|Reviews for Life After Lisa|
| Hecken92 chapter 2 . 1/24/2009
(I do have a FF account, Im just too lazy to log in lol)
So sweet! You have to do a new chapter! I love it, so well written :D
| doctor-who-fangirl chapter 1 . 7/17/2008
Aw. I loved this.
| Cutiepie2191 chapter 2 . 6/30/2008
Great story! Keep up the good work:)
| crazytook chapter 2 . 6/23/2008
again, it's good. this chapter is a little weaker than the last one, though. i think you had an interesting idea with jack listening in on ianto and owen. that was a good transitional bit, and a great reason for this scene to exist. and jack has some nice initial reactions to it.
first critique (and this is someone everybody does, and i just don't think it's a natural human behavior) using full names. use full names with caution. we rarely ever do it in real life as people. in my semi-professional opinion, i think there are 4 (technically 5) reasons we ever use full names in real life 1)to get someone's attention, (like Hey, hannah smith, are you listening to me? or come on, marie franklin, you know that i'm right about that political issue we were discussing.) and even then, sometimes it's just the first name that we use. 2) in prepared speeches. you can pretty much do anything you want with a prepared speech. it can be as sappy and vulnerable or cruel as you want it to. ( prepared speeches being like proposing marriage, wedding vows, or like in titanic when jack gives that "fire within you rose" speech.) 3) to buy yourself time. imho, i think you're better off using full names before saying things like "i love you" not after. it is really hard to say those three words, and the natural tendency is to just want to go quiet afterwards, to just get it out and run away, not to say a full name afterwards. but to say ianto jones, i love you, is fine, because the name is stalling before letting yourself be vulnerable. 4) to clarify, and please don't over extend this one. you rarely need to clarify who it is you're talking to. the big example is if you've just cheated on your bf/gf and are saying "but i love you, full name, not him/her" it's when a clarification is really crucial to the conversation, and when it's the name that's doing the clarifying. in this fic, what is clarifying is the actual statement of "i love you" not who it's being said to.
OK, that is all just my opinion, but it is something i see a lot of in fanfic, and it's a bit of a pet peeve. so take it or leave it, all i ask is that if you do disagree with me, just to pay attention to how often you use people's full names and how often you hear other people use full names (including yours!) and then if you still disagree, please let me know when you hear them used the most so i can amend my rules!
alright, that was really long, but i have a few more notes for you, and then i'll shut up because this is just all my opinion, and i am by no means an authority.
2) you're rushing your scenes. i actually liked jack calming down and trying to relate to ianto on a personal level by sharing how he gets over lost loves, and the "crap at psychology" line seemed particularly jack to me. the only problem tho, is that ianto tries it once and gets over the guilt immediately. this kind of technique jack is trying does not just work right away, this is the kind of thing that takes time. and, don't get me wrong, i want the janto fluff, stat!, but it has to come in time if you are going to choose to write something this complicated. ianto can decide that the guilt is irrational and jack is worth the guilt, that's something that can happen in the length of story you're dealing with, but guilt is a festering irrational thing that just doesn't get fixed in one conversation, as much as we might wish to the contrary.
3) what's making jack confess to loving ianto? i mean, there's a reason he hasn't said it yet. why now? i think that's an important question (and this is a similar comment i had in the last chapter about the owen conversation.) anytime you have a character make a major decision (like telling someone they love someone else) ask yourself "why is this character deciding to do this now?" is it because they had a fight? i mean, how many times has jack almost lost ianto (to various things, aliens, cyberlisa, etc...) that makes him really fear that he might lose ianto now if he doesn't clarify that he loves him? and aren't there other ways to convince someone they aren't just a shag other than saying i love you? saying "i care about you" tends to do it. i think people (especially like jack) want to do the least amount to fix something. when people go overboard with the romantic gestures, it's because they feel they can't do enough to fix something, or because the other person deserves so much more than they can give. i'm not convinced jack feels like that.
OK. i'm done now. i do just want to emphasize that i did like your story, i think you have the basic elements in place, i just think there are a few more questions you can ask yourself when writing.
and please, please remember, i'm just one person, and as i said, i am not an authority, i'm just a poor little acting student who has way to many opinions, and reads way to much fanfic.
and if anything i said doesn't make any sense, please feel free to email/message me.
kudos on the story! keep writing!
| hotflower901 chapter 2 . 6/23/2008
Knocking. why can't people ever knock.
Gwen is to nosy for her own good
I loved it
| crazytook chapter 1 . 6/23/2008
It's good. you have a good grasp on something that tends to get overlooked in janto fanfic. that jack has lost others he's been in love with, and ianto lost lisa, and he was also in love with her. it isn't as clear to jack and ianto as it is to us that they love each other.
you did a nice job with owen being awkward to talk about the subject, because he is cynical, but feeling he needed to, because he's secretly an idealist (cynicism is the last refuge of the idealist!)
the only critique i have is (and this is a common mistake, even movies make it) that the dialogue seems rushed to me, and it seems unmotivated. and by unmotivated, i don't mean you as the writer seem to lack inspiration, i mean that i'm a bit confused as to what made owen's idealistic side want to come out and play. i mean that story he reveals is a huge bomb that im sure he never talks about and ianto looking sad i don't think is enough for him to want to share.
just keep in mind for future reference that your characters need to have a reason that makes them get over their huge emotional blocks other than you need them to.
other than that one little thing, i liked it. it's a good start to what seems to be an interesting exploration.
| geekchic79 chapter 2 . 6/22/2008
really good :) you should definately update
| Jennie-x chapter 2 . 6/22/2008
awwh that was dedicated to me :D thanks. i loved it twas brilliant
| geekchic79 chapter 1 . 6/21/2008
i thought you wrote owen very well :)
| Cutiepie2191 chapter 1 . 6/20/2008
Great story! Keep up the good work:)
| hotflower901 chapter 1 . 6/20/2008
job well done.
| Jennie-x chapter 1 . 6/20/2008
awwh that was really sweet.. maybe a chapter 2 with some details of how jack helped ianto move on :)