Reviews for What Price Vengeance
Guest chapter 5 . 9/29/2013
U rock
Buttercup chapter 13 . 11/8/2011
That's actually three times she's killed Irma
ThePink1 at Reefside.Net chapter 20 . 10/16/2009
"AH! Holy & %! Guys, you will not BELIEVE how Baby ended ..."

"Yes we will, Irma. Read it when she posted it," Taranee said, eyes averted.

"H-how?" Irma whined.

"Free period," Cornelia said, and sat down on Hay's bed, where they'd all congregated for 'New Chapter Day' this week. The bouncy Air girl was just coming in with a tray of almond cookies and lemonades for them all.

"So ... how long do you think before the sequel?" Hay asked Taranee.

"Oh ... I figure about the same time Will manages to finish her OVERDUE history report," the Fire Guardian said with a laugh. Cornelia and Irma joined in, until Will reminded their Watery friend that they were both writing that report.

"& %," Irma repeated, then hit 'Review'. "Okay, okay, as soon as we're done with this ..."

from: W.i.t.c.h.

to: Babywhale512

Hey, Liz, great finish to a wonderful second story. Now go on, finish the trilogy, so the girls can get to their homework! ;D (JK, but we loved it, and can't wait to see more.) Catch ya on the flipside, A J (and friends).
Native Of the Moon and Air chapter 20 . 10/15/2009
I LOVE this story!

You're a really good writerD

good job
Nightroad chapter 20 . 10/12/2009
First of all thanks BW for this story.

Quite dramatic finale that imo leaves story on bigger cliffhanger than most chapters before. As for aftereffect of Oracles decision - while I think suppressing powers was partially right decision as i mentioned before, It couldn't been done in such way, of course formally its Kandracars power and he have formal right to take it away whenever he feels like it, but if she is dependent(even more physically in addition to being dependent mentally) to it, leaving her powerless is same thing as to make soldier addicted to morphine and then throw him out once he outlived his usefulness. That either makes him no better than beings he fight against(ex:Phobos), who discard his agents/minions in moment they outlive their use/fail them or he have deeper agenda towards her that still shows that his remnants of humanity is fading , but guess that comes with immortality and power(even to some extent - godhood).After all its nature of such being to scorn rest of humanity as inferiors, even if they don't admit makes me wonder is he stupid to step on same mistakes again or is there something more to it.

That picks up some more questions. If Irma is in such state, guardians in turmoil and antagonistically set towards Oracle, doesn't that mean Nerissa won? Even more if we assume that she orchestrated her death as I mentioned/suggested in one of the past reviews.

In both of your stories you pictured that guardians are symbiotically linked with their power, and taking it away cause huge withdrawal. Irmas state in this chapters gave me some thoughts. When Nerissa first made council doubt in her abilities to lead, she was stripped of her power, doesn't that put her in same place as Irma is now and Taranee in WPL, with huge withdrawal and thirst for power to compensate it. That sort of makes me see Cassisdies murder in bit different light, and while we can never justify junkies killing someone for fix,in this case however her thirst was caused by her superiors(not that it makes it ok) - fact Oracle did nothing to prevent, thus making "evil Nerissa" almost completely product of councils worse Irma is now mirroring her against councilstripped powersthirst for power... Well I hope she wont attack Will for her for myself, I feel some sympathy for old hag even for this demonized version of yours even though she really doesn't deserve it.

Kinda small plothole but can't Elyon grant her power to sustain Irma? Can assume she's too young and inexperienced to do it, but that wasn't even suggested between girls.

Will is really careless, to write in diary such secrets. Did she ever imagined that her mother could "borrow" it, specially if she becomes worried about her grades and attitude.

As for story itself and some criticism - As previous one it was really great and I cant really compare which one was better, but i have to agree with Darev below that at some points drama dragged too long and repetitive. Also as with WPL it had some moments I disliked like rules of duel, and while it wasn't such strong deusex machina resolvment as in WPL imo it could have been done better. Also some plot lines seemed bit unfinished or started and then completely rethinked, like for example I had slight feel you are unsure what to do with Lubas character for the during of drop line was quite underused too, but I hope that will come in future.

But overall its one of the best stories here, and I hope you will continue it(soon). Possibly everyone already pestered you with this question, but do you and if so, when you plan to write new story?

