Reviews for Lesser Of Two Evils
remuslives chapter 14 . 1/21/2009
Oh sad. I'm a little confused about what set Riddick off so violently.
remuslives chapter 13 . 1/21/2009
Twisted. Poor Jack.
monkey1212 chapter 16 . 1/21/2009
I really enjoyed this chapter. It made me smile. Their figuring out how to be together again. Just them on a ship in space. Look forward to reading more.
MaelstromK chapter 16 . 1/19/2009
Simply smashing - you manage to convey so much through your characters' actions and words rather than through the narrative. For example, "He fell asleep listening to her quiet noises" - tells me that whether he likes it or not Jack is a comforting presence and that he trusts her enough to let his guard down. Also like how Jack is starting to come into her own - For example, Jack learning to navigate through her subtle manipulation of Riddick's desire for her and his ensuing discomfort. The escalating tension between Jack and Riddick is also riveting - should be one explosive showdown!

Beautifully done. Now, would it be selfish of me to ask for more of Lesser of Two Evils AND Can't Tell Me Nothing? If so, so be it! Can't wait for more of both.
Saismaat chapter 16 . 1/18/2009
Good fun!

“He was setting courses when she came in. Of course, he’d heard her leave the medi-bay. Had heard every goddamned move she’d made since she woke up despite trying to concentrate on something, anything, other than her.”

That’s great – setting courses. All these possible ways to go. And I like how present and disconnected from it her the work is.

“When she settled into the co-pilots chair he sent her a sidelong glance, watched her prop her feet up onto the control panel.”

co-pilot’s chair, I think. I like him sending the glance. Like it left without him. And the fact you’ve brought back that the seat seems like home.

“Those weren’t the exact words.

Why the hell do I even remember that?”

Man. That’s great. He’s attached to the memory, as much as it doesn’t make sense to him.

“He shut off the screen and turned his chair towards her. Kicked his feet up on the railing behind her. Blocking the only exit. She noticed, shifted uncomfortably.”

That’s great too. Using his body to block her in, catching this rare moment of intimacy, maybe undermining this rare moment of intimacy.

I don’t recognize the song . . .

““I chose not to run,” she replied, tersely. Her chin tilted in something akin to defiance.

He smiled at that. “Yeah? How’s that working out for you?””

That’s nice. Very compact. Something like defiance in her passivity. And the devastating insight of the comment back. She laid back and took it and people died.

“He turned away from her, back to the console. Began fiddling with switches, aimlessly. “Besides that, how’ve you…been?””

I kinda wanted him to put his legs down before he turned.

““I liked Jack,” he said, quietly.

She snorted, “Yeah, duly noted. She- I liked you too. A little too much. That was the problem. I would've done anything for you.”

Almost without thinking he jerked the controls violently, jostling her in her seat. Something in the galley below thudded to the ground.”

Nice. I like that she got such a reaction from him. Almost without thinking . . . they’ve got this feedback response thing going on . . .

I like that she’s good at finding her way places, and I was warmed that Riddick told her.

Nibiru. I had to look it up. The Place of the Crossing? The Transition? Jupiter? Marduk? Hint that it’s a place they’ll go through some changes? It worries me that it’s dead . . . or maybe it doesn’t need to bring anything to this.

“He nodded. It was where they were going. And he knew it was essentially dead. He'd played a big part in making it that way.”

Man. He’s taking her to a place he devastated?

Nicely done!
FluidDegree chapter 16 . 1/18/2009
good chap, can't wait for more
jjbroadway chapter 16 . 1/18/2009
Great new chapter! keep updating, your story is

awesome ) I'm really excited to see what's going

to happen next with Audrey and Riddick!
thisunrest chapter 15 . 1/14/2009
More,please?

Keep the tension between our two protagonists.

Or better yet, keep Riddick her antagonist,this makes the eros much more interesting than the usual they-finally-become-physical stories.

Thank you for keeping Riddick the "bad" fact that he hit Jack is probably way in line with how Riddick would handle anyone coming at him,so he can't just change automatically ,and anyway it has been years since he'd seen her.

Making Jack a junkie is an interesting this up,kay?

