|Reviews for Down Time|
| Astra-The-Goddess chapter 11 . 10/13/2008
It was so sweet! Pete is caught and so is Dr. Portis. Good riddance to both of you! And Mickey... PROPOSE TO HER ALREADY! In privet life, you are married, in public life, so NOT! GET MARRIED TO HER AND DO IT QUICK!
| Astra-The-Goddess chapter 10 . 10/9/2008
I love it, it feels a little um what is the word, familiar, no the same, no I don't know, but I still love it!
| Wise Assassin chapter 9 . 10/5/2008
ANOTHER GREAT CHAPTER BY SQUAD UNIT 19!
| Wise Assassin chapter 8 . 9/25/2008
Great chapter! i loved it! and the oc's i liked. very good, 19, very good!
| MackenzieW chapter 1 . 9/20/2008
This shows promise. I like how you portray the relationship between Mickey and Minnie, even if in my mind they are about a decade older (of course, this maybe because you made them my age and I can't imagine these two famous mice that way :)) However, I just have a few pointers I'd like to share with you in hopes of making you an even better writer:
1) Pick a tense and stick with it. It's very confusing when you start off in present tense, switch to past tense for the middle then swap back to present tense for the end. You want everything to flow. You can write the story in present tense, I've seen it done, but the general rule of thumb is to write in past tense. There may be some exceptions where switching tenses is okay, but I know you don't have all day to read an e-mail/review.
2) Dialogue formatting. You've mastered the "new speaker, new paragraph" rule. However, an idea change also starts a new paragraph. But if it is the same idea, you can keep it in the same paragraph. For example:
"Don't worry, young lady. Your boyfriends in good hands."(T)he nurse smiles. (While you can say something while smiling, it's hard to smile words, don't you think?) Minnie smiles and nods weakly at that. "I'll have the doctor let you know when they're through," the nurse says.(Same idea-comforting Minnie).
See how that flows a bit better? Also just a friendly tip: dialogue doesn't serve the characters. It serves the readers, so you don't have to always get into the small, boring parts of a conversation unless they reveal something-IE: That there's nothing to do without you having to state there was nothing to do. This leads to...
3) Description or the old "show, don't tell" rule. You've already got a hang of it but now it's time to really expand. Like when Minnie was sitting in the emergency room-I've waited for something while nervous. Perhaps she was watching the clock? Maybe there was a flickering light? This could all add to the feeling of Minnie's anxiety-a movie has pictures, lighting and sounds to make you feel what the characters feel, an author has words.
Also, watch out for awkward sentences. We all write them and then a kindly author (or beta reader) points them out. The one I'm talking about is: "She continues to sniff a little from her previous crying, even though she's still partly crying now." Read that aloud to yourself. Does it sound a bit confusing and awkward? I think you meant something like, "She continues to sniff, but is no longer crying. However, a few tears still continue to trail down her cheek."
I will read the other chapters (don't worry, I'm not one to comment on every chapter unless I see something that needs commenting) and I hope you use these to improve. You already have good grammar, punctuation and spelling-all steps in the right direction for a great writer.
| Wise Assassin chapter 7 . 9/18/2008
YAH! YOU MADE A NEW CHAPPIE! yah! very nic, glad mickey's recovering! very nice! i love it!
| Trunks6 chapter 1 . 9/9/2008
Dear Squad Unit 19,
In order for me to reply to your question, please turn on private messaging or e-mail me at
| Trunks6 chapter 6 . 9/8/2008
Good story! I think you could've had Mickey & Minnie go "All The Way" to a certain extent without describing much of that action, but otherwise I think you did a fantasic job! One thing you don't need to repeat actions as much as you do in the story, one "Good night" will suffice. But please continue, I would like to read more if your inspired enough.
Keep up the good work!
| Wise Assassin chapter 6 . 9/7/2008
aw! so sweet! yet again, awesome chapter ;D KEEP IT UP, SQUAD UNIT 19!
| Wise Assassin chapter 5 . 8/30/2008
sweet. i llove the cute idea of the washing. so cute, and sweet!
| Wise Assassin chapter 4 . 8/22/2008
aw! so sweet, u helped me get happy and fluffy inside after a whole week of middle school, my best friends fighting, and my chores. THANK U! and u updated! yeah!
| Wise Assassin chapter 3 . 8/15/2008
aw...so sweet! i havent heard from you in a while, and when i saw this, i was happy to read! i loved it, soo sweet.
| Wise Assassin chapter 2 . 8/7/2008
so fluffy, abnd cute! and yeah, i got your bday email! it was so sweet,thanks so much. only 2 people online said happy bday to me, you and a youtube friend. thanks for not forgetting! make another chapter!
| Wise Assassin chapter 1 . 7/29/2008
MICKEY! this story was like, probally your best so far. it had drama, it was longer, and no gramar mistakes.