|Reviews for Just a Pinch of Pixie Dust|
| sonder this chapter 29 . 7/26
Even to the very end, your first chapter remains to be my first love. I thought it was a spec-TACULAR way to kick off a Peter Pan story - how modern, how mysterious, /have/ these two met before?, are they referring to their very first meeting in the movie?, why is Peter Pan not a boy anymore? All these questions were running through my head while by the second chapter, I was just grinning from start to end. That being said, I do have a constructive critique to share with you even though this story has been finished for quite some time.
Before I begin though, let me tell you that you have captured Pan's cockiness and very Pan-like reactions to, well, a lot of certain situations. So while I can say he was IC for the most part in your story, there were some instances that made me do a double-take. His instances of intellectual-speak, so to speak. We know he's the kind of individual to enjoy being constantly in motion and is pretty impatient with nearly everything so I find it surprising that you had Peter be patient enough and interested enough to educate himself on these sort of terminology and/or topics (cerebral plasma, Fibonacci sequence, lack of common cold cure, possible consequences of overdose). Nevermind that for some of the words he used he may not have understood but the fact that he used them at all was eyebrow-raising.
Your Wendy has been quite blunt and is no pushover since the start of this show so it is peculiar that in chapter 14, she would ask Peter (a boy who brought her great pains at the time) to help her bat off Fred's attention when there had not even been an attempt on her part to tell the guy to back off the first time around. Yes, you emphasized how bulky the guy was but even size shouldn't deter this Wendy (heck, she stood up to Hook who kidnapped her, threatened her, and waved his gun around in her face). I also found it strange and disingenuous of her to tell Peter off for being immature and to leave her alone a bajillion times, only to turn around in the next couple minutes to ask for his help when SHE needs it. But I appreciate the fact that you did not make Peter immediately forgiving in turn by the end of that chapter.
Continuing on the Wendy trail, this girl has said and pulled all kinds of things to kick Peter Pan off her tail without any favorable results on her side but during her first Pan-free week (due to his illness), she didn't even form a modicum of suspicion? And believed that it was her doing that he finally stopped following her?
Since Peter Pan is no stranger to manipulating people, isn't it OOC for him then that he falls for the age-old trap of accepting to terms that has "Anything" set up as a bargain? (I'm referring to the scene in Ch.15 where he begged Wendy to take care of his cold and that he'd do anything for her while /knowing/ that this girl would do anything to get away from him.)
There's this odd oscillation between slapstick violence that we all know from the Peter Pan series (like so in Ch.16 where Pan started beating Hook's end with a newspaper roll during what looked like a more than usual violent brawl between the two) and actual violence where real blood is being spilled and how the characters react to that - from crying to making light of the situation - Ch.16 just boggled my mind. As a suggestion for any future stories, it's better to keep to a consistent mood for big scenes like this. It ruins the narrative when the reader is about to feel for the character only to realize it wasn't even a big deal to the characters in the end anyways (such as how Peter Pan was bleeding out on the floor and Wendy was crying and suddenly they all just got up afterwards, making jokes).
I absolutely loved that you included Tinkerbell's side of things because she's often overlooked for her, er, hostile personality but how you talked about her sacrifices at the cost of what made her Tinkerbell, well that certainly adds to the dismal atmosphere of how much things have changed for the Neverland residents. But now that begs the question... true to his character, Peter all this time has been oblivious to girls' come-ons (ex: the waitresses) and Tinkerbell's love for him but then when it comes to loving Wendy, he tells her that of course he'd know what love is but doesn't that claim contradict his years worthy of obliviousness? He says he's lived long enough to know what love is but when it comes from his closest companion aka Tinkerbell, he doesn't even recognize it. Also, wouldn't knowing what love is prevent him from going back to Neverland? Since that means you are finally maturing? Presuming this is Peter Pan's first time loving something/somebody then how can he recognize the feeling in the first place?
Living in NYC, seeing the things he's seen, spilling his old friend's blood and being wounded in turn, still feeling guilt over the accident, witnessing death and actually having the desire to kill someone - these are not the sort of events or thoughts that reinforce one's purity and Neverland only allows entry to one pure of heart so how has Pan been going back and forth constantly? Especially at the end? Also since he has been becoming more mortal, wouldn't there be more of a struggle for him to return? I'm surprised that they managed to fly at all after such a painful talk - the wonderful thoughts they had to summon to take off must have been more bittersweet than anything.
