|Reviews for The Devilish Grin|
| Shadow117 chapter 1 . 6/14/2009
Well detailed scenes
Charismatic characters (Gunner and McClain)
Writing in 110PA is good to respect canon (although i think the expendables were killed in SoT 6)
CS as bad guys already been done to death (So many other villains in Rifts to use)
I liked it, so i truly hope you write more!
| Leorik Sennet chapter 1 . 12/21/2008
Excellent story so far. Makes me believe that i'm in the bar watching some of the action going on around the main character.
| Mojo Arrogance chapter 1 . 8/1/2008
I read your chapter here when you posted, but have been meaning to get a review for you. Sorry for the delay.
First, I commend your choice of viewpoint, 1st person has always been a particular challenge for me. Your characters have color and so far seem consistent. I see potential for an awesome story coming.
If I might offer a word of advice; being that the story is being related as a past event, (by the wounded Gunner) you may get a better flow out of it if you switched to a past tense versus the prevailing present tense. i.e. "He finished as he dropped a bag full of cred-cards on the table." vs. "He finishes as he drops...".
In order to work, it'd have to be consistent, reverting to a present tense only when adding narration from the wounded Gunner.
Just a thought. Hope it was helpful. I look forward to more.