Very well written.

Good story. Interesting take on Jadis.

It's over 11 years since you wrote this - a lovely piece of imaginative writing.
I'd always thought of Jadis's sister as being nearly as bad as Jadis herself, but your take on the story is brilliant. Charn in The Magician's Nephew is already reminiscent of Tolkien's Numenor; at the outset a generous and happy culture, becoming strong and then cruel and then ultimately miserable. You take this further - your Aria, like Tar-Palantir, rediscovers the better and nobler way of life that her ancestors have abandoned. Tragically, it is too late.
Your story sheds a new light on the depths of Jadis's self-justification - and self-deception - in The Magician's Nephew. I love your idea that what Jadis took to be an evil, underhand attempt by her sister to use magic against her was actually a prayer to the Lion. Aria mentions the word "victory" in the last sentence she utters; Jadis's twisted mind remembers it later only as an arrogant boast.
This was an inspired piece. I fancy Lewis would have approved and might even have accepted this as an accurate record of Charn's history.

An amazing piece. The descriptions, style, mood, and flow of this story were very very good. I had never thought of Aslan making himself known in other worlds besides Narnia and Earth, but why not? That was a brilliant twist.

Great job done. Thanks for sharing this.

awsome fic.

the best charn story i have found,

Further up and further in,

Bartholo

Well this was a nice little piece. I myself was thinking of writing a story of the fall of Charn but your work is so well done id hate to try to rival it. To me this reads like a well known legend being told and I like your idea of Aslan being in it. Great job!

Good job. I liked the elder sister.

I really loved this! When I first started reading I was skeptical because it's a story that has a lot of TELLING and not a lot of action, but I think you pulled it off wonderfully. I love the visual imagery you used to paint the picture of Charn and of Aria and Jadis - they both seem very real and true to how Lewis would possibly envision this. Wonderful story!

Very well written, and an interesting look at Jadis and her sister. I enjoyed reading it. (a side note, in paragraph 6 you use the word "affectively". For the meaning you are wanting, it should be "effectively." It's easy to confuse the two.)

This is AWESOME! Please, please write an afterlife piece or something for Aria, though, it leaves the reader a bit wanting.

I like it!

Wow. That was so deeo and insightful! I love the way you have portrayed Aria'a and Jadis' contrasting natures, and the way you explained their lineage before the sisters were born. You seriously are a great author! Keep it up and do please write more!

Ah! Very nice, and beautifully written, though there were a few superfluous commas here and there. But, really, the writing was superb. The beginning descriptions of the Deplorable Word and its forming were breathtaking. Bravo!

Cheers,

-ilysia

I decided to hop over here and check out your Narnia stories...and I'm so very glad I did!

It's wonderful to see an idea that thinks outside the movieverse, and your detailing and underlying emotion in this were phenomenally done. Great job!