|Reviews for Who We Are|
| chao-friend chapter 20 . 6/7/2009
Karai: Don't read it, Andrea! I beg of you!
Andrea: Why? What's the big deal? *reads*
Karai: Do you not realize? Whatever happens to me in fanfiction really happens to me! It is like voodo... DON'T! STOP! *falls to the ground*
Andrea: AH! My alter-ego! Does anyone know CPR! AH! Too late, she's gone. Oh, well. Good chap.
| chao-friend chapter 7 . 6/7/2009
Whips are so overrated. Arg. Sorry. I know I'm being obnoxious again *hangs head* Turtle torture hurts me on the inside and makes me cranky. So, so sorry.
| Gwen Gamgee chapter 11 . 6/4/2009
Ok, I think I said it all in my last review but... this is pretty much where thinking like girls start to seriously interfere with a great plot line.
First off: THEY SAY TOO MUCH! I couldn't even finish this, simply because the alot of the stuff they guys say in this chapter is just not something they would ever say. Even in extreme situtations... guys, especially with the turtles personallities, cover up what exactly they mean to say with something else. The part that's sweet is when the other brother understands what he means to say anyway, you know?
Secondly: Would Raph ever seriously commit suicide? The guy has too much of a survivor's instinct. I see him running off and disapearing with out a trace until they find him and make him come home, but suicide? The closest I could see Raph coming is trying to take on the whole foot clan because he's angry. He might feel like he shouldn't be living, but he'll go out with a bang, you know?
As I said before, take time to get inside a guy's head. This story will have a lot more power with less dramatics if you manage to do that.
| Gwen Gamgee chapter 10 . 6/4/2009
Ok, as far as plot lines go, this is a good concept. And some of the back and forth jibes between the brothers are pretty darn good. However...
If you are going to write about four brothers you need to get inside a guy's head. In all honesty? They speak and act like girls. I'm not saying this to be mean, because I myself have had trouble with this in the past, but this is an area you need to work on.
First off, Raph speaks way too much. Raph is more of a "not let his feelings out" kinda guy. While he would be protective of Mikey, he would not say it, just act it, mostly by stepping in front of him defesively, not clutching him.
Mikey is way too timid, they all are. Mikey would act scared, but not in the way you portray him. Too much clutching, not enough annoying screaming and bad jokes.
Don is pretty good, but too easily frustated. Recall that this is the most patient of the turtles. He may seeth inside his head, but would not show his frustration so obviously.
And Leo... well in all honesty Leo act too much like a "big sister surroget mother" then a "big brother surroget father." There's a big difference between hugging and "Don't worry, we'll protect you" and grabbing his arm to make him look at him and saying "Mike, we're going to get through this. We will."
Guys have they're own way of saying things and girls thiers. This doesn't hold in every situation but the fact remains that the guys are handling this as females. Take time to study the guys in your life, breathe deep, then read this story again. Perhaps you'll rewrite, perhaps you won't, but I think you'll see what I'll talking about. Also, watch the turtle's cartoon, at least a couple episodes, or even the movies, and that will help you get back on track.
I hope you found this helpful. You really are a good writer.
| Miles333 chapter 23 . 3/23/2009
You should definitely make a sequel! :D
| Miles333 chapter 22 . 3/23/2009
I really think that the guys should have been more despressed about Splinter dying.
| Miles333 chapter 21 . 3/23/2009
Wow, that was so exciting! ! !
| Miles333 chapter 19 . 3/23/2009
I can't wait for the big battle!
| Miles333 chapter 18 . 3/23/2009
Aw, such a sweet chapter. :D
| Miles333 chapter 17 . 3/23/2009
Oh, they're turned back to turtles, already? *looks disappointed*
| Miles333 chapter 16 . 3/23/2009
Splinter returns. 0.0
| Miles333 chapter 15 . 3/21/2009
This is SO awesome!
| Miles333 chapter 14 . 3/21/2009
Wow, his brothers are going to think he's kind of weird. Why would he want to live in the SEWERS?
| Miles333 chapter 13 . 3/21/2009
MIKEY! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
| Miles333 chapter 12 . 3/21/2009
Don't tell me that Don and Mikey both tried to kill themselves, too.