Surprisingly original,I don't think anyone has done Riddick and Jack like this rule.
monkey1212 chapter 15 . 1/11/2009
Great chapter. I like where this is going. I like that you're keeping so much of Riddick and Jack's separation a mystery still. Just giving out hints. It makes it that more tantalizing. Looking forward to reading more.
Riddick's Sita chapter 15 . 1/8/2009
MORE PLEASE! I'm SO looking forward to your second update of 2009
Saismaat chapter 15 . 1/2/2009
Good work!

“He’d been sifting through the Helion news out of boredom more than anything else. Found a heading that caught his eye. It had been amusing enough to deserve a read.

That feeling had faded quickly.

Some old woman, dragged up from some shit-hole alley, talking about Jack. About finding a bloody little girl outside of her hut. And a baby.

His mind shut down at that. He went after her on auto-pilot.”

That’s just great. Despite himself, she really has gotten under his skin. And he went after her because of it. Lost control. I like how in the third paragraph the sentences get shorter. Progressively less nuanced until he looses it.

“Part of him acknowledged that there was something prickly there. Something that he might’ve acted on when he was playing nice for the holy man. Not so much now.”

Man. He recognizes that he has the capacity for kindness and empathy, even if he thinks of it as an act. Nicely drawn.

“He liked watching her. Didn’t want to dig further into that.”

Snort. Nicely drawn. He’s really teetering at the edge of some unwelcome revelations.

“Thought I left because you were knocked up. Stupid kid. That could’ve been fixed.

He told her so. She looked at him, stricken. He explained the process, quickly, clinically.”

Good work, getting the information without weighing down the prose with extraneous detail.

“She gave birth alone. In a dirty alley. Alone. Feet from help.

Don’t know the alley was dirty.

It doesn’t fucking matter. Jesus.

“Where the fuck was Imam?” It surprised him, the force behind that question. The outrage that accompanied it. Surprised her too apparently.”

Nicely done. He puts his thumb on just how inadequate Abu was, again. Can’t protect his family. Can’t protect his world.

““He the one who married you off, too?”

Should’ve grabbed his woman.

She made a strangled noise, “No. God, no. Why would you think that?””

Heh. Weirdly aggressive/protective move there. Grab Lajjun. And of course he’d think that. What, he’s supposed to believe it’s a love match? He saw the marks on her body.

“Thought I came to your rescue. Cause I missed you. Wanted to see you.

Almost laughed. Didn’t. Wasn’t really sure she was wrong.”

That hurts. He’s circling closer and closer to really uncomfortable truths there.

“He captured her free wrist, secured them both in one of his hands. Continued his pursuit with the other. Appreciated the feel of full hips under his fingertips. Slid his hand underneath the shirt she was wearing and appreciated the skin there too.”

Nice double use of the word “appreciated.”

“In the semi dark she could see his eyes glint thoughtfully.”

I wanted that to be semi-dark.

Good job dehumanizing him with the “thoughtfully.”

“His breath scorched its way down her back. Tickled the fine hairs there. Made her arch against him. “Hmm. What happened to that girl, huh? I liked her.” His finger brushed against her clitoris. She jolted, felt him smile against her throat. “She liked me too.””

“I liked her.” Wow. A bit of honesty, a bit of cruelty.

Not sure about her pulling the Pamela move – fainting as a response to an attempted rape. But I do like the dream it segues into -

“Her twin shot her a look of familiar scorn. “Me always, little girl.” Then she smiled cheerily, pointed up to the altar, “Only one way to get there. And trust me, they need us.”

Audrey’s voice was rocks and broken glass, “How. I don’t understand. Why me?””

I got a little lost with “Audrey’s voice was rocks and broken glass.” She seems too soft for that . . .

“There was something, someone, behind there.”

I wanted the last word to be “them.”

“He laughed. Or growled. She was sleepy and didn’t really care which. His warmth felt so good. So good.

The medi-bay was all white and bright and headachy. Cutting into the dark hallway like a scalpel.

That’s gonna hurt.

Groggily, she reached up, found his goggles, and pulled them down over his eyes as he carried her into the blinding light.”

Very nice! When she’s disoriented, she remembers she loves him. I like that little bit of grace at the end. From each of them.

