|Reviews for Seireitei no Jinchuuriki|
| Hebi R chapter 9 . 12/11/2009
“Sorry, Kisuke; the kid's too good to read smut, let alone touch it.”
It would make more sense if you said that Naruto was "too good to touch smut, let alone read it," rather than the other way around.
| Hebi R chapter 8 . 12/11/2009
"I don't know how Hikifune and Urahara dealed-” I think you meant "dealt."
| Hebi R chapter 6 . 12/11/2009
And it continues...
"A laughter echoed down the halls" There is no such thing as "a laughter." I think you mean "As laughter echoed...," or even "Laughter echoed."
"She was sure in due time she'd be given full forgiveness of what has happened." Please, "for what had happened." You would never say "of what..." and you should also avoid switching to present tense in the middle of a sentence like H1N1 (much beter than "like the plague," in my opinion).
"There off to meet with some people in Rukongai...”
"They are..." or "They're..."
This one is a bit nit-pickitty (and I understand that is not realy a word), but...“Your fat- er..." Rin could have said "fa-" or "fath-," but since the word "father" does not contain a "t" sound, stopping on that letter just does not work.
"At least Uchiha is quiet once most of the time.” This sentence makes no sense.
| Hebi R chapter 5 . 12/11/2009
Yes, I know. I need professional assistance. I just cannot help myself!
"Yamamoto thinks you're plans on putting you on a seated officer position within the year"
As long as it contains "thinks you're," this sentance makes no sense.
"Ichigo and Rukia were even interested in this," should be "Even Ichigo and Rukia were interested in this." This includes the punctuation changes.
"either that or he was about to find out something that Naruto didn't like to share with others." Considering Renji had just said that Naruto would be upset that they had revealed this, there is no question that Naruto does not like to share this information.
"Naruto, as far as he cared, had the most beautiful of all swords in the Gotei Thirteen." I think you meant, "as far as he was concerned."
"That was saying something too, since Rukia's blade was said to be the most beautiful of all zanpakuto..."
Actually, it is not really saying all that much, as you are talking about Naruto's regard for his own Shikai. If other people started talking about it, THEN that would be saying something.
"Vasto Lordes, the highest known category of Arrancars." Vasto Lorde are NOT the highest catagory of Arrancars, they are the strongest form of Menos Grande/Hollows. Arrancar are like the Vizard in that they have both shinigami and Hollow abilities, but being an Arrancar does not say much about an individual's strength. You have some Arrancar, like D-Roy, who are like ordinary shinigami in terms of strength. Most of the Fraccion appear to be as strong as the lieutenants and high-ranked seated officers, while the Espada are supposed to be at least as strong as a captain.
Also, Hitsugaiya said that ten Vasto Lordes would be enough to destroy Soul Society, but did not say that they would need to be Arrancars as well.
| Hebi R chapter 4 . 12/11/2009
Again, I like the fic, but I cannot stop editting. It's even part of my job.
"However, unlike Zangetsu, this blade was more rigid on the corners, not smooth and curved."
The term "rigid" refers to something that is stiff/inflexible. You cannot tell that a sword bends more or less easily than Zangetsu by looking at it.
“So you say that there was another Soul Reaper that injured Yammy to that extent?”
This sentance is somewhat awkward. For example, it implies that two different Soul Reapers injured Yami. It also fails to indicate what "that extent" means. For all this sentance tells you, two Soul Reapers could have given Yami equally bad papercuts. The latter problem could be corrected by stressing the "that" or by replacing the phrase "to that extent" with something like "that severely." The first problem could be fixed by saying "an unknown Soul Reaper" rather than "another."
| Hebi R chapter 2 . 12/11/2009
I like this fic, but I wanted to point out two things:
First, all Hollows are Menos, distinguishing them from all other souls, which are Plus. If Sasuke wanted to eat stronger Hollows, I assume he was aiming at the Menos Grande.
Second, the term "fellow peers" is redundant; one's peers are also one's fellows.
| mfmxxx chapter 12 . 12/2/2009
Hiyori seems to like Ichigo from this? It's hard to tell.
All the characters seem to like ruffling Naruto's hair.
Tsunade finding out about Yoruichi being Naruto's girlfriend will be hilerious.
Can we see Kushina any time soon or in the future?
| Malix2 chapter 12 . 11/29/2009
This is a pretty great fic, I'll look forward to seeing what happens next. :)
| puffdadder chapter 12 . 11/17/2009
very good, i can't wait for naruto to unlock his bankai and kick sasuke's butt from konoha back to heuco.
| RighteousHate chapter 12 . 11/1/2009
woah, great story!
| Shinzochi chapter 12 . 10/30/2009
This is such an AWESOME! series, i am so glad you chose to use two nice lengthy shows, adn i look forward to the next chapter (_)
| bumike99 chapter 12 . 10/27/2009
Awesome story, really enjoyed it.
| kyokoaurora chapter 12 . 10/25/2009
Excellent chap :)
| ragnrock kyuubi chapter 12 . 10/24/2009
good story hope to read more chapters soon
| Anomie86 chapter 12 . 10/24/2009
Yay for Naruto and Sasuke finally meeting! I hope Naruto won't still be trying to get that bastard to switch sides. Cutting off Sasuke's head seems like a much better solution. xD