|Reviews for City girl to Farm girl|
| theharvestquill chapter 1 . 7/20/2008
The vocabulary in this story was good, however I don't believe that your use of paragraphs was consistent. It was as if you just put in random ones but did not know how to use them.
The story was rushed and you could have taken more time on each part, instead of rushing what could have been a whole paragraph into 1 or 2 sentences. This makes the reader want to skip ahead - not good.
One more thing, the story had probably the most typical plot line of all in the HM fanfictons:
Girl come to town. Girl meets villagers, Girl meets cute boy whom she falls in love with at first sight. Boy proposes to girl. Girl accepts. Boy and Girl get married and live happily ever after. Try branching out a little.
It was strange to me that you listed all of the townspeople's names, as if you thought that your story was too short and wanted to lengthen it.
Overall, I think that this story has potential, it just needs to be presented in another fashion.