|Reviews for Lost|
| chibi heishi chapter 3 . 2/7/2012
Yep, not only an adult but - God help him - a PARENT. So he was either still half drugged from stasis, or Organoids grow up faster than humans. And little Raven's so cute...
Though with that said, I think there's a plot hole here. This line "in my parents' old books" and then "he remembered enough of his parents' teachings" doesn't make sense. The kid had amnesia after that head wound in canon. So here, either he's only forgotten his actual name and the night his parents died, or he's only forgotten the night his parents died but is for some reason going by the name given to him by the man who led the group that killed the guy who found and was going to take care of him. Even if he's been slowly remembering bits of his past over the last two years, you'd think he'd rather the name his parents gave him that he had for 6-or-8 years than the name a killer gave him that he used for 2.
But please don't take that the wrong way - I really like this story so far, and I'm not trying to be harsh! I just know that I'd want someone to point out inconsistencies to me if it were my work, so I try and do so for authors I think have the desire or potential to improve from it.
| chibi heishi chapter 2 . 2/7/2012
This was cute - and Shadow seemed much more 'grown up' in this chapter. Maybe he was sort of dopey from being in stasis or whatever before?
And your note said it's been 2 years so Raven's 10, but in chapter 1 you said he was 6. Or is Shadow just bad at guessing human ages? Not like Raven could tell him - poor kid can't even remember his own name.
| chibi heishi chapter 1 . 2/7/2012
*falls over* Oh God, this is great! There were times I literally had to stop reading so I could put my head in my hands and laugh. For some reason Shadow always struck me as an adult, while Zeke always seemed like a 'kid' - maybe because Shadow was so serious and dangerous - but big black is giving off some definite 'teenager' vibes here. And it's hilarious!
| woots chapter 1 . 9/27/2009
that was the cutist thing ive ever read
| ITman496 chapter 3 . 4/13/2009
hope you keep this going, even though I'll likely be coming up with the ideas XD
| Secret Weapon Unit 06 chapter 3 . 4/9/2009
| Atherin Ashura chapter 2 . 2/25/2009
alright this is for chapter 3 even though it says chapter 2. stupid "no repeat review" gr... anyways i was going back through and rereading this and the A/N at the top and i'll give you my opinion about Ibeyla being in it. now i have no idea what you have in mind for the later chapters and from all the other fics i've read that do contain her i say incorpurate her into the story somehow but don't make her a part of the imperialist army and just continue from there with your original plot line. again, like i said, no idea what you have planed but just adding my 2 cents so please hear me out...(don't want to sound demanding but here are my thoughts) personally, if you do add her if not then it's could still be done with just raven, i see raven, shadow and ghost finally being found by the imperials and making a mad dash to get away from them, of course after some dialog. after wandering around somewhere (don't know where surprise me -) they run into ibeyla(if she's not in story then perhaps someone else? like someone from your plot line?) from there i would continue on with what you had in mind if it wasn't to far off from what you plan to do(maybe with some tweaking but all plot lines have some tweaking somewhere -) well, that my 2 cents, my rather long 2 cents, but there nonetheless. hope to see updates soon!
| Atherin Ashura chapter 3 . 1/20/2009
i like this fic. it's been a long time since i've seen zoids(with raven and van) and because of that my memory's a bit fuzzy about some details but i love zoids anyways! can't wait to see the next chapter!
| iwalkinthelight chapter 3 . 1/16/2009
OH CRAP ITS THE BIG COUGAR ORGANOID! The one from the dark savior that wanted revenge! The one raven's parents experimented on! Lied, right? L-something? Leiden! That's it! I get Leiden and Lied confused, their names i mean. I love raven as a cute little kid. I think him making friends with other zoids is a good idea. Being isolated they wouldn't really have a need to fear humans, especially a child. They'll protect him! So anyways, about those fic ideas! The MOSA Experiment and Whispers in the Dark are my favorites, but i really like Born of Blood and Predatory Instincts too. The others are great ideas too, ones i'd love to read if you got them up, just those are my top four. Happy new year and happy writing!
| Metoria chapter 3 . 1/9/2009
"/Raven…/ Shadow said softly, nosing his shoulder gently, /… don’t worry, I won’t let anything hurt you, I promise…/"
That was such a sweet line! AWe! .
nice chapter again. :)
| SugarLandBabyGirl chapter 3 . 1/7/2009
I like the bonding with a cougar, two wolves and the Wolf Zoid! It makes things more interesting, it was a great chapter, mostly lighthearted. :)
| darkshadowarchfiend chapter 3 . 1/5/2009
I love this version of Raven's story. I can't wait for the next chapter.
| 9TailedFox chapter 2 . 11/5/2008
So I actually found time to read, and I'm verry glad I did. I did notice the choppyness, but other than that slight and nearly undetectable flaw, its perfect! lol. Your word choices when you describe things is awsome. I also like the color scyme of Ghost, although it might be good to do a flashback where we find out where he came from. I also had the idea that maybe Raven could find Ibeyla in the ruins. I think that might totaly throw you off your storyline, but I couldn't help but mention it because she's my favorite characor that you write. Anyway, its way past my bed time so I'll see ya around.
| iwalkinthelight chapter 1 . 11/2/2008
btw i vote for To Save A Raven, A Dark Savior, and Lost! Darn not being able to vote on the poll cause i'm not a member...btw! I have an OC organoid who's pretty much an un-owned mass murder of the enemy of the army that owns him in zoidian times. After the war he's labeled as too dangerous and, like the war dogs in veitnam as far as i know, abandoned. He still kills. But i want him to get tamed by an orphan zoidian girl. Problem is...i'm stuck on how they meet!The girl's about 8. I NEED IDEAS. Arg...darn plot holes i've never been able to fix...i was also debating them getting caught by one of the two armies or the GF later on...i dunno tho...darn i wish i had an email address so i could write on here! My mom'd never let me use hers and there's no way my dad'd put email on my laptop...btw i'm grounded so i'm lucky to have gotten on...so if you udpate and i don't review you know why...man this is a long review!
| iwalkinthelight chapter 2 . 11/2/2008
yay updates! So i take it you got you computer fixed? The Dark Savior and Broken sound awesome! What i got to read of ch. 7 of To Save a Raven was REALLY good. The script like stopped around when Fiona was talking to Specula. I love how you made Raven stay out with Shadow. Shadow's coach-ness is funny! I love it!