Reviews for Twelve Years
hotchner chapter 1 . 6/9/2010
I'm really impressed by your first Chapter. I hope that Jack

will be able to find Sam. I love your style of writing. It

gives you a little bit of imagination. Keep up the

AWESOME Writing. Can't wait for your next Chapter.

THANK YOU! ! !
Kimberleah chapter 1 . 6/8/2010
I am thankful for any new WAT story! This is a very interesting start. Can hardly wait to see were this is going!
MC New York chapter 1 . 7/29/2008
All right.. Constructive criticism here, if I ever have provided it. Let me start off by saying, I love this introduction here. I love the story and on-edge feeling behind it. I love the bit of mystery you've added to Caroline despite the fact that you told the audience about her past of parties, booze, and boys. I'm given the feeling that by her possession of a 9 mil. that everything in her world isn't as now well-put together simply because of her daughter's existence. The apparent distaste/subtle fear of the daughter's father also makes me suspicious and furthermore, interested.

Although due to the size of this entry, the character interactions you've given between your OC and the WaT characters seems to be in-character, which is always a MAJOR plus for me. :) It can make or break a story for me.

But the part that sort of.. put me off.. was the format of your paragraphs. Don't get me wrong, not horrible, but its just.. It gets increasingly difficult and sort of breaks the flow of the story when you have to distinguish who's talking in each section of the paragraph when its three different people talking. I'd propose a different paragraph for every different person that speaks.. Like... I'm going to take a sample of one of your paragraphs; One as it is, and one explaining what I mean.

As it is:

["And then what?" Agent Malone's voice broke me out of the canyon of images of my daughter that morning and I had to clear my throat before continuing. "I didn't make her go to school, obviously. I called the principle and she said that there was never a man at the pus stop with Sam. I was so angry. I got ready and I was going down there to talk to her face to face." Agent Johnson was taking notes in the little notebook he had handed her, while he watched me. The human lie detector. "Did you?" I snorted. "Of course I did. She called my kid a liar and was putting her in danger by lying. I don't handle being lied to very well." He almost half smiled. "Neither do I."]

What I mean:

["And then what?" Agent Malone's voice broke me out of the canyon of images of my daughter that morning and I had to clear my throat before continuing.

"I didn't make her go to school, obviously. I called the principle and she said that there was never a man at the bus stop with Sam. I was so angry. I got ready and I was going down there to talk to her face to face."

Agent Johnson was taking notes in the little notebook he had handed her, while he watched me. The human lie detector. "Did you?"

I snorted. "Of course I did. She called my kid a liar and was putting her in danger by lying. I don't handle being lied to very well."

He almost half smiled. "Neither do I."]

Sure, a lot more lengthy, but the parts are distinguishable. Apologies if I'm just too set in my writing format ways and need to shut up on such a... semi-unimportant detail.

Other than that, I really have nothing "negative" to say. You only had one typo, which was "pus" instead of "bus" but I've done more moronic mistakes with my work. Some of its downright embarrassing, so "pus stop" is NOTHING in comparison. And just a few spots here and there were you should've used semicolons instead of periods and all that good stuff, but.. Eh. That really can be overlooked. Now I'm just getting into the picky technicalities. :)

I enjoyed this and I hope you'll update soon. I don't really go too much for the WaT stories that start off with the case side of things. But its caught my attention. :) Keep this kind of work up and you'll have heaps of reviewers in no time. :)

Peace & Love,

MC New York
BreakingProtocol chapter 1 . 7/24/2008
I liked that ... I mean it was weird because you didn't make it in one of the serie's character head so that unusual but however it was pretty cool and you have a really awesome writing ...

Please, keep writing and i'll keep reading ;)