|Reviews for The New World|
| Ichigo -usagi Wizu chapter 2 . 4/21/2009
THAT'S GREAT! i liked the suspense!
| Artilerex chapter 2 . 11/6/2008
Doned is such a ,nice story, your decription is just right, but try to make your chapters a bit longer.I was hoping that Marche would be with Ritz in this story, but oh well... Great world is certainly a dark place by your looks.
| To Die Laughing chapter 2 . 8/4/2008
KH EKRV EHRB;LUCLIFFHANGER. D:
Is Marche just wigging out because he killed someone? (Writing this review just made me slop my drink all over myself. D: I suck.) Since he's a nice, Law-abiding young man?
Speaking of Marche, up at the beginning of the chapter, I think you put a bit too much description into his actions and his appearance. I mean, description is good- lets people know what's going on. But, on a couple occasions, you added a bit too MUCH description.
"Marche had blonde hair, with two long tendrils tapering from the base of his bangs atop his head, and one like a ponytail from the base of his skull. He looked into the mirror and saw two blue eyes, sorrowed beyond their years with years of anguish and toil."
This sentence, for example. Now, I understand the difficulty in trying to describe a character's appearance when you know just what they look like. I did the same thing for a while (though you do it much more briefly than I did) with my original fiction, since I'm used to just drawing them. But some of the description is a bit... superfluous? But that's just my opinion.
Also, some of your sentences are a bit long, and sound awkward as a result.
"He stood by the simple vanity and splashed his face in the water basin and letting the water drip off the end of his nose back into the water, making ripples spread and the 'plip' echo like a chime in the quiet room."
This sentence, for example, would have worked much better divided up into two sentences, like so: "He stood at the simple vanity and splashed his face with water. He let the water drip off of the end of his nose, back into the basin, the 'plip' echoing like a chime in the quiet room." But that's just my opinion.
You write battle scenes well, by the by. :3
| To Die Laughing chapter 1 . 8/4/2008
I really hate Doned. In the game, too. I wanna kick that little twerp's face in. D
You did a good job of making the FFTA world sound more like a world than just a bunch of dots on a map. :3
(Oh, and I'm me, by the way. Finally got around to finishing this chapter. D: I IS R SLO.)
| frik1000 chapter 2 . 7/31/2008
oh interesting...i wonder who the black mage was. Keep up the good work.
| frik1000 chapter 1 . 7/30/2008
This is a great idea and your writing skills aren't bad either. I look forward to seeing more of this. Update soon.
| HyperLarri chapter 1 . 7/28/2008
Interesting take on what happens after Marche destroys all the crystals and defeats Remedi. I like how it seems to be a lot darker than the game. Hope to read more.