Well done!
FluidDegree chapter 15 . 1/2/2009
I like the story, but this chap was confusing.
JD Lady chapter 15 . 1/2/2009
wow! Quick update!

She's so confused about where she stands - if she stands at all or crawls on the floor. of course he hasn't got a clue how to deal with her, makes sense.

I love this:'My little monster in training.' Part Riddick recognising she is his, whether she knows it or not, and part his legacy. I love the affection in it that he might not be aware of.

Also love when she pulls down his goggles at the end, it shows that whatever she has been through she still has the hero worship and cares about his needs which will eventually bring him back to the human race (I'm thinking?)? Hmm!

Thanks for the msg ;)
JD Lady chapter 14 . 12/31/2008
I love your writing! I've just got up to date with this, and the language you use is so vivid and rich (sorry if I sound like a teacher, I'm not but can get technical at times!). I was visualising it in my head, and if this were to be filmed, they would lost half the story that is in your descriptions.

I did get a little confused over the timeline in the early chapters but stuck with it and really glad I did. Nice to see Lajjun as on Jack/Audrey's side for a change, as most stories have her as a bit of a witch.

Please update soon, this is such a interesting and full story even though it is hard going at times.
Saismaat chapter 14 . 12/31/2008
Good stuff, as always! Sorry to take so long to give it a review – darn volcanoes.

I liked this:

“She lived her life within the soft glow of the bedside light. Reading, praying, thinking.

Everything beyond that was cause and effect.”

I like how she’s defined her “life” by a little puddle of light. A puddle of light she only has because Riddick lets her have it; a fact I’m not entirely sure she understands.

Nice slightly crazy, that she’s not defining what’s outside the light as not her life, that it’s cause and effect. Like the laws of causality don’t work in the light. Works with the crazy.

“But there were times when she landed a successful blow and was twelve again; enjoying the closeness of his body, laughing when he missed and cursing when he didn’t.”

I like how that undercuts her sterile dichotomy. Bringing back Jack. Laughing, engaged. Sorta reminded me of the Jack Abu and her husband saw, dancing with Ziza.

“She dodged, weaved, eluded until she miscalculated and he hit her hard enough to make stars explode in her head. She went sprawling. Stayed on the floor watching the blood drip from her nose and puddle on the mat.”

Interesting that she perceives it as a miscalculation, rather than an instant of anger on his part. Hand to hand combat, he can do anything he wanted to her after all.

“She felt betrayed.

Don’t be stupid. He’s not on my side. I don’t even have a side.

His hand settling on the access pad on the wall beside her startled her out of her thoughts. His eyes caught hers and for a second her feelings of betrayal were written all over his face. He almost looked sorry.

What the hell?

And then he was Riddick again, something incomprehensible, unreachable.”

That’s really nice. She doesn’t get that of course she has a side; she’s adopted this weird posture of passivity, but that’s just self denial; it’s not self annihilation. She doesn’t get that of course Riddick feels betrayed; she’s the one person he made a connection to and now she’s withdrawn from him despite, from his unhinged perspective, heroic efforts to connect to her, to keep her safe. Geesh, she stares at the wall when he gets close? That’s a serious bit of cruelty there, if unintentional.

“That stopped the laughter. She settled into his chair. Felt the leather, worn from use, warm from his skin. Felt distinctly out of place, got up and moved to the co-pilot’s chair.

It felt like home.”

That’s nice. Jack stirring just a bit more.

“Cargoes, boots, and knives. Things she’d collected, cherished, loved. All into the incinerator. She watched them burn, and started anew.

No Jack. No running. No Riddick.

Control was all she needed. Pain would be her reminder.”

Poor kid. It makes sense she’d turn inward; do those things teenagers do to assert a little bit of control. But so destructive. Riddick really did mess up; abandoning her emotionally after the gang rape, though I do get that he was so unhinged that he might have ripped her apart.

So what’s the story they’re spinning? That he got her pregnant and abandoned her? The old face on the tele-reader the lady who did the delivery? I find it odd Riddick just can’t talk to her about it, but you’ve done a good job of making him consistently incapable of it.

Nicely done!
142 | « Prev Page 1 .. 2 3 4 5 6 7 .. Last Next »