Reviews for Tired
garv chapter 3 . 7/29/2008
thank you for your astonishing histories Narutoenthusiast-sama
eator chapter 3 . 7/29/2008
Hey,

Cool story I like what you have done so far. My main criticism would be that you are not subtle in the slightest when aproaching Naruto's character development. Ever since he has decided to shape up its all people talk about. If you want to use other characters dialogue to show his character change, it only realy works once or twice before becoming old and you have kept it up constantly. Which leads me to the next point, you have done the oposite of the manga and made Naruto to much of a central character. It seems like all people are thinking and talking about is Naruto. In real life most people wouldnt care if someone they vaguely know has a horrible day (sad but true). Try and show a bit more depth to the other characters, so far they only exist in your story to comment on Naruto's character development and growing strenght.

Hope I wasnt harsh, I realy like your story just trying to give some help. I love that in developing Naruto you havent taken him on an angst fest, but actualy made a Naruto who is facing his problems head on.

Torg.
redsox20 chapter 3 . 7/29/2008
good story just fix the grammer
CrazyLikeArt chapter 3 . 7/29/2008
Really nice, this goes straight into my favorites.

I have a question though, Naruto holds a grudge against a lot of people who underestimetes him, and from the way he talks he seems to hold one against Tsunade as well, is it because of that punch she was going to give him?

If he really is angry at her he could have given her back her necklace, after all he doesn't care anymore about being hokage.

Lastly, is the awesome Anko coming soon?
Tuan Anduril chapter 3 . 7/29/2008
Great Plot and story idea. I agree with assault strike though in that your grammar is horrendous. There are unfortunately parts in the first three chapters where the grammar errors can confuse people, and the reading becomes slow and choppy as a reader has to go back to what happened in cannon to mentally straiten the confusion. Simply pick up a beta reader or two, and have them pre-read the chapters ahead of time.

Oh, P.S.

There's an error in one of the paragraphs where Kakashi and Sakura are talking in chapter two, that makes people go "WHAT!"

"She had to be saved from Yamato because she was knocked up by Kabuto." That sentence would imply that Kabuto got her pregnant and then had to be saved from Yamato,(angry it's not his kid? p joking) not by Yamato.
Yami T3nsai chapter 1 . 7/28/2008
Great Story
Irishfighter chapter 3 . 7/28/2008
Great start
Ultimate PringerX chapter 3 . 7/28/2008
your story has a good idea. and i like it. the only thing i consider is fix some of the grammar mistakes in the story. they make the story sound a lot better and easier to read.
spedclass chapter 3 . 7/28/2008
Awesome chapter keep up the good work and update soon!
noah009 chapter 3 . 7/28/2008
i hope you update soon.
spedclass chapter 2 . 7/28/2008
Awesome chapter keep up the good work and update soon!
spedclass chapter 1 . 7/28/2008
Awesome chapter keep up the good work and update soon!
1,062 | « Prev Page 1 .. 61 68 69 70 71