|Reviews for The Death of a Generation|
| eNough89 chapter 1 . 2/13/2014
Wow. I really enjoyed reading your story and the ending brought tears to my eyes. One could hope that Severus would be spared but we know he isn't. Maybe he is in your mind or in this story but yeah... Thanks for sharing and I hope that your title has inspired a story in my head. There were other parts in the story that made me think and... just made me think. Thanks for that.
| Flickerphile chapter 1 . 11/24/2009
Solid introduction. High caliber writing. Nice job with 'sugar-coated words'. You appear to really capture the essence of the characters. Nice exchange b/t Severus and Rosmerta.
At the police station: 'Do you have any thing for the Headmaster or am I free to leave now.” This needs to end with a question mark.
'The next morning he sat at the head table eating breakfast'. It appears you are explaining Severus's thoughts while in Hogwarts. So it's confusing when you write 'he looked at the faces and saw Death Masks laughing back at him'. Does he imagine death masks? Is he actually away from Hogwarts. A quick sentence or a more concrete description could clear up the confusion.
'It was Monday, his free day for grading papers and recording grades. The only Monday this term, he would have free.' This is a bit redundant. You could probably combine the sentences for better flow.
'“I will talk to Molly...' 'There is something else?' Albus says both these things but you separate it with a new paragraph. Paragraph separations generally tell the reader someone else is speaking. If you keep it in the same paragraph and separate the quotes with a character action, you make the reader feel there is a break b/t the sentence (which appears to be what you want to achieve) w/o confusing the reader.
When Severus goes to eat dinner,an unknown witch accompanies him. She mentions getting change for Rosmerta. It wasn't until I read further what was going on. You need to make it clear to the reader that the strange girl (Olivia we later find out) is NOT Rosmerta.
When Olivia sits with him and gestures toward the drunks, Severus sees the drunks leering toward Rosmerta. Your writing makes it seem as if Olivia is really Rosmerta, and the drunks are leering at Olivia. Confusing, yes? But it's a simple mix up you can easily fix with little effort.
'if you would like to garb a cuppa.” Looks like you mean grab, not garb. Simple mistake spell check overlooks.
The exchange in the Leaky Cauldron sounds off. Is Tom really Tom Riddle aka Lord V, or is is just some random Tom that works at the Leaky Cauldron? I ask because Albus refers to him as Tom (which is a little out of character) and so it's a little confusing. And coffee is generally the drink of choice for Americans, not Brits who prefer tea. Tom's refusal to refill the coffee is a little vague. The insult would probably be more apparent if he had a full coffee pot in his hands, looked at the empty cups, and deliberately turned away. Subtle snubs are beautiful and you did a great job, but sometimes they have to be spelled out for the reader to fully understand what's going on and love you for your wit.
When Olivia explains the father of her child, she always states 'him' or 'he'. It feels like she jumped in the middle of a story and expects Severus to fill in the blanks. Perhaps you could make it more clear by starting with she met a man and then complete the explanation.
'he would see her as she looked at the Leaky Cauldron.' Do you mean he would see her as she looked at the building the Leaky Cauldron. Or do you mean he would see her (as in remembering seeing her) as she was when she was in the Leak Cauldron with him? This needs to be clear.
'Mr Long' needs to be Mr. Long. When you say the Ministry set him free, are you saying Mr. Long was a prisoner who testified on her behalf? Did he testify against her? Was he prisoner or was he a free wizard who came to the trial? This is a little foggy.
I was really hooked into the story you wrote. You put down a great story. You mastered the art of taking established characters and putting them in your own situation and made them react how we would expect them to. That simple act is very difficult. You should be proud.
This review appears way to long and detailed. I apologize. I only spent so long with such detailed critique because you deserve it. The points I pick out are only minor and are quick fixes.
You did a great job with the story and would be happy to read other works you have.
| JulzPadfootMoony chapter 1 . 6/8/2009
This is a wonderful story! I think you should continue it. I want to know who the daughter is! What a cliffhanger!
| Dragonmaster Kurai chapter 1 . 4/8/2009
Oh my God, this just keeps getting better and better! I love your writing!
| drinehart chapter 1 . 11/22/2008
Another excellent story, and once again you've brought thoughts for my own version. Would you mind if I stole the basic plot idea (Who will bury Snape) and played with it a bit? I have a darker vision than you, which isn't unusual.
| sick-atxxheart chapter 1 . 11/11/2008
This was very good. I really liked it. It was rather confusing in parts, but altogether it had a meaning and that was good. Nice job.
| makaem chapter 1 . 10/13/2008
This is a lovely story, but, God, it is heartbreaking how little hope he had left.
| Aeshan chapter 1 . 9/19/2008
Something that has always bothered me, both in the HP books and in the fan fiction, is the blanket demonization of the Death Eaters. I like how this story acknowledges that death and loss aren't felt just by the "good guys" but by the "bad guys" as well.
Good writing and a unique theme is a winning combination for me. I look forward to your other stories.
| RaineyDays chapter 1 . 9/9/2008
Great...OC is perfect and fits into Snape's life without seeming contrived. Non-fluffy as promised and well written as always.
| Lady MR1 chapter 1 . 8/2/2008
Wow. This was very moving and poignant. The humanizing of the Death Eaters was handled very delicately and truthfully. I adored your OC and how you made her so very real and so very fragile. Good work!
| wynnleaf chapter 1 . 7/31/2008
Well done. I'm kind of with the previous reviewer that hoped that in this world, Snape makes it through and lives. At least you seem to have left the possibility open here.
| Mark Darcy chapter 1 . 7/29/2008
I know this is complete, but I hope that on the night of the battle this departs from Rowling and he survives. I hope that she doesn't have to bury him for many years to come. He deserves some happiness and a life where he can be his own man, I hope he breaks down her resistance and she says yes to him.
| whitehound chapter 1 . 7/27/2008
Very well done and sad. His expectations are so low, poor boy.
Minor Britpick, btw - should be pavement, not sidewalk.
| honeybadger42 chapter 1 . 7/26/2008
Great story! Very well-written and thoughtful and sad. Poor Snape.
| sweet-tang-honney chapter 1 . 7/26/2008
i loved it. can't wait for more!