your reader doesn't have to.
What makes the man trust the elves with his niece? Orophin or Rumil said that the Rohirrim disturst elves, and yet this man goes right into the woods with the child. If he was just, so to speak, "dropping her off" why not leave her at the fringes and trust to the elves or the elements? I think if his agenda is otherwise, you can suggest it without having Findoron wondering constantly about it which kind of dilutes the effect I think you are trying to get across.
There is a saying among actors: "never work with animals or children." The same is true for writers. Animals and chilren both are worth all of your care and skill when writing them. It is very temptingly easy to slip into mawkish cuteness and sentimentality especially when you have a little child lost in the woods without mother or father to care for and love her.
Your bio says you are a healer and a mother. That's perfect experience right there. Treat your child-character as if he / she were your own. Even though parents love their children, they also yell at them to pick up their toys for the hundredth time, get tired of their constant complaints and needs; they know that their child is an individual. And therefore can't be cute and wide-eyed all the time.
If you are already perfectly aware of all this, then I didn't need to type it out, but I figured, it doesn't hurt to reinforce what you know. Though I know I'm long-winded.
I hope you continue this. It's a strong start. My curiosity is aroused a bit, and I'm looking forward to seeing what you do with it. Who is the child for example? What part will he / she play in Haldir, Rumil and Orophin's lives?
The Lady of Light
| sahari-sousuke chapter 2 . 6/17/2008
This is a very well written story. I hope that you continue with it. I'm enjoying reading it and hope that there is an update soon!