Reviews for Sweets Songs Forever
Theralion chapter 1 . 11/19/2012
In my opinion, this story didn't seem to have much going for it apart from the twist at the end, since it largely seemed to be a generic wedding fic without much that was interesting or insightful about the characters. I generally write stories when I have a "point" in mind, particularly some message I want to convey or an idea I want to explore, and this story seemed to lack a purpose. Why was it written? Why would people want to read it? What can they take away from it? There do not seem to be answers to those questions, and nothing to set it apart from many other Nanoha/Yuuno fics.

In short, I would give it 2 out of 5 stars- between Satashi and iheart's ratings, and what I would give the majority of fan fiction on this site (my one- or zero-star ratings, when I choose to give them, are reserved for fics that are more than just boring or poorly written). I consider this not very well done, but I'm not outraged over it, although I do prefer Nanoha/Fate over Nanoha/Yuuno, albeit not to an extreme- the worst I can say about Yuuno is that people think he's more powerful than he actually is. You can do better- in fact, you have done better since writing this story, so you should see it as a past failure that you can learn from, and use what you've learned to improve as a writer.
iheartgod175 chapter 1 . 10/23/2012
I've heard that a lot of people reviewed this story and hated it. Curious as to why, I decided to check it out and review. Now, I'm going to give my review, and some feedback.

The story was actually pretty cute. The characters were all kept in character, and I love the references as to how Erio was so nervous walking down the aisle as ringbearer. In short, I think this is a very sweet story, and I think that it's a good way to show a new outlook for the couple.

Now, onto the feedback. Unlike most of the people who've reviewed this story, I'm going to be positive about mine.

A very good strong point for you is grammar, since you make sure that you have no typos or anything and I can respect that. However, there needs to be a good word flow, as even the wrong word can ruin a sentence. I thought that the narrative is excellent, but I personally wanted to see what happened after the wedding ceremony. The fact that this story was short was a bit of a disappointment to me.

Those were the only things that I didn't like about it. On the other hand, I would like to give you some words of encouragement, which is to care less about what other people think. Haters are gonna hate, and everyone knows that. You have the guts to keep coming back with stories featuring Yuunoha amidst all of the raging NanoFate fans, and that attitude is something to be truly respected. So my advice is this: keep doing what you're doing, and improve constantly. I don't think that this story was written to entertain yourself, since I was entertained. But if you want to have non-scathing reviews when you write your next story, then it would be best if you improved the points that I-and everyone else- have been talking about.

I give this story 3 out of 5 stars: not the best, but not the worst either. Just work some more on the word flow, and think of the story that you are trying to tell. That way, you can get much better reviews. Other than that, not bad.

-See you around and God bless,
iheartgod175
mllhild chapter 1 . 2/15/2012
The entire surprise is ruined by the fact that in the headline stands “Nanoha T. & Yuuno S.”.

The end is sudden and doesn’t leaves space for jokes and you should have tricked the reader during the fic into believing that it wasn’t Yuuno by making him forget about the headline.

The entire scenario seems static and cold since your description focuses to on superficial appearances, don’t describing much feelings and cutting the wedding ceremony to only one moment.
BEN chapter 1 . 9/20/2010
Father.

You shouldn't have done that...
ZeroXSEED chapter 1 . 4/29/2010
Seriously, this Fic is rockass.
I myself is a YuuNano fan, and my GF isa FeiNano, funny thing that we're in relationship since that bloody flamewar STARTED.
Her reaction when sing this was 0_0 and WTF BBQ? While I'm going XD and ROFL-ing hard! You have been Yuuno-Rolled indeed!

She was eased after reding the Fate version

Thumbs!
Momoko Harukaze chapter 1 . 8/26/2009
Oh my gosh I didn't read carefully at first so I thought Nanoha was marrying FATE! No offense to Fate/Nanoha lovers, but the couple creeps me out. YUUNO AND NANOHA FOREVER!

Great job on this fic!

