|Reviews for Nuova vita della Hannah|
| Silvermoon of Forestclan chapter 9 . 9/10/2010
Was a bit short, but nice. Keep writing!
| Silvermoon of Forestclan chapter 8 . 8/25/2010
Nice one! Stupid characters. Thanks for updating!
| The Awesome Sugar Sparkles chapter 7 . 8/3/2010
cant wait for more
| Silvermoon of Forestclan chapter 7 . 8/2/2010
Aww... that's not a very nice dream (to state the obvious). Keep writing!
| FireFox Vixen chapter 6 . 8/2/2010
all i have to say is AWESOME!
| Silvermoon of Forestclan chapter 6 . 7/29/2010
What do they expect her to do? Tell the truth? She's a teen for a reason! Keep writing!
| StuffRocksInnit chapter 5 . 7/26/2010
Wow, this story is good. You should definiatly keep it up!
| Moonlit917 chapter 4 . 7/22/2010
Ah, its very good! Sorry I took so long to review. -; I still adore the story and can't wait for the updates. :D
| Silvermoon of Forestclan chapter 4 . 7/21/2010
This chapter was ok. (But I think i wasn't that enthusiastic 'coz I want them to meet already!)
| Moonlit917 chapter 3 . 7/15/2010
I love the idea for this! Please continue, its really great. :]
| Silvermoon of Forestclan chapter 3 . 8/8/2009
Nice story! Keep writing!
| unperson chapter 3 . 6/13/2009
Wha? oh danm oh ! .. ... sorry bout that, er... More Please!
| istappen chapter 3 . 1/25/2009
Please write more :) Please
| istappen chapter 1 . 12/23/2008
I like it (
| Hellokitty-4-ever chapter 3 . 11/13/2008
Well, I'll agree with some points. Your story is short and lacking detail... People love details. If I could, I would circle, underline, bold, and make it in huge bright neon letters...But i can't, so you get tiny black font. ]
Don't specify what's what's in the beginning. Like "Words" 'Thoughts'. That's mostly your job. 3 You have to TELL the reader it's a thought, or it's being spoken. The written thing is another topic, I'll explain later. The duty of the reader is to kinda figure out it's a thought or something said.
'Will she ever shut up?' the girl thought to herself.
] Give us some credit. We have some intelligence! P
Now back to that details thing. (hehe. I so didn't organized myself X3). Describe everything. EVERYTHING. (This is a start. then you'll get an idea of what is just stupid to add, and what is all right.)
Never tell people anything. Show it! SHOW IT! Like, right now, all i see are blobs in the shape of people... and then the blobs talk..o-o it's like invasion of the poltergist...
RUN FOR YOUR LOVES! ..loves. haha. Well it fits the genre...
dude i think i just made this thing crazy, cuz it keeps jumping up and down..Anyways.
Instead of saying "Hannah shifted uncomfortably" you could say, "The young girl fidgeted under the question." or something like that... make it interesting MAKE THE READER THINK! We need mystery! we need not to beat around the bush!(I had coffee, so i'm high and slightly long winded. Just slightly ;D )
Work on vocabulary a little. That's normally what brings stories to life and convey your actual mood.
There was a heavy rain outside, and it was noisey on the rooftop.
Boring! "The raindrops bombarded the tops of the house, clashing as they reached their destination."
] less boring... A little over the top but, blah. (See, my pet peeves are repetition. I basically kill my friends for it... like I would read over their reports and in a BRIGHT red pen circle repetitive words and write in the margin "...I hate you right now.") hehe. or "You Monkey butt". They do it to bug me. Trust me, I know.) You don't have that problem much. D Therefore, I like you.
Rushing the endings...You have no deadlines... Why are you rushing it sweetie? don't rush unless you're turning it in for school credit or something, but in that case you shouldn't have procrastinate... The readers get a little annoyed and will beg for chapters, but you shouldn't give quanity but quality. ]
Save it, work on it a little more tomorrow, then submit it. Work on it for a whole week before you submit it. Or, do what many of friends do. Finish the whole story, then bit by bit post the chapters. And DEMAND reviews. Hold the next chapter hostage until you get that many number of reviews. It works. XD And just take your time, don't be anxious to get finished. ] Now to CHAPTER 3.
...You're making me very sad. I just wrote a very long review for nothing... Do not discontinue the story... That's bad! that's very very bad. DX PUT IT ON HOLD D! Don't discontinue it. If you're disencourage, you really must realize that your writting will NOT improve unless you (Like all teachers will tell you over and over again) practice, recognize your mistakes and improve on them the next time.
Please, try ONE more chapter, but this time take your time, and really concentrate on writing descriptions. Read it and go "can my readers see this character?" (We don't even know what hannah looks like.) Just one more chapter, and we'll CLEARLY see if your writting has progressed. ]
I'm here anytime on messenger if you want to ask about anything or yell at me for this seriously long and somewhat blunt review.
AIM : flamed0red0rose
Please email to the first one if you must. And I really look forward to seeing improvement in your next chapter. 3
Best of Lucks
Kitty T. N.