|Reviews for The Road Less Traveled By|
| Loner Kid chapter 1 . 12/11/2013
Hermione? Isnt it Sakura?
| CiNyC chapter 9 . 11/15/2010
The story is great, but don't make everyone go OOC. They are showing small tendencies at the moment.
| SeaweedBrainVon chapter 14 . 9/13/2009
Really great story so far. I can't wait for the next chapter, update soon please!
| Halan Lore chapter 14 . 9/25/2008
What an annoying cliffie!
| WetFire102 chapter 14 . 9/2/2008
this sounds really good so far, i can't wait to read more of it. i really can't wait to find out how team 7 carries out their mission. Well, please update soon!
| akuma-river chapter 14 . 8/4/2008
I debated on writing this review for several reasons. The first is that I am going to give some much needed concrit on your writing and you are not going to like me for it. In fact, there are so many issues, you may take this as a flame or be completely crushed at what I am about to say.
First off, know that I am saying this not to be mean or to spread the 'hate' around. I'm a writer myself and I am just trying to give you some 'professional' advice on how to enhance your writing.
Having said that, I think I should just get into the nitty gritty part of why I am writing this review. You should know that if it was not for the uniqueness of the premise of your story I would not have continued to read it to the last chapter you have up. I only read it because the plot plot was so unusual having Narutotachi being hired the Death Eaters to kidnap Harry for the ritual. Usually, it is the opposite, they are hired to protect Harry.
That is good. A unique twist on a tired and true plot is a good idea to draw in audiences who would normally pass up on reading the story.
Now for the bad. Because of the unique plot twist, they expect certain things. I was shocked at how chummy Narutotachi was acting with Harry and his friends. Not only because Sasuke is so anti-social, but because as shinobi they have to be careful to not become friendly with the perceived enemy that they are hired against. Not to mention that Harry and his friends were completely fine with Narutotachi hanging out and being friends with Malfoy?
Why are they not suspicious? Why are they so trusting? There is nothing that shows they are concerned about how chummy Narutotachi is with the Malfoys, who are known Dark Arts supporters and his father being a 'former' Death Eater who gave a possessed Dark Arts object to Ron's sister?
Another thing that really concerned me is that you are skipping around to 'key' plot points in the book. You are not giving your own ideas about what having Narutotachi around in Hogwarts would change things? Three new people with their own objectives are just hanging around hogwarts, don't think there would be something interesting happening in the off times?
Who's hanging with whom? What classes are they better at or not good at? How are they interacting with the other class mates and house mates? How are they coping being separated into three different houses? What does Harry and his friends think of these newcomers and their placements into the house system?
What about Snape? Where is he in all of this? In Book 7 it was revealed that he tasked himself with the protection of Harry Potter at the cost of his own life and possible destruction of his soul. Where is his suspicious thoughts and spying on these foreign exchange students who just suddenly pop up right when the dark is getting active once more?
What about Dumbledore? Has he talked to Harry about the newcomers? Warned him about trusting them? Told him to watch them carefully?
What about Draco? What does he think about these newcomers and their placements in Hogwarts? Why is not making his own plans? Why did he suddenly allow Naruto into his clique?
Also, where are the manipulative plans of Dumbledore, Malfoy, Crouch, Snape, and the Minister? There are so many puppeters pulling strings being the scenes.
I think the thing that really bugs me is that you just write what people say. You don't give insight into the characters and their motivations. You don't give an analysis into what the characters are doing or how they are saying what they are saying.
There is also the fact that you don't explain how Narutotachi knows English or why they are not speaking Japanese around themselves to keep others from knowing what they are talking about. They are Shinobi, trained assassins and spies, and yet they are casually talking with the people who are their preceived enemies, in English no less?
Another thing, how are Narutotachi Anbu? How old are they? You mention Shippuden but you never say where in canon wise this story takes place. How old are Narutotachi? Are they really only 14? Which will put them before the 3 year jump (which they are nearer to 16 than 14). Yet Tsunade is the Hokage so that puts it after Sandaime was killed by Orochimaru? That makes them too young to be Anbu. Not to mention you don't even address, if this is after Sasuke left for Orochimaru, how Naruto got Sasuke back.
Another problem is the characterization. You are playing and plotting too much of your story on the canon characterizations and the plot line. You are not fleshing out your own story and just seem to be making a juvenile attempt at telling a story.
I know that I am nearly twice your age and I have vast more writing experience and this seems like too much, but if you plan on being a serious writer than you should listen to what I've said.
So much is missing from your story, it's like there's very little connecting it all together and is causing the reader to not make an emotional attachment to the characters.
In fact, if there was another story out there with this premise, I can tell you that I would not be reading yours.
Fanfiction is about the what if. A major part of the what if is writing a whole new story, not just inserting various things and arriving to a new conclusion. You need to show how things are happening and being influenced by people's actions because of the what if.
To me, this story, unfortunately, does live up to the what the summary implies it can be. It's going to a movie theatre and expecting to see an A-list acting and plot and only receiving B-rated material.
Like I stated before, I'm not saying this to be mean, I'm saying this because I know you can do much better. You just need to put more work and effort into it. You have a great idea, now you just need to write that idea into a good story.
| idkwtusb chapter 14 . 8/4/2008
i dont know why, but ur website is just not working... great chapter! XD
| idkwtusb chapter 13 . 7/24/2008
yay! u posted a new chapter! can u write a longer one next time? XD
| Akku-chan chapter 3 . 7/22/2008
Please learn how to use punctuation marks. There should at least be a period at the end of every sentence. It's kind of hard for me to believe you don't know this. If you do, but aren't doing it, it just makes you look uneducated. When you already have a period or exclamation mark, don't put a comma afterwards.
| idkwtusb chapter 12 . 7/22/2008
yay! but the chapter was short... oh well. XD this is getting exciting. lol.
| eternal-uchiha chapter 1 . 7/22/2008
| rose-of-alabaster chapter 11 . 7/19/2008
Meh. You can write better. Too bad this chapter was so short. 'The mission starts now' O.o RUN HARRY RUN!
| idkwtusb chapter 11 . 7/17/2008
yay! you made a chapter! and is "san" for boys or girls or for both?
| Greatkingrat88 chapter 11 . 7/16/2008
oh, so it's finally time to for team 7 to carry out their orders? I have to say i'm excited, and i wonder just how they will go about executing their plan. my advice to you is, don't get hung up on team 7 doing wizarding stuff. that's fun and all, but it has been done before, and what really makes me want to read this story is the idea of team 7 doing violent things to harry potter- that's the original part of the story. so please, have them kidnap and brutalize harry, and then leave him to lucius. That said, you are doing good. please update soon, and good day.
| idkwtusb chapter 10 . 7/3/2008
aw... ur not going to post until the 29th? :( well, have fun on ur trip!