|Reviews for Journey of the Three Failures|
| Just Retribution chapter 24 . 12h
I've held my silence this long, but I'm afraid this chapter broke me. Where to start...
Complements, I suppose. Never liked stories with half breeds, a common trope that always seemed to fall back on the same clichés. I almost stopped with yours, but your story was too good. You have an excellent plot; original, deep, and revitalized from the old world we all know and love. Your characterization is second to none. I can only think of a handful of other authors capable of comparing to your depth of emotional portrayal. Your prose sometimes come off as a little wordy, but only because of the poetic nature that's reflected within. You write with the fevor of a new author, but command an army of characters with the organization of a seasoned author. Of all the stories I've read, you are the only one who's written from the perspective of so many characters, but given deep consideration for each one. They're all human, and that speaks loudly about your ability to write.
Now on to the reason for this review.
The Naruto/Hinata dynamic here has become...unbelievable. What I mean is Hinata's continual loss of control and constant lashing out at Naruto. I get it, she's got the demon side to her that rivals no other on instinctual behavior. And Naruto's got that forgiving streak longer than the Elemental Nations. But where's the line? She's nearly killed him multiple times now. What does it take for her to step back and realize the price of her power comes at the cost of her loved ones? It could have happened multiple times through their travels, when Hinata thrashed the others (especially Naruto) simply because she'd tapped into her demon side.
It should have happened when she nearly killed him as they sat in prison. How can she accept the forces she wields is a double edged blade, when she's nearly killing the one she loves most every time she uses it? Then there's Naruto.
He wields the nine tails. Granted he doesn't ever use it, understandable considering the track record he has with Kurama. But allowing himself to be swatted around like dead flesh seems a bit...skewed. He's forgiving and loving and wants nothing but the best for Hinata. But what does it take for him to finally put his foot down and say "enough"? He's the strongest, at least from your writing that's what I've gathered. He's the embodiment of a sage master; power uncomparable, but a pacifist at heart.
But he's also human, humans have breaking points. How many times could he really take being attacked like some encroaching threat by girl he loves before he finally says no more? Before he finally puts his foot down and tells her to gain complete control or lose the power? Or, more realistically I think, evoke the power of the Kyubi and assert dominance over her so that any time she does slip, it only takes a inkling of the Kyubi to bring her down. To recognize her position in power.
I understand there's a sort of...resentment between wolves and foxes, but one thing both recognize instinctually is power and dominance. Something I know Naruto has over Hinata but never displays. It confuses me. Humans can forgive, but its in our nature to bite back when a line has been crossed. That line doesn't seem to exist in this story between Naruto and Hinata.
Lastly i wanted to address Hinata's relatioship with the rest of the alliance. Her self control has slipped too many times, she's comparable to Neji at New Oto, but unlike him the people around her aren't wary of her. It's a bit one sided there. With how many times she's lashed out, the others should at least be slightly watchful when she's around.
I realize this review doesn't do a lot since the story has already been completed, but I had to get it off my chest I guess. Considering the length and depth of this story, I'd say what I've written about above is the only flaw I've found in your writing. And it's not really that big in the grand scheme of things. If you wanted it to go like that, fine. You're the author, you hold the power. But as authors, it's our responsibility to create believable justification for our characters actions.
Now that I've gotten that out, I'm gonna shut my trap and enjoy the rest of this magnificent story :)
| Battlesny chapter 6 . 5/25
well, Aconite is probably called Women's Bane for a reason. :)
also, Lee has a "that power"?
| Bamthenight chapter 17 . 5/24
When i started reading this a while back but never finished it but one of my friends reminded me about it and i must say good story telling. Also i found a song that goes perfectly with this From Heads Unworthy by Rise Against
| Guest chapter 18 . 5/16
The random Japanese is really unnecessary. Just use English.
Japanese is fine for things like jutsu and the names of places but don't randomly insert it into sentences. It doesn't make the story more "authentic" it just looks stupid.
Saying stuff like "ohayo gouzaimasu" doesn't add anything to the story. Just say "good morning".
| Battlesny chapter 5 . 5/12
what's wrong with Hinata magically healing? isn't that normal for werewolves?
| Guest chapter 13 . 5/10
Yay they're gay
| Undying Soul98 chapter 32 . 5/3
Wow... just wow. This was an excellent fic, one deserving more reviews than what you currently have. It was a wild rollercoaster, and questions are left unanswered, but I don't really mind. This was a good story, with an interesting premise and a cool divergence point- with well written characters and realistic power ups that I could legitimately see the three rejects getting. Naruto Kageken style of fighting was utterly amazing, Lee's choice to master the sword and Hinata's blood seal- plus, Sasuke was freakin' cool in this story. Either way, thanks for writing this story.
| zafnak chapter 32 . 4/26
I have, over the past three days, read this work of yours. A work that is obviously one of blood sweat tears and love. I've laughed, rolled my eyes and honestly been a bit frustrated at certain points. But I never wanted to stop, even to sleep.
This story is FUCKING EPIC and it deserves to be considered in the top ten of FUCKING EPIC stories on this site and any naysayers should get a juuken strike to the groin!
| zafnak chapter 30 . 4/25
Not that I think they will...but IF Hinata married Neji would that be... Hyuugacest? I mean, their fathers *were* identical twins so that would make them genetically half brother and sister...
| zafnak chapter 25 . 4/25
Hmmm I figured that Sasuke's ability to lie without giving any tells had something to do with with his eyes hypnotizing abilities but never to this extent. It is a wonder he didn't lose himself to the conflicting layers.
And color me misinformed, but doesn't Teme (as Naruto loves to call Sasuke) actually mean bastard? Or is this another teme?
| Guest chapter 4 . 4/24
Quasihemidemisemi quaver? British note naming conventions are so funny. 128th note is way simpler.
| zafnak chapter 19 . 4/23
Oooo! Hinata is a sneaky little sneak, isn't she? Beating Tsunade like that- total ninja underhandedness. Almost as sneaky as how canon Naruto won the wager with her...
| Guest chapter 18 . 4/22
Lee had a pet turtle named Lightning who.."ran" away? Too funny all things considered.
| mvfclmac chapter 26 . 4/17
It's an old story but I still got to say that this chapter was a masterpiece. From Lee's personal journey being unfolded to the Hanabi-Neji fight, it was a brilliant piece of work. Well, Well done.
| Guest chapter 32 . 3/28
This is the absolute best Fan Fiction that I have ever had the pleasure of reading.