|Reviews for Lesser Of Two Evils|
| FluidDegree chapter 19 . 4/5/2009
Great chapter. I love that she is coming back to herself
| monkey1212 chapter 19 . 4/4/2009
Great chapter. Great to see Jack standing up for herself again. Hope they figure things out. Looking forward to reading more.
| Fima chapter 18 . 3/24/2009
just want to let you know: I like this story. Everytime you update it's like receiving a big gift. :)
| monkey1212 chapter 18 . 3/12/2009
You keep revealing little tidbits of Riddick and Jack's shared past. Tantalizing. Looking forward to reading more.
| itybityriddy chapter 1 . 3/7/2009
definatly enjoying this story!
| Saismaat chapter 18 . 3/4/2009
“And there were a few seconds where she nuzzled close to him, burying her face in his side. He glanced down, watched her eyelids flutter open. Absentmindedly stroked the back of her neck.
And then she was really awake. Trying way too hard not to tense up.”
That’s a great opening. A great job of showing just how conflicted she is about this whole thing. How divided she is inside.
“He squeezed her neck softly. “Who else?” It felt like the wrong thing to say. He shrugged it off.”
Great job of introducing Riddick’s conflict too. He knows he’s saying and doing the wrong thing. More and more, he’s having to consciously play the monster. Not that he has a problem with that.
“She scooted back again, inching closer to him. "It's like a tomb in here.””
Ah, our poor Romeo and Juliet! Both awake at the same time. Snerk. It’s cold in the tomb . . . (a dark and private place and none I think do there embrace)
“There’re blankets in the medi-bay,” she said, hinting. And then, “I don’t remember it being this cold when I was a kid.”
He grunted. “You hated the cold.”
A lot packed in there. Once upon a time, Riddick cared about that.
“Stayed up all night, watching her sleep, trying to piece together fragmented thoughts. In the end they all swirled together. Ended up with him fucking a girl he didn’t really know, on some mattress stained with the blood of a girl who probably would've died for him at one point.
“I still hate the cold,” she grumbled, trying and failing to pull away. “I’m pretty sure that’s something that doesn’t change.”
Great job of showing the disorientation there. I really don’t know what’s happening, what’s a dream.
“Jack was close enough for their noses to bump when he turned. “Damn thing's been beeping forever. I would’ve checked it. Couldn’t.”
She propped herself, clumsily. “Didja know the door's locked?””
Heh. Nice harkening back to the movie. I might have closed those up into one paragraph.
“He raised an eyebrow, knowing she couldn’t see him. Knowing she wasn't as drunk as she was pretending to be. That bottle had been one shot shy from empty long before she'd found it.
Let's see where she takes this.”
Nice. I’ve done that. I might have closed that up too.
““Oh,” she said, sounding more than a little disappointed. “I can’t see anything.”
He grunted. “It’s dark.”
“I know,” she said, quickly. "I can see that. I mean, I can't really see it. Because it's dark." She giggled, wiggled her fingers in front of her face.”
Nice bit of humor there. Almost childish.
“She shook her head, embarrassed. He watched the the heat creep arcoss her chest, up her neck.”
The heat . . . across?
“His hand circled inevitably up her thigh.”
Great use of “inevitably.”
““Yes,” she blurted into the silence."I wanted you dead. You left me," her voice cracked, "you left me alone, weak.”
And pregnant. Huh. Kinda an asshole move.
Even though I didn’t know.
Another asshole move, not bothering to check…”
Great bit of self awareness there.
“The word 'attack' rung around in Riddick's skull. It dawned on him, slowly. She means rape. "Attacked you? You came," he said, flatly, trying to remember if she in fact had, “And I didn't hear you complaining."
Wow. He didn’t get that he was raping her? Did I tell you about working on a case that involved a sex offender dictionary? They had dozens of words for making the victim orgasm so she wouldn’t tell. Legally irrelevant, but it’s one of those dark memes . . .
“He gripped her hair hard enough to feel some dislodge from her scalp. "Don't, baby. Let me make it up to you."”
Wow. He was actually sort of doing okay there until then.
“She was panicking, grabbing at the edge of the bed, trying to slide from underneath him. He pried her fingers gently from the bed frame, wrapped his arms around her, cooed some reassuring shit into her ear. She began to cry, ragged heartbroken sobs that cut through the fogginess in his brain.”
Oog. That’s dark. Cooing.
“Riddick felt the raised welt against his cheek. Should’ve killed him. I’m going to have to cut her again to graft that right.”
Great metaphor. she’s damaged. He knows it. He feels entitled change her. But man, he had a chance to keep it from happening; he had a chance when she got there to at least treat the bite before it healed wrong; before she scared . . .
“Riddick kissed a trail up to her mouth. Jack's lips met his, enthusiastically. She bit him hard enough that he tasted his own blood and he had to stifle the insane urge to laugh. And then he was pushing inside of her, groaning at the almost painful resistance, lost in the scent of intoxicated arousal. She grunted, and then moaned and the last thread of conscious thought disintegrated. When she started to scream he was too far gone to really care.”
Wow. That’s a whole lot of stuff all in one little paragraph. I can’t decide how reliable a narrator he is.
| Extant chapter 18 . 3/3/2009
Wow. I really like a couple of your other stories. This one's just disturbing. Seriously, warn people if there's gonna be an outright rape, please. That wasn't a nice surprise.
