Reviews for Broken
hA-UkA chapter 20 . 8/22/2008
I really enjoy reading this. It is really surprising to find such a well written OC.
angeredblackman chapter 20 . 8/20/2008
im kinda sad that u ended this but i guess this is a good place to stop if u decide to make a seaqual i would look forward t reading it
CaptMacKenzie chapter 18 . 8/14/2008
Alright, finally a chapter that I actually care about! I have to admit, your OC w/the "powers of darkness" is one of the creepiest characters I've ever run across. No offense; I just don't like her. And Pietro's involvement was totally out of the blue & felt somewhat OOC to me. It's not like I could ever see a Pietro/X23 romance going on...or even a friendship. He's too flighty, fidgety, self-involved and immature to connect w/someone so traumatized. Not to mention shallow. This is true in Evolution-verse AND in the comics. So what's up w/his scent soothing her?

So anyway. I hope you return to your previous inspired storytelling from earlier chapters. I suggest you focus less on having all kinds of neat, distracting things happening in your plot, and more on meaningful character development. It would be good to see interaction b/w Laura & Logan, Garret, Xavier, and some of her young peers this school. And I'm talking about the kind of interaction where actual relating is going on- not just fighting.
Adi Sagestar chapter 16 . 8/11/2008
Oh, great. Pietro. Does anything good ever happen to her? I like the Rogue/Remy though. Keep up the good work!

Regards,

Adi

.".
CaptMacKenzie chapter 14 . 8/10/2008
well, frankly I'm not the least bit interested in the young Xmen and their feelings and romantic liasons... not in this story, anyway. So I hope you get back (very soon!) to Garret, X23 & Logan & the senior Xmen's reactions to their dramatic tale.

One complaint in particular, I just have to put out there. (And sorry I'm not being very necouraging in this round of reviews, but I just don't appreciate the last 2 chapters like I did the previous ones) - but anyway, you don't seem to get the difference between YOUR and YOU'RE. You keep typing "your" in places where you actually mean "you are". Not cool!
CaptMacKenzie chapter 12 . 8/10/2008
This one needs proofreading, for sure. It's a little raw.

The action was written well; the problem for me is, action is the only thing that's there. When Feral!Logan meets X23, it would be really interesting to see their contrasting thought patterns as the battle flows. Especially since Logan is going in & out of feral mode- his mind must be going a mile a minute, jumping to all kinds of conclusions about who this girl is, where she comes from (sone of them very close to the truth, no doubt- Logan is NOT stupid, after all). So you missed all that potential here in this chapter.
Adi Sagestar chapter 13 . 8/8/2008
Alright, I feel a little stupid now... when I gave my last review, I hadn't met her yet in the show, and so I thought she was an OC. I'm fairly certain that I have now caught everything there is on her in the show, though, and you did quite a bit of character development. Very nice.

Lovely chapter, of course - I like getting glimpses into people's minds. It's one of the reasons I go on Fanfiction. Update soon, or you shall suffer the wrath of the Weru.

Regards,

Adi

.".
free-vibe chapter 13 . 8/8/2008
Ah, so she meets the X-men. Very interesting.
Adi Sagestar chapter 12 . 8/6/2008
It always happens - right when you think it will be alright, something pops up to mess it all up. I can't wait for the next installment - will she run? Will they catch her? And she isn't a Mary Sue! A well-developed, realistic female OC who is a blood relation to a character and is not a Sue is a rare thing indeed. Congratulations.

Regards,

Adi

.".
angeredblackman chapter 12 . 8/6/2008
after all the fighting will there be'bonding Time"between logan and laura not really father daughter time but time
Nonya chapter 11 . 8/6/2008
This is a very well done work. However, it seems unfinished, I beg of you, for this poor reader, PLEASE continue the story. In addition I must say that this has to be one of the best X-23 portrayals I have ever read. Continue along this line it is working well for you.
Proud to be an X-Nerd chapter 11 . 8/5/2008
You're good at these evil little cliff-hangers you know. Almost too good. :D

I liked this one a lot, and this new development with her is interesting. I can't wait to see the two of them meet, and Garret's explaination to the Prof and Jean should be fun. ;)
angeredblackman chapter 11 . 8/5/2008
longer plz this is a very good story bye the way
Proud to be an X-Nerd chapter 10 . 8/4/2008
Wow... That was a VERY cruel way to end a chapter!

I hope you can get 11 out soon. I hate cliffhangers. :D

But that chapter was very well done. I liked the small looks into her background, it's great for further building of her character.

And I loved her meeting with Ororo. Though I can't see her introducing herself by her code-name.

Until next one.
CaptMacKenzie chapter 10 . 8/4/2008
Oops. She doesn't like telepaths at all, does she? I really want to see her reaction to Xavier next chapter. And I can't wait to find out how you've planned out the meeting b/w her & Logan.
30 | Page 1 2 Next »