If Peter Pan has been careful of using his abilities in the public eye then why did he allow Wendy to open her eyes during their inhumanely fast run? Or even showed Kim when he tugged her along the school hallways to find Wendy?
Ch.18 was one of my favorite emotional chapters from you; it tied up some loose ends that needed to be tied. Like the fact that Wendy DOES get exhausted and scared for her life after every one of these near death experiences. And that she has a limit. The fact that Peter does notice how she seems to yank him around and yet she treats him like a leper. Yes, yes, multiple yes's. I'm glad you didn't make their relationship out to be a smooth road because with their kind of characters, there is a lot of hashing out to be done.
Be careful of using the term 'retard,' I understand that in 2008 (and even to this day), most people probably don't understand the harm of using this term as a joke but it's indirectly condescending towards actual individuals who are looked down upon for their "retarded" mindsets.
In this final chapter, I know you didn't intend it this way but Wendy sounded selfish when she kept insisting that she was doing this for Peter (urging him to return to his roots) because she didn't want to feel guilty for his predicament anymore. Her guilt is realistic but her justification to make him stay on that island (by himself on top of that, aside from the mermaids if they even still exist after his long absence) sounds like so: 'Please stay in Neverland because this guilt is making me feel awful. And I want to get rid of this feeling.' A few lines beyond just the reasoning of guilt would have made her selflessness shine through better.
Last detail about this chapter - Wendy says unlike her, Peter has no family to go back to but that's not true for the lost boys are his family, aren't they?
Anyways, you fleshed out the mechanics of why&how Peter Pan and his cast ended up outside of Neverland pretty well. You caught the very strange relationship between Pan and Hook (their immortality allows certain privileges to violence that we mere mortals cannot even begin to comprehend). You had a nice dose of humor in the beginning and inserted serious material when it was necessary. There were some kinks in balancing the comedy and the drama at times but I kinda already addressed that all the way back there and besides, this story has been written eight years ago so kudos to you for managing all of that hefty stuff in the second half PLUS completing this story at all. Your writing style must have transformed a lot since then so perhaps I'm repeating things you have caught since looking back. Thank-you for sharing this and enduring the making of this journey even when it seemed like you were gonna kaput at times.
| Riri26 chapter 29 . 7/24
I know its been years since you wrote this fic. And I don't know if you will read this but I just want to tell you that I love this story too much kekeke 3
Too bad you don't write sequel for this huhuhu but thank you for writing this wonderful story 33
| Yuyui Hime chapter 17 . 8/28/2015
Hahahahahaha Peter can sure make some scenes in the hospital
| Yuyui Hime chapter 12 . 8/28/2015
Yes, he is one I!cocky guy. So only Wendy can handle him haha
| Yuyui Hime chapter 10 . 8/28/2015
To think that pirates heal their heart by playing bowling
| Yuyui Hime chapter 9 . 8/28/2015
Peter sure has his way in not letting Wendy go no matter what happen
| Yuyui Hime chapter 8 . 8/28/2015
I wonder where still story will gooo
| Yuyui Hime chapter 6 . 8/28/2015
Ohh! Go sassy Wendy!
| Yuyui Hime chapter 5 . 8/28/2015
Leaving Wendy wet while he himself went dancing with other girl was so mean :-( please kill that evil waiter
| Yuyui Hime chapter 4 . 8/28/2015
Woo Peter seems so persistent
| Yuyui Hime chapter 3 . 8/28/2015
Hahaha I love the way you wrote Peter's character in the story. It's so like him!
| Yuyui Hime chapter 2 . 8/28/2015
Ohh Tinkerbell is a cat! Good one! :-D and I love the way you use the line of 'second street to the right and straight on till morning'!
| Yuyui Hime chapter 1 . 8/28/2015
Ohh! Lovin the first chapter already!
| Guest chapter 29 . 4/5/2015
Perfect and that adding anything to it would kind of spoil it. Sorry for the chopped review, I mistakenly touched the post review button on my phone
| Guest chapter 29 . 4/5/2015
I have never read a Peter Pan fiction that has actually made me laugh and cry inside as much as this one. Thank you for sharing! You write marvelously and while I ache for a sequel, I think the ending is too