Usually you write pretty human Riddicks. Why did you make him so psychopathic in this one?
| FluidDegree chapter 18 . 3/2/2009
that was kinda dark. I kjnow he did that for himself but did he do it also because he wants to show her that it can be pleasurable unlike with her husband or was it purly selfish reasons? Does he want her for his own or just cause she is there?
| Riddick's Sita chapter 18 . 3/2/2009
Riddick is absolutely inanely scary in your story and I think you wrote him really well. What I want to know is if their relationship will ever become less "strained"...can't wait for the next chapter
| Saismaat chapter 17 . 2/19/2009
Good fun! This is a great intro:
“I am like the moon. Waxing and waning. La afham. I do not understand.
She stared blankly down at the words she wrote, all too aware of the derisive snickering in her head. The fact that even her hand writing had started to change…”
I had a friend out of high school go through some wacky Christian drug treatment program. They let us write back and forth for a couple of months and her handwriting change. When she finally got let out, it was like she was in a fugue state. The treatment did not last.
La Afham. I looked it up and all I saw was that it meant “I do not understand” . . .
The moon does govern transformations. . . and madness and hidden influences.
“Who the hell am I kidding?” Well, herself, who else is there? Should that be italicized? This thing’s been messing me up . . .
“She didn’t like the plan. Not that it mattered, but it would’ve been easier to explain if her eyes hadn’t gotten that trapped panicky look that kept fucking with his train of thought.
At the end he decided to start training early. Gave her a seconds notice before pouncing.
She managed to make it to the door.”
Nicely minimalist – good pace change with the viewpoint change. I like that the look in her eyes messes with his thinking.
“But Nibiru was like home in some fucked up kind of way that he really didn’t want to think about. Wouldn’t have been a problem except that things had been popping - usually unwelcomed - into his mind as of late.”
I like both sentences, but I’m not sure how they go together. . .
“pilots chair” – pilot’s chair?
“No. She smells scared.
Took a second to process that. “Jack, what’s wrong,” he demanded, less inviting.
Her face crumpled. “Are you really going to sell me, Riddick?”’
That’s great. A whole lot of information passed very quickly. And man, I feel bad for both of them . . .
“She was in the shower, face pressed against the wall, breathing slowly. He was on her before she could turn, sliding a heavy hand up in between her shoulder blades and down her arm. Wrapped his free arm tightly around her waist.”
Wow. I can almost feel that.
““I thought you said you liked me,” she said quickly, flinching as his mouth touched her neck. He smiled against her skin, nipped hard enough to leave a mark.
“I do,” he replied, voice thrumming above the rush of water. “I like you a lot, Jack. Enough to stop when you asked me too.” He insinuated a hand in between her legs, stroked softly. Drank in the strangled sound she made. “Are you going to ask me to stop this time?”
He thought about it for a second, “Probably not.””
And that. Though I did have to read “I like you a lot, Jack. Enough to stop when you asked me too.” . . . “Are you going to ask me to stop this time?”
Twice – A tense thing, I think. Maybe something like “I like you a lot, Jack. Enough to stop when you asked me too last time” or something . . .
“Her scent was doing funny things to his head. Made talking difficult. He didn’t want to talk anymore.”
That whole last section is wonderful. I really like how his barriers are coming down. Remembering what it felt like to have her dying under his hands; how helpless Abu was. Having her melt into all these people who died in his hands. Having that melt into a person he’s having sex with. His hand, broken, saving her.
Very . . . the word tasteful is jumping to mind though I don’t think that’s what I was going for. Demure? Not showing us the actual sex, just this crazed dream of it.
I particularly liked:
She was going to die. Jesus fucking Christ, she was going die right there on the table. Underneath his hands, before he could stop the bleeding. How long had it taken him to get back to the ship? He couldn’t remember. Couldn’t think. Couldn’t breathe. The holy man and his fucking chanting in the corner.
. . .
Her face shimmered, melted into a sandy haired pilot’s, into a hundred meaningless faces. All because of him.
. . .
And then he was behind her, thrusting into her, still on the blood-stained gurney.
She glanced over her shoulder, eyes shining with hysterical joy. “Watch me, Riddick. Watch me.”
. . .
He came hard enough to see stars.
Riddick’s eyes snapped open in the darkness. He took a moment to register the warm, sleeping body curled against him.
She rolled over in her sleep, grunted, buried her head into his armpit. He snaked his arm around her, feeling stupid.
. . .
The medi-bay had skin grafters, even back then; but he'd done the stitching himself. Hadn't even noticed his finger was fractured until it started to swell.
. . .
He hadn’t noticed she’d woken up. Pissed him off a little. He curbed it, pulled her closer to him.
“Nothing. Go back to sleep.”
Nicely done! Worth waiting for.
| Riddick's Sita chapter 17 . 2/19/2009
This is one of my faves...I get so excited when you update it, and you never let me down. I like dark Riddick - it's what he really is according to me.
"At the end he decided to start training early. Gave her a seconds notice before pouncing. She managed to make it to the door."
Loved these lines!
| x-Melodyz-x chapter 17 . 2/19/2009
Wow, I have to say you are real dedicated to updating because that was fast! Loving the relationship between Jack and Riddick and I can't wait for the next update. Keep up the great work.
| x-Melodyz-x chapter 16 . 2/17/2009
Despite how corny this may sound, I have to give you your props. When I see an authour who can right as talented as you do, I just have to state the obvious. I love how your story is complex yet, you can still understand what's going on without getting lost. This story is what you call genuine. Keep it up, can't wait for the next chapter.
| remuslives chapter 16 . 1/21/2009
Great chapter. Glad to see a bit of Jack coming out. And I agree with Riddick, I like Jack. Also nice to see him remembering how to not be an asshole. Hope to have more to read soon!
| remuslives chapter 15 . 1/21/2009
Ugg, I wanted to punch him for a minute there. How do you make me hate him one minute and then like him the next, when he's taking care of her again. And her automatically pulling his goggles down for him, perfection.