|Reviews for Demon Within|
| PunctuationFairy chapter 1 . 7/4
Well, here we are again, time to wave the wand and see what appears!
How many times did we misspell extinction? (At least twice, and it was different both times) I honestly couldn't read this because of your apparent hatred for the Oxford Comma, though you did do a little better with spacing this time. Use commas, they are not coming to get you, the world promises.
Who the hell is Ashley? Besides you it seems. She appears with little to no explanation, and you expect us to feel a sense of attachment to this character? We have no clue who she is, or why she strikes you as a bastard child of Inuyasha after a drunken bender. Why is she important? Why is she so 'loved' by the characters that should not consider her important? And why is she trying to introduce magic into a world that never had it? Why not introduce the character more, offer a background outside of 'Tragic Mary Sue, Everyone wants me in one way or another?'
Your writing makes me weep for the writers of the internet.
| Doom Marine 54 chapter 2 . 8/6/2011
Your grammer and sentence structure need work, you don't transition scenes just pass in and out of them, the story is going too fast and is under developed, you character is a bit overpowered plus having a western name seems odd and out of place, your don't develop your characters, and she seems a tad bit overpowered. Hope this review helped.