|Reviews for James The Lesser Presents Lazy Town!|
| KittyUK chapter 2 . 7/17/2008
Okay mate, I'll bite just one more time...
I think there are the bones of a potentially interesting story in here, struggling to get out. I understand what you're trying to do, i.e. write a story in the spirit of the original series. But so far I really don't think this delivers. Lazytown, the TV series, is high-octane, fast-paced, colourful, characterful and extremely engaging. So far this is...kind of...well, not any of those things.
To be very honest, this reads as if you are just watching an episode and writing down what happens, which does not make for an entertaining read.
You said in your review reply that you think action is hard to write in an interesting manner. Well, you're damn right it is, but that's the point of being a writer, no? To do things that are hard, and do them well? To bring the world to life through words on the page?
If you want some inspiration, I'd really recommend you check out "The Trinity" by MASC and "Robbie's Wish" by The Anonymous Mouse.
Sorry this isn't all that positive, but you said you enjoyed receiving constructive criticism. Hopefully this comes into that category.
| Axel-of-the-Fantasy chapter 1 . 7/15/2008
Well...I've never seen Lazytown, but I want you to update your Code Naia, so I read it.
Interesting, Ricky seems like a decent character compared to everyone else who seems to be one-dimensional. Anyways, well written, like your other stories.
| trixter 93 chapter 1 . 7/15/2008
ok, its alright, i guess, you introduced a good plot,but well, i don't know,
i also dislike the songs, but i guess the shows do have good meaning/morals
oh well, good job anyways!
| KittyUK chapter 1 . 7/15/2008
Um yeah, instead of a review I'm going to give you some advice.
Referring to the work of people on the fandom as "horrible" and "more wrong than wrong" is not a great way to endear yourself to your potential readers and reviewers.
I might be on a losing wicket here, but I notice those of us who write Sportacus/Stephanie don't come in for a share of your almighty wrath. Is it specifically the gay relationships you have a problem with? If so, then this probably isn't a fandom where you're going to be comfortable.
Bottom line: if you don't like it, don't read it and don't review it.
I can assure you we'll all be delighted to return the favour.
| James the Lesser chapter 1 . 7/14/2008
Suitable Plot? Robbie's Nephew comes to stay, but isn't rotten. His mom wants Robbie to make him rotten but his nephew doesn't want to be. But when the kids in Lazy Town find out he is related to RObbie they hate him. Robbie uses this to his advantage and turns Ricky on the town. It isn't until Ricky acutally meets Sportacus that things are resolved and RObbie is forced to retreat.
Also, not attacking the fandom, just wondering what the frak is up with all the gay stuff? 3 pages of stories, all Sportacus and Robbie doing each other. I may be the ONLY one to NOT have gay SPortacus and Robbie. How sad is that?
But thanks for the review. You say I didn't explain much in the way of action? How's that? I found it hard trying to explain Sportacus mostly. He does a LOT of flips, ariels, cartwheel, springboards, so forth. You could probably have six pages of just "Flipped then spun into a backflip doing a springboard into the landing." And well, six pages of just that doesn't sound like a good read to me.
Thank you for your review Melissa. Criticism is always appreciated when its done the way you did it. Not a flame but actually addressing certain points.
| Alton Cyphers chapter 1 . 7/14/2008
i could have read this if it had had a suitable plot and was written in a logical way.
but it was rather confusing to read, since you didn't really explain much in the way of action.
you wrote it like a script, and badly at that.
and why are you attacking authors in this fandom when you just came into it? that's pretty rude.
especially since we've been here longer. and if you don't like it, don't bloody well read it!
that's called common sense. everyone has it, you should use it.
please, don't come around and bitch just because you don't like something, cause the same can be said back.