P.S You can always count on my support if you continue writing, and you can always ask for support and suggestions for it. Thanks again for great stories.
zestychicken2 chapter 20 . 10/10/2009
First I have to apologize that i Haven't reviewed. You just seemed to be updating so fast :D That's so wonderful!

You definitely captured Will's character in the epilogue. It just blew me away how in-character you wrote her, and I really think just the way that the scenerio with all these girls are very realistic. :D So congradulations about that. The last few chapters were very well written with little to no mistakes in them and I'm really happy that you've updated as fast as you could! Irma having her water power taken away was seriously a cliffie and on top of that really unpredictable! Great job!

This story as a whole was wonderful as well. The two of them certainly seemed to tie together really well, and I can remember quite a few things about everything that has happened. This was started such a long time ago - and I'm really glad I came back for the ride :D

But, I am curious though... Will this be the last of the series of WPL and WPV? It seemed like a very odd place to leave the story at, and if you weren't planning on making one, I think you should think about doing it :D Though Nerissa wouldn't be much of a threat, I'm thinking it's very possible that you could come up with a new one... The KOV vowed vengence, Irma is in a state without her powers and stripped of her sanity, Will is under lock down, Hay Lin is falling apart, and Cornelia... Well she can't stay cool calm and collect forever. Even if it was a short story, I feel that there were a lot of loose ends you never seemed to really tie :D I would COMPLETELY 100% back you up on a sequel to the sequel. Or at least another chapter? Anyways... Still though, even if you don't choose to do that... I'm impressed with your writing, and looking so forward to more witch stories of yours being written. Thanks for writing!

Starwin chapter 20 . 10/10/2009
What a ride! You've done an excellent job on crafting a wonderfully dark story. Your parting words leave me hoping the next part is in the works.

Before we go on I just want to say a couple things. You have written and excellent story, and while it may seem like I have nothing but complaints, your story quality is exceptional. If your story wasn't well beyond average I wouldn't have kept coming back for more.

Additionally, this is all just my opinion and I'm pretty sure you know that there is no malicious intent behind my words. My only goal is to provide truthful feedback and hope that some of it is useful.


Review of Epilouge...

It does feel like a chapter is missing here. We go from Kandrakar to days later. And it would have been nice to see the events instead of have them being recounted.

That being said, I thought your approach to the exposition was well done. Will's voice came through very well in the writing. Her worries and thoughts were well expressed giving the audience some excellent insight on her character and how the other girls are dealing.

Now, an overall review of the entire story.

I felt that for the vast majority of the story there was some excellent pacing. Events flowed well into one another. Each chapter kept us wanting for more (and coming back for it).

The moments of triumph are sparse and well used, making each little achievement feel like a monumental moment.

Some events stayed with me more clearly than others. Things like Irma's nightmares, her parents imprisoning her, the second kidnapping and the duel with Nerissa are all still pretty clear in my mind. I'm hard pressed to recall anymore story beyond that.

There are some parts that did feel like they slowly the story down a little. And Irma's second kidnapping felt a little like a retrace of the first story.

I think you did an excellent job with all the characters. balancing five main characters is quiet a challenge. Keeping each one unique without making them feel the same is no easy task.

One thing that's bothering me is I'm still having trouble distinguishing this story from the first one. Both stories continue to torment Irma and make her life miserable. But what price is Vengeance could almost have just been more chapters on Loyalty.

The stories don't feel different enough to be two different stories. The core of each story (Irma being tortured) remains the same, even if the events around it are different.

Some of the story focus switches to Irma trying to recover, but there is more breaking her down than building her up.

I am therefore left wondering, what was the point? What does the second story do to advance the arch that the first story did not (or could not) have done.

Again, its not a bad story. Far from it, I thought it was terrific (or terror-ific) in all the points I have previously mentioned. But it would have been nice to see some more distancing from the first story.

I have two more gripes, both having to do with the ending. The first one is Elyon. Here is a plot point that has been huge, and reiterated throughout the whole story. And there is one scene that resolves it all. I would have liked a little more dedication to her recovery.

The second gripe, is the ending itself. The story feels unfinished. Now, I don't mean that the story lines are unresolved (because they are, since it looks like you are going to do a part 3), I mean that the story, what "Price is Vengeance" feels unfinished.

I think the feeling comes from the last "chapter" ending with them exiting through the portal. To use a metaphor, its like the actors walked off the edge of the stage, but the curtain hasn't come down.

