Reviews for The Devilish Grin
Shadow117 chapter 1 . 6/14/2009
Good

Well detailed scenes

Charismatic characters (Gunner and McClain)

Writing in 110PA is good to respect canon (although i think the expendables were killed in SoT 6)

Bad

CS as bad guys already been done to death (So many other villains in Rifts to use)

Result

I liked it, so i truly hope you write more!
Leorik Sennet chapter 1 . 12/21/2008
Excellent story so far. Makes me believe that i'm in the bar watching some of the action going on around the main character.
Mojo Arrogance chapter 1 . 8/1/2008
Hey ther,

I read your chapter here when you posted, but have been meaning to get a review for you. Sorry for the delay.

First, I commend your choice of viewpoint, 1st person has always been a particular challenge for me. Your characters have color and so far seem consistent. I see potential for an awesome story coming.

If I might offer a word of advice; being that the story is being related as a past event, (by the wounded Gunner) you may get a better flow out of it if you switched to a past tense versus the prevailing present tense. i.e. "He finished as he dropped a bag full of cred-cards on the table." vs. "He finishes as he drops...".

In order to work, it'd have to be consistent, reverting to a present tense only when adding narration from the wounded Gunner.

Just a thought. Hope it was helpful. I look forward to more.

-Mojo