|Reviews for Reflections|
| willam and jack and jake chapter 3 . 4/19/2012
interest please update
| willam and jack and jake chapter 1 . 4/19/2012
| willam and jack and jake chapter 2 . 2/3/2012
| czxw chapter 1 . 12/21/2011
None of this makes any sense! A haunted shrine? Stars on leaves? Black mist? Italians? What's going on, I haven't even heard of naruto or any ninja for that matter!
| Splasher chapter 2 . 6/19/2008
This is actually a great idea for a story! Sorry if I'm wrong, but this Sora is the same Sora in the current arc in Shippuden, right? Cool. :)
Okay. So I read half of chapter 3, but I figured out a way to help you, so I'll review this chapter instead since I haven't read all of chapter 3 yet. Have you ever read Dracula? In every chapter, it does something similar to what you're doing-switches points of view with letters and journal entries and things like that. And to tell the point of view, Stoker, the author of Dracula, uses words at the start of each journal entry or letter in order to say what the next passage is-for example, "Jonathan Harker's Journal." So basically the way you're doing it (putting the person's name before his or her passage) will work just fine. Just make sure you make it sound more like a journal... Like in Dracula, Stoker puts dates before each entry. That way the reader can react to the story better. Unless you only want to switch point of views between characters without your original plan of journal entries. That would work, too.
The reason that the story is probably really confusing, however, is because you told me you were doing it in 8 people's points of view. Especially in this chapter, it could have been very confusing because you kept changing from guardian to guardian when they're all essentially the same. In a group of people, in which everyone shares no significant traits over the other ones, you could combine all of them into one person. So whenever you need to go into a guardian's point of view, try to choose only one guardian over the rest of them. Switching from guardian to guardian makes the story's "reality" to the reader collapse.
But anyway, I read your profile and saw that you mostly wrote in present tense. I noticed you did that in this story too, which actually surprised me (in a good way). You made the present tense seem so natural I didn't even notice you were using it! Great job! Present tense is hard to pull off in a narrative, but if you do it correctly, it makes the reader feel as if he or she is really there (more so than they would in past tense).
I hope I helped a little here. :D And if I didn't make sense, I'm really sorry... I have a habit of reviewing to early in the morning.