Even with the Epilogue something is still missing. Something I can't tangibly define... There almost needed to be a "too be continued" scene.

Eh, I'm probably just rambling...

Thank you once again for sharing your stories with us. It has been a pleasure to experience the work you have created.

Philip Gipson chapter 20 . 10/10/2009
I dug the epilogue, Babywhale. Will writes down everything she feels in her diary, deeply motivated by what is happening in her life. I can't blame her. We all have a lot to deal with in our own lives. We do our chores, help out others, grieve for a loved one's loss, anything fate throws at us. But seem to handle her just right. She isn't exactly trustworthy to everyone, but there isn't anything she can do about that. I bet the next "W.I.T.C.H." story you'll write will have an even bigger impact. And, uh, by the way, XV and DREAMCOLE are helping me with my "W.I.T.C.H./ThunderCats" trailer, but really I can start a new one anytime.
DayDreamer9 chapter 20 . 10/10/2009
Holy (insert your word of choice) o.o;;

Irma's catatonic, Hay Lin is depressed, Will is slowly losing all of her self-esteem...what next? o.O;; Will things ever get back to some semblance of normal? What'll happen now? Something tells me that there's another reason why the Oracle did what he did, but I'm not sure why. One can only wait and see what happens next...BUT PLEASE let it be soon T_T
crowofdawn chapter 20 . 10/9/2009
First: I'm sorry I haven't reviewed in a while. School has been hell and not very fun.

Second: Epic, and I don't use that word lightly, ending. Irma with no powers? What will happen to all of the guardians? Please, please tell me you're writing another. If you're not, then I might have to die from lack of knowledge... Please write a sequel!
Nerd4eva chapter 20 . 10/9/2009
Lol awesome job, loved this whole story!(duh P)Not sure if your gonna continue this with another story but if ya do I'll be waiting for it, if not... I'll be waiting for any other writing you might do so I can give you more awesome jobs, hee hee. xP
wolfgurl211 chapter 20 . 10/9/2009
OMG, this was a extremaly good story, what price loyalty and what price vengeance was the best story I have ever read and I hope you do continue the saga becouse it would mean everything to me. :D
Karon19 chapter 20 . 10/9/2009
Feels weird to be reading the ending all of a sudden. I was getting used to your frequent updates and now I find the story is over. But all good things...must continue. With Irma in a catatonic state, does that mean the next installment will focus more on Will's problems? The Knights are still out there and no doubt planning some serious payback. And honestly, I don't believe Nerissa is gone for good. She could have implanted a part of her soul into the Heart of Meridian or Irma and left it there to strike back at her enemies.

Now I must be honest. The story dragged tremendously at the beginning. There was a lot of repetitive drama between Irma and her parents, and Irma and her friends (particularly Hay Lin), so much so that I was beginning to lose interest at some point. It happens when you take too long on the exposition. And having a girl tortured extensively for two stories was a little hard on the senses.

As a maturation story, Irma, Will and the gang have indeed grown up. That innocence they had is long gone and the guardians (and Elyon) have learned once and for all how human they really are. It was something missing in the series and I'm glad you did not shy away from it.

Irma's friendship with Hay Lin was a critical point you touched on. Though I did find it a bit grating (too mushy for my tastes) it was saddening to watch something so beautiful die.

Vengeance or not, I am not missing Nerissa one bit. Will the next story involve redemption as its theme? If Nerissa does return, and I hope she DOESN'T, her story might revolve around her seeking a way to redeem herself for all her past atrocities. Either way, I am sad it's over, but relieved all the same.

Loyalty was by far the better of the two, but this was a good sequeal in and of itself. I'll be sure to mention it in my favorites column.

Thanks for the story, whale.

shocklance chapter 20 . 10/9/2009
What an ending. You continue ot prove why you'er a great storyteller. I can't help but worry for the girls. And poor Irma, she down't deserve her fate, or to potentally be locked up in a mental institute.

So I've got to know, is this the end of it all, or are you going ot continue it? I'd love to see Will confront the Orcale about his actions. Either way you continue to be one of my favorite authors on this site, keep up the great work!
cartoonloverfan101 chapter 20 . 10/9/2009
Hey, good epilogue. Thanks for updating, babywhale512.




P.S.: I still think you're a pretty young thang!
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