|Reviews for Fragmentation|
| Sailor Pandabear chapter 1 . 2/3/2011
| Peeka-chan chapter 1 . 7/29/2009
This is utterly awesome. I love the way things are stated as if they are everyday occurrences (which they are) yet for the audience that is reading, there is no undercurrent of subliminal messages telling how exactly this equates to human terms. 'Cause it doesn't. The action is fast paced and gets my anxiety meter high because I desperately want to know what happens to Chromia and the sparkling. This story is well written as well and I cannot tell you how much of a joy I have had reading this. So now on tenterhooks, I'm eagerly awaiting your next update. _ Thank you for sharing your work!
| Quelara chapter 1 . 6/10/2009
Great chapter! I'm really interested in seeing what happens. Hopefully you update.
| Dragowolf chapter 1 . 8/21/2008
This is a great story! Love it!
I love how you protray Chromia! I cann't wait to see how she grows and changes!
More soon please! This is a great story!
| MrQuinlansBloodDoll chapter 1 . 8/12/2008
Nice! Update soon!
| Litahatchee chapter 1 . 8/3/2008
Good lawd...I. am. impressed.
This is a fine piece of work. Your writing and descriptions are awesome! I can practically see everything that is going on. I love the detail.
The way Chromia is 'learning' in the very beginning is very cool. I love how you gave the teaching modules lesson numbers and names. And the data port! I have that too, so I was excited to see that someone else has thought of it as being located at the back of the neck. I think I've read it in a couple of stories, but I like the way you have portrayed it here. You have it as being so...normal. You write about it as if it is perfectly natural, which, of course, to a Cybertronian, it is! LOL! But, I am impressed with your ability to convey that to me as a reader. And I laughed at how the information was downloading slowly, as if her mind is elsewhere, as must of ours are when we are studying:) Very nice detail!
The way you wrote Chromia's reaction to the initial explosion is amazingly realistic; how her vision tilts and fizzled before she even heard the noise. Dude, I love this story already!
The chaos that ensues is perfectly paced and I love the way you introduced Mayday and her sparkmate. You did a good job showing the way the bond works there, with Mayday feeling it in her spark. You sure you haven't read 'Night Fire,' or any of Hearts of Eternity's works? 'Cause, holy crap, if you haven't, we think the same way! That's freaking awesome!
The detail you have of Chromia's cooling system, the way it works for her, and projecting warm feelings to the sparkling is all absolutely amazing. And, OMG, is this going to be Bumblebee? I swear that would be the most awesome thing ever! I think I'd die with glee, though what happens to his creators is really sad.
The fight between Firefight and Starscream was intense! And the way Chromia keeps getting thrown here and there by explosions and collapsed buildings is nerve wracking. Your writing is amazing to be able to keep me on the edge of my seat like this!
And I LOVE the pain node that Chromia can hit to disable her pain readings. That is an awesome idea! You have such an amazing handle on what it is to be Cybertronian, from the way they expell and intake air to the way they download information to the way their CPU's process the information and give it back to them. It is all very well portrayed.
Damn, your Chromia is tough. Removing her own arm was particularly poignant. I am loving this story!
"Her processor felt strangely silent, as though she was far removed from the procedure she'd just preformed."
Wow, very good!
"The shot seemed to travel in slow motion in Chromia's perception as it flew on a direct line for Mayday's chassis. As it found purchase and bloomed flames and sickening blue light, time sped back up. Two cries: one the high pitch of an injured femme, the other a thunderous roar of a furious mech added to the havoc of sound and light."
Gah! That's gorgeous in its description, sad in its results. This is great!
"Her internal processes had triangulated it from the instant she heard its call...Before even her CPU could warn her of the dangers and advise alternate courses of action, she had moved...Chromia only felt the heat of a round nearing her and recorded the pale blue optics of the little being she was sacrificing herself for staring up at her."
I don't even know what to say anymore. Again, your portrayal of Cybertronian physiology, the way their CPU works, is flawless. And your portrayal of Chromia, how she thinks, what her gut reactions are, is as equally flawless.
"His arms twitched with the urge to draw his cannons, though his CPU advised strongly against it. His processor had dredged up a video file of Optimus, lecturing in length about the correct times and places for drawing weaponry. Ironhide didn't feel like sitting through another orn of 'protocol this' and 'propriety that.' So instead he ground an intimidating frequency from his vocalizer to scatter the bots unfortunate enough to be in his path and strode on."
OMG! You have his character down to a 'T!' Just this one paragraph, and I'm hooked on your Ironhide. I like how you show his irritable side and his softer side, the fact that his spark is heavy with concern. VERY GOOD!
Awesome, awesome, awesome! Going on my favs and my alerts...This story deserves some attention! And, gawd, your lingo is spot on!
| Misao-CG chapter 1 . 7/30/2008
I must say this. I saw this fic I think yesterday and I clicked to read it, but real life intervened and I couldn't. I tried to read this at least twice since, but then again, something came up and I couldn't even read the first line of the fic. I was particularly annoying, because my guts kept telling that I HAD to read this.
My guts were right. I finally could read this fic of yours and I'm swelling with happines. *O* WHAT A GREAT FIRST CHAPTER! God I wish that I could write actions scenes like yours: I was at the edge of my seat the entire time! Reading it with big wide eyes! AWESOME! The chaos, the fear, the feelings, EVERYTHING! How did you do it? It's just plain awesome and well written!
This fic is a keeper. I want to know what happened to Chromia and that unnamed sparkling, I want to read when she and Ironhide meets, I want to read everything! This so goes to my favourites! Looking forward for the next chapter: I BARELY CAN WAIT FOR THAT! O
Here, have a cookie! Just baked them.
| Lynx Traveller chapter 1 . 7/30/2008
This was a really good start; I gave up on looking on for good transfiction, since it was hard to come by for a while, but your writing style is great; I hope to see more of your work in the future.
so far, nothing noticibly wrong with the lingo; I only know of about 2 other authors who ever went into such mechanical detail in the general descriptions/analogues for human activities such as breathing/cooling, so it was a really nice change.
P.S. any objections to chatting on AOL? thought I'd ask first before just adding your contact.
thanks again for a great read, I'll be watching this one.
| Phoenix13 chapter 1 . 7/30/2008
This is a great start! Another fic with more Chromia and Ironhide interaction. Sweet. Looks like Hide is going to be pulling Chromia's aft out of trouble the first time they meet.
| Nobility chapter 1 . 7/29/2008
I must agree with the reviewer below. You've gotten the lingo down perfectly. The characters truly feel like robotic creatures, something that many fanfiction writers tend to shy away from. So far, this looks to be a good story, Chromia is indeed an interesting character who deserves to get more attention than she's so far received. Not many paint her as a medic in the beginning, they prefer to just write as a female version of Ironhide, but not so in this. Good job.
| Fire Redhead chapter 1 . 7/29/2008
Wonderful! A well-written start with plenty of action and drama to hook me in. Keep it coming, your lingo reads fine to me.
Oh, and the word is "bear" not "bare" When you say the phrase like "bearing down upon", "baring" would mean they are exposing something..."baring their teeth".
But other than that teensy tiny thing your writing is splendid!I look forward to more!