Reviews for The Unwanted
King of Kings chapter 22 . 12/17/2010
I just can't bring myself to like magenta or the doctor in this story.

the doctor here is basically an idiot..enough said. while your female lead is just about as mary sue as it get's without tacking on any ridiculous superpowers.

everything is just so plain...i suppose 1 or 2 dimensional here. nothing to identify with. the doc isn't badass and is apparently a wanker etc, and she just isn't likeable.

sigh.

sorry, just can't seem to like these characters.
The Queen of Confusion chapter 22 . 2/18/2010
Great story! Hope to see more soon!

SARAH
skye chapter 22 . 1/12/2010
Verity Ann Lambert, OBE (27 November 1935 – 22 November 2007) was an English television and film producer. She is best known as the founding producer of the science-fiction series Doctor Who
CriminalsAndSnipers chapter 22 . 1/12/2010
:D Love it. I was thinking David might come back to play meta but as Rose isn't gonna be in the next year he said he won't come back :( Meh. Matt Smith looks good EXCEPT Moffat let's him use a gun. THE DOCTOR DOES NOT USE A GUN. Hehe Sorry Rant Over / Anyway brill story :D Happy Belated Christmas
agapi16 chapter 21 . 1/9/2010
Wow, Just Wow!

I could help you with the workings of the British School System for future reference if you like.

I really love this story. It's so intricate. I especially love your idea with combining a sentient biologically grown organism within a Time-Lord. The way I've said it is kinda wrong, but your explantion is absolute genius!

Keep up the good work!

agapi16
CriminalsAndSnipers chapter 21 . 12/31/2009
xD This is hilarous (?). Please try and update soon xD And Have A Happy New Year :D
Batmobiled chapter 3 . 12/22/2009
It's a good idea, but incredibly confusing.

You might want to try mapping out your stories before writing them, and maybe cutting out some unneeded -or extra- parts.

I would also look into getting a beta-reader tp check up on grammar, punctuation and the like.

You might want to look out for possible plot-holes and unneccesarily lengthly sentences.

-Lumos
CriminalsAndSnipers chapter 20 . 12/22/2009
Totally Awesome :D Please update soon
The Wicked That Mourns Just chapter 19 . 12/19/2009
a tad confusing at times, but completely brilliant! i can't wait for your next!
CriminalsAndSnipers chapter 17 . 12/8/2009
This is such an awesome story please update !
chelle20 chapter 16 . 6/21/2009
update sooner this time. is the valeyard the doctor?
Azza a.k.a Hamey chapter 11 . 12/13/2008
PlazzaBazza,

You have astounded me as usual. Great job on the plot, keep up the bloody farking good job!

SAVE THE LIPS!
Caellach Tiger Eye chapter 1 . 12/9/2008
Goodness ... I've never been more angered by a Mary-Sue character in my life! Is there anything Magenta CAN'T do?

I'm sorry, but it's quite true your character is a Sue:

*She is somehow wealthy

*she is well-liked by all except for the conveniently one-dimensional 'bad'teachers

*you've allowed females exclusive control over regeneration. Come on, the Doctor doesn't control HIS regenerations mainly because his wounds are often too fatal, and there's no time! Romana simply had time to choose. You are being a blatant sexist here, and I as a male would not have done the same for my own gender.

* she can control her regenerations (and the personality changes seem void) whenever she wants to, it seems

* your characters are one-dimensional, being apparently all-good or all-bad. Magenta seems perfect. The teachers are either suck-ups, or purely bad people who all hate. The robber is entirely unsympathetic just because of his actions. People are NOT all-good or all-bad. There is more complexity to them. Some criminals act out of desperation, or to feed their families. Some people have bad views just because they were raised to not know better. People like Magenta NEED to be wrong, because learning from being wrong is a part of life! IT. IS. FACT. Accept life, because I will not give positive reviews to people with shallow views.

* A good writer can understand multiple perspectives and personalities. I'm only getting one view, and that is that everyone agrees with her. You need to learn empathy, to understand things from other's perspectives. The Doctor, for instance: he saved Madame de Pompadour to retain the time-space continuum and prevent the Reapers from coming again, and would have come back for Rose. Conservative Headmistresses simply don't understand change, and their intentions are good, not bad.

Your description is good - better than most people's who write better STORIES in general. Your problem, as I've made clear, is that you don't seem to create a realitic situation. I find it hard to relate to Magenta, who is not only not human but does not come across, to me, as a likable and sympathetic character but a, well, a Sue. Even the more alien-behaving Doctor incarnations are easier to empathise with. So far, all I'm getting from MAgenta is the feeling that the Doctor left her there to learn important human emotions such as compassion and empathy, and failed miserably. She feels like a computer program to me.

I'm sorry about the harsh review, but I'm being honest. Quite honestly, I'm making a conscious effort to not flame you for creating an annoying OC. I do wish you luck with future projects, of course. Godspeed.

P.S. If you want to discuss these issues, I'm always open!
Amanda Shatirah chapter 1 . 10/15/2008
Well, OK, so here in the UK we don't have Grade 12, nor do the kids 'graduate' per se. After year 10 (the year people sit their GCSE exams) they either 'leave school', or they go to 'college' for two years (aka 6th form) to prepare for A-level exams. Then on to university... providing you pass! ;-P

So... no grade 12, no grad, perhaps a leaving party at the end of year 10... and of course by the time A levels are finished everyone is old enough to go to the pub and get rat-arsed.

Unless, like me, you are a teetotaller, LOL!

Other than those details, this is an interesting (if at times random) story... do keep it up1
RingWarriorAzec2113 chapter 11 . 10/11/2008
Poor you!

Anyway this is realy good so far and I love it!

Please update soon.
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