Reviews for Disenchanted
AlmeidaFluff chapter 9 . 8/21/2011
Excellent. Loved every word. Poor Michelle. Her reunion with Tony was written so perfectly. You're one helluva great writer, book. I'm looking forward to reading your other stories.
AlmeidaFluff chapter 8 . 8/21/2011
I don't know what to do but say it again: I utterly love your OC's. Rick is a dream. He and Alex are perfect together. And I love that Bill is the surrogate dad. It's such a perfect role for him.

You write such excellent dialog, too, not to mention action sequences. I'm loving this story.
AlmeidaFluff chapter 7 . 8/21/2011
Rick is a terrific character. Sexy as hell, just like his brother. LOL. I love him. This chapter was just as fabulous as the others. You're a real gifted writer, book.
AlmeidaFluff chapter 5 . 8/21/2011
""You okay?" He mumbled quietly in her ear, smoothing out her hair and planting a kiss on the side of her face. He struggled to keep the break out of his own voice. Michelle managed a nod before the tears finally came. She muffled a sob against his shoulder and he squeezed tighter, burying his face into her hair. His hands alternated between her face and neck and her back, as if trying to make sure she was really there and not his mind playing tricks on him."

Okay, you've got me on a roller coaster now. DARN YOU, BOOKWORM! I can't believe how exciting this story is. You write extremely well. Your OC Alex character is wonderful. Excellent job with this entire story.
AlmeidaFluff chapter 3 . 8/21/2011
"It'd taken him so long to get to the point where he ever remotely resembled who he was before Michelle died."

Oh, no! I may not be able to read any more. LOL! You know I'm an end-of-season-three-never-happened person, so I'm not sure I can handle this. But your writing and storyline and interwoven relationships are fantastic, book!
AlmeidaFluff chapter 2 . 8/21/2011
OMG! Action-packed enough? And Alex is Tony's brother's partner! Great, great stuff, book!
AlmeidaFluff chapter 1 . 8/20/2011
Great character development and background story, book, and your writing style is terrific as always! I love how it was revealed that Bill was Bill Buchanan.

Geez, I have so much catching up to do!
anybody-out-there chapter 9 . 7/3/2011
OMG, what an amazing story.

First off your writing stile is just incredibly good! Love it!

I started reading your story because I'm a fan of Tony and Michelle (not that I don't like Jack and Kim and the rest of the 24 gang). In fact I had a hard time watching after season 5, and 7 was cruel... but more the reason for loving fanfic ;)

Sometimes reading stories with OCs, I find the parts concerning the OC's a bit boring, and I sometimes just skim through those parts (blushing ashamed:”) And yes I have to admit I did that with your story at first as well, but by the beginning of chapter two I found myself so into the characters so much I had to go back to the beginning to read it again (properly this time). And I couldn't stop till I'd reached the end.

The characters of Rick Almeida and Alex Evans managed to get to me. Really, I love them! They fit perfectly into the show! More so than some of the characters already in the real show. And of course I love that you have a female field agent:D And that you didn't make it “perfect”. I found myself enjoying reading about the them in action as much as the others.

And talking about the others, Jack, Tony, Michelle and Bill – don't worry, they were very much in character, I could picture them, their actions, the dialogs, it all made sense and could easily have been a part of an episode. I also liked the familiarity in the interaction between Rick and Michelle, nicely done!

And did I mention I liked the plot! I've already noticed you've written more stories in the series, and YES, I look forward to read them:) And for the first time, not only because of my favorite characters, but as much because of your OCs, so the better be in them;)

Excellently done!
Flight of Folly chapter 9 . 1/28/2009
As promised, here are my thoughts on a thoroughly enjoyable story…

Chap 3: the plot thickens, nice to see Chloe as difficult as ever- would it have killed her to summarise the video! I loved the informative flash-back, but the italics are hard to read.

Chap 4: I’m thinking that CTU needs to revise their hiring protocols… difficult decisions aren’t made any easier when everyone is related! Poor Alex, people just don’t seem to take her seriously. Pleased to see her kick a little arse- and even earn Jack’s praise- and I’m very pleased to see Michelle’s return. Even if the whole ‘fake her death to torture her without reprise’ scheme has been done before.

