|Reviews for Ammie Hawk|
| twibe chapter 26 . 10/3/2013
The new ring bearer wasn't anyone known I guess since we didn't get to hear the name? :) love the story!
| Copperflower chapter 2 . 1/23/2011
I love this story so much. I've read it multiple times, but each time I love it just as much. Okay, well at this point it's probably been a year or so since the last time I read it, but still. I could swear it's one of my absolute favourite LOTR fanfics. Thank you so much for causing this to exist.
| Cyd the Squid chapter 27 . 7/9/2009
I thought this story was really pretty good - you've sold yourself short. I'm sure that you got some criticism because it resembled a tenth walker story or a MS, but you clearly warned of that in your summary so no one should have criticized it. But anyway, I really liked it. You had plenty of detail but not an annoying amount. I'm adding it to my favorites.
| Lord of the 13 hells chapter 26 . 1/24/2009
it was well written but it was a bit slow in the end all in all it was a fantastic story congrats and keep posting!
| KestelKane chapter 1 . 10/4/2008
I first read this about two or three years ago, the original at least. It was amazing and about a year ago I tried to find but couldn't and ever since I've been looking. I've finally found it and I will most likely enjoy it as much or more than last time. Thank you for it, it's amazing.
| Valinor's Twilight chapter 4 . 8/21/2008
Great Story, keep up the good work.
| Selene Night chapter 2 . 8/7/2008
What an incredible inventive title, naming your story after the main character. Which have an awful name btw, which do not fit an elf at all. And you know, if you wrote the story for yourself, why did you post it? There are so many mistakes in this one, you really shouldn't write if you don't know what you write about. Your characters act nothing like elves, and it all sounds...off. There is no reason posting anything that you aren't completely satisfied with, just to post it. At least not if it's five years old! Write something new where you take the time to read up on what you are writing, to make it decent.
| earthbound68 chapter 2 . 8/7/2008
Well I like it so please ignore nasty reviews and carry on with this story!
| Goddess1408 chapter 3 . 7/11/2008
i really like this story, keep updating!
| iccle fairy chapter 3 . 7/10/2008
interesting story so far. will be interesting when the quest begins!
| AmberLovesLOST chapter 3 . 7/10/2008
I like this story actually. I hope you update soon, because I will keep reading!
| OnyxDrake chapter 3 . 7/10/2008
I'm going to mention things that bother me about the plot for future reference, as I know you're not going to be editing.
I'm also going to hammer you with the grammar/typos that jump out of me, also for future reference, should you upload more fics and since you have asked for concrit that will improve your writing.
The affect would be darling.
You should be using the word "effect" here. I suggest getting hold of a dictionary and taking to heart the difference between affect/effect. It's not always 100% clear but with practice you should start getting a feel for the difference.
I honestly think you could have skipped out on the involved preparations at the beginning of this chapter and dived straight into the story with perhaps a paragraph or two devoted to their descriptions at most.
Also watch out where Arwen and Ammie behave like two contemporary teenage girls. I think it's more the way that they are speaking that is not entirely in keeping with the dialogue style prevalent and consistent throughout the books and the films.
It is her birthday but it's not clear how old she is turning or why so many distinguished guests would be invited to her birthday if she is but a relatively unknown fosterling, judging by the dialogue and Legolas's observations.
I'm not going to comment further on the names of the weapons or their so-called powers.
Just a comment on the fact that you refer to Arwen and Ammie as girls early in this chapter but later it turns out that they're already more than 500. By that stage I have serious doubts about them behaving like children as they do while they get dressed.
| Saber Apricot chapter 2 . 7/9/2008
I think that your author note is more harmful to your story than helpful. If the story is purely for your own enjoyment, you wouldn't have posted it on a site like this that allowed people to review it. You probably want people to read and enjoy your story, since you like your story. And since you treasure your story, you probably don't want to see anything but positive reviews. But, your story is far from perfect and readers have the right to review your fic if they've read it.
It may hurt to read any criticism, but you shouldn't sweat it too much. If you like your story and want to write a good story, that should be enough. You're writing style will grow and change over time if you continue to practice. And while reviewers have the right to express their honest opinions and give suggestions, you have the right to agree or disagree with their reviews.
Elves have grey eyes.
...Maybe you should label this story as AU (Alternate Universe). If you did label it AU, I think it would reduce the amount of criticism. The AU disclaimer would give you some room to warp the story universe a bit. Not too much though, or there isn't really much point in calling it fanfiction anymore.
'elves didn’t just drop dead for no reason' sounds more like a callous, blunt line a (less-refined) non-elf character would say. It doesn't suite Gandalf or the narration at all. Rewording some of the narration might be wise. Reading the chapter out loud should help you find parts that seem kind of weird or could just be improved.
Any mention of Ammie being special or remarkably attractive by elf standards is a turn off. Elves are fair, slender, have clear and even complexions, glow, etc.
I think the dialog is very out of character in some places. No adult would use 'umm'. Look up dialog from The Lord of the Rings.
This chapter was longer, which is good. Hopefully you'll keep up with your story.
| Saber Apricot chapter 1 . 7/9/2008
Ammie Hawk is not a Elf or Middle-Earth name. Maybe 'Ammie' or something close to it could be a Hobbit name, but you're not writing about a Hobbit.
There's already been a Finwe. Elves don't recycle names. If you need help with Elf names, try searching online for naming tips and even seeing what a Tolkien Elf name generator can spit out for you.
Childbirth for Elves isn't supposed to be difficult as it can be for humans. Elves seem to have better control of their bodies.
Reading over Tolkien's LACE (Laws and Customs Among the Eldar) and What Tolkien Officially Said About Elf Sex by Tyellas should help you with your story. Also, the Encyclopedia of Arda is a site you should use as well.
I don't dislike the idea of extra rings or trinkets of some sort of power added into the story, it's not like it goes against Middle-earth magic rules. But, exactly what it is (its origins/source) and why/how a character comes to possess it does matter. Gandalf giving an elf child a ring kind of rubs me the wrong way. Maybe it can work out fine, but something a bit more accidental, chance-like, or strange fate via higher powers (that seems kind of like an accident or strange chance at first) would better fit. ...That's just a suggestion though.
There weren't any noticeable spelling errors and nothing was terribly incoherent, so good job with that. I think some more detail would improve this chapter, but it's not a horrible start.
| DonStyles chapter 2 . 7/9/2008
See? Ignorance isn't such a good thing in an author is it? And your petty display of it in your Author's note isn't exactly good.
And what was it that I said that Mary Sue's are a big turn off for most people in this fandom? Hah, oh well.
And by reading what other people have stated, you clearly haven't done your Tolkien homework about the elves. Gloss over the plot holes and you will win respect, even if you don't care what I say. (Ignorance again).
And by the way, you said in a PM you'd resport me for being "disrespectful." Now if those comments were gold from lots of wee "author's" out there complaining, I'd be filthy rich. But I think disrespecting Tolkien's work is insult enough, as I said in my first review.
My opinion matters.