Momo
lalalala chapter 1 . 5/23/2009
this fic sucks¡

i never think that someone could do this kind of story. honestlly this fics are not goods

dont read this shit
Iloveanime9493 chapter 1 . 2/21/2009
omg! i LOVE this couple! they so belong together!. i dont kno y ppl put nanoha and fate together. i guess its because they are the main characters n stuff. i never liked tht couple but this one,i give u ten thumbs up!(if i had tht many thumbs -.-)

Ja'ne!
rose1223 chapter 1 . 7/26/2008
frankly, it sucked.
Thepillows93 chapter 1 . 7/3/2008
I knew it.

xD
LowFlyer1080 chapter 1 . 7/3/2008
I really hate to say it, but I've no choice but to agree with Satashi-sensei's and illumina's reviews on this story. I read this with the understanding it was going to be NanoFate, but the twist at the end kind of left me going 'wtf?'.

Like illumina, i believe you should state a pairing as one or the other, not state it as one and change it at the end. The description was really lacking in tact. I'm not a fan of Yuunoha at all, but there are a select few stories i've read with that pairing that I don't mind.

Like Satashi stated: Don't write to upset your audience, or you'll lose them. In my experience I write to please myself, because I'm writing for others that share some of my likes and dislikes, thus i know that i'll satisfy that audience (i hope _). I'm currently in the middle of a challenge fic based off NanoFate that was issued to me by Major Mike Powell I. Had it not been for that challenge, i probably never would have written a Nanoha fic because i've read all of Satashi's and I know that I can't really stack up to sensei in that department at all. That's fine with me, but it doesn't mean I won't try to do my best.

Writing to please yourself is okay, as long as you don't do it to upset the audience. Take these few criticisms with a couple grains of salt. No one ever said anyone would get it right the first try. It's like riding a bike. If you fall off, don't give up. Stand up, dust yourself off, hop back on, and keep trying!

I know i've said this a million times in the probably 500 reviews i've made here on fanfiction dot net. But like my friend Thorn on a Rose always says:

Write from the heart!

-LF1080
ShadowGirdo chapter 1 . 7/3/2008
For a second there, I thought you were going to pair her with Chrono... Maybie I should do that? Thanks for the idea.

Anyway, I liked this short story, makes me want to read more of those coming from you. (I don't really feel like going into details so I'm gonna keep this short.)
lol chapter 1 . 7/2/2008
Haha, that was very nice. I like how we couldn't tell who Nanoha was getting married to until the very end.
Satashi chapter 1 . 7/2/2008
Before I begin I must state that I am a supporter of Nanoha and Yuuno, as well as Nanoha and Fate, and have written fanfiction about both couples. The following review was made with a neutral outlook regarding the characters.

Very poorly done. I love a good Yuunoha but this one was tactless, not well written, and marketed to the wrong people. Most of the story did not flow well, and it was painful the way you beat around Yuuno's gender. Your sentences were not fluent and generally were an annoyance to get through.

Interaction between the characters were cheesy to say the least. A simple he-said, she-said was apparent and it felt almost robotic. The lines were cliché as well, and I knew this would be "one of those fics" as soon as I got past the opening. Describing a dress and then saying that it isn't as good as the smile of the one wearing it... That is something so painfully cliché it hurts just seeing it.

The wedding itself was poorly under developed after the long build up to it. The summary says it is about Nanoha's wedding, but it ends right when the wedding starts. I highly recommend that this author does research on what he or she want to write about before going into it.

The author, before changing it, stated that he or she wrote this fanfiction just to see people's reactions after a misleading couple declaration. Such actions show no respect for the readers, and I think that is why this author's fanfiction works are not nearly as good as they could be. My advice to the author would be this: Think about why you write. If you do it just to upset your readers, you will never be a good author. You will never improve until you learn how to please your target audience. Removing your author's notes at the end of this story is a good start. Next time you write, be sure you know what you want and what your fans want. Do not let them control you and what you write, and do not be afraid to write what you want. If you support a minor coupling, then that is okay. Don't try and trick your readers into reading a story they won't like. Aim for the crowd you want, and if others don't like it, then that is okay because they were not your target audience (Such as, a comedy fan not liking a horror novel). Do not, however, disrespect the people. Without readers, writers are nothing. Never forget that.

I give this 1 of 5 stars for bad word flow, bad dialog, bad plot, no originality, and poor execution of an idea. As this was so short, there is not much else to say. You simply need to work on your writing abilities as a whole.
FabienLeLez chapter 1 . 7/2/2008
Nice piece of writing.

I love that exercise where you carefully pick your words to speak only the truth while not destroying readers' misconceptions (until the end).
20 | Page 1 2 Next »