Chap 5: poor Tony and Michelle, there’s a relationship that brought them more trouble than even the worst terrorist could deserve! And I see that Rick hasn’t learnt from his brothers mistakes… I loved Chloe’s blunt comment. This chapter has a lot of action; however, I felt that the number of hostiles involved in the gun-fight was a little exaggerated.

Chap 6: I love Scarlett… and there’s nothing wrong with being stubborn if you use it as a positive force! This was certainly the chapter for lost souls… Michelle, Tony and Alex… no matter how tough you are, there is always something- or someone- who intimidates you.

Chap 7: I can’t believe you let Alex’s dad get away with that! This day has certainly left its share of broken pieces and future problems behind.

Chap 8/9: I really loved the epilogue… the great thing about FFN is the chance to write the back-stories behind the characters and you really bring Rick and Alex to life here. The relationship between the brothers is great… I especially liked how Rick views things through Tony’s advice. Alex did a great job pushing Michelle out of denial. Poor Tony, he really struggled to deal with the situation, which in turn only made it worse for Michelle. Well, here’s hoping- although not really expecting- that things will be better come Part 2.

Just one general comment; if you have currently have a beta-reader, you need to tell them to focus more on grammar… if not, you should consider one. There are between one to three errors per chapter.

Natalie
Flight of Folly chapter 2 . 1/22/2009
Lots of adventure in this chapter. Nice to see the return of all our favourite 24 characters, as well as Rick Almeida. Here’s hoping that the verb ‘got’ in reference to Michelle doesn’t mean killed!

A couple of little things: it might be worth letting us know how much time has passed, especially after the prologue which was very specific about Alex’s age; secondly, song lyrics are not supposed to be posted in stories.

Natalie
Flight of Folly chapter 1 . 1/21/2009
Poor Alex... not exactly your ideal childhood. It's nice to see you take the time to really introduce a OC. Although, it might have flowed better to begin in the present- the woman she has become- and have the past as flash-backs.

On the subject of the present, I'm assuming it's at Division LA, between season 4 and 5 but this is a little unclear.

All together a interesting prologue, and as I'm discovering this story once it's completed, I can move straight onto Chap 2!

Natalie
ToothFairy chapter 9 . 11/2/2008
Wow. You really waited till the last moment to drop the bomb didn't you? :P

Tony and Michelle's situation in the beginning of the chapter kind of reminded me of their problems after Tony got out of prison, except Michelle is quiet rather than angry and she obviously didn't start drinking. They were rapidly losing touch with each other, and I love that it was Alex that finally got through to Michelle. Getting her behind the wheel of that car was a great confidence booster! :)

I loved how you emphasized that it was a lot easier for Michelle to admit the rape to Alex than to Tony... not because she didn't want him to know but because she loved him too much. Both the scene in the car and the part where she finally comes clean were very insightful and very well-written. I was actually shaking a little bit afterwards...

Aw, Rick is such a sweet guy! I loved how he planned out a whole special evening (and it wasn't even an overly important birthday either - I'm wondering what he's gonna do for her 25th :P ). Haha and he even passed up sex for this opportunity to make Alex happy... The part where he told her "You don't know what I have planned for later" cracked me up because guys really can't resist saying stuff like that! lmao

As for the TM sex scene, you handled a potentially disastrous subject extremely well. I loved the conflict within Michelle - wanting desperately to just be with her husband again and yet terrified of the horrific memories it might bring back. It contrasted beautifully with Tony's tentative longing for intimacy. He's a really sweet guy too, but we knew that already... lol

The Tony/Rick part at the end of the chapter had me grinning like an idiot :D

All in all, a fantastic job with this story. There are very few fics on the website that can compete with this... It simply has it all - action, plot, and amazing personal conflicts; all with that desperately melancholic, very 24-like undertone. I'm in awe! :)

So what's next? Bend or Sequel Number One?

;)
Reikofanfan chapter 9 . 10/31/2008
poor Michelle! But very happy ending, much better than the one on TV!

Great work!
Jurojin chapter 9 . 10/31/2008
Absolutely beautiful.

Bravo.
Trinity Everett chapter 1 . 10/31/2008
I can't even begin to express how much I love this story. Your 24 characters are spot on, your OCs are perfect - just the right amount of imperfections to make them real.

And oh, it was so hard to read about what happened to Michelle, but you handled it so well, capturing both sides of the aftermath. I cheered a little at the "Five's not even" conversation.

Fantastic job, as always!
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