Reviews for Sarah vs Jill
NickyR chapter 9 . 5/3/2009
Man is she tough or what, 6 months of waiting. well im glad she finally gave in.
Red Death chapter 4 . 1/1/2009
Tip: Work on your punctuation at the end of lines of dialogue and sentences. You're missing almost everything except the question marks, and sometimes you forget those as well.

For example:

“What are you doing here” Ellie growled

(Missing a question mark (dialogue) and a period (sentence)

“Ellie, we are back together” Chuck said

(Missing a comma (end of dialogue) and a period (end of sentence))

“Oh you got to be freakin kidding me” Ellie said with a laugh

(Missing a comma (end of dialogue) and a period (end of sentence))

“No it is for real” Chuck said

(Missing a comma (end of dialogue) and a period (end of sentence))

Also, it's not necessary to indicate who's talking after each line. If only two characters are conversing, it's not needed at all. If three or more, it's only necessary to say who's speaking when the third character interrupts the other two.

For example, the scene in Chuck's bedroom where he and Ellie are the only ones speaking, you don't have to indicate who's saying what. The dialogue itself should be enough for the reader to be able to tell.
Fire From Above chapter 3 . 12/18/2008
Nice confrontation.
Fire From Above chapter 2 . 12/18/2008
That progression seemed in line with the show.
Fire From Above chapter 1 . 12/18/2008
Good start.
Canadian Chucky chapter 9 . 8/15/2008
Aw...the very end was ok, but you were doing so well, then BAM (we all know where that is from..heh). I was hoping you would draw it out a bit. It felt a little rushed at the end.
detectivespencer chapter 9 . 8/15/2008
yay! they got together. how sweet ;D

wellp anyways great chap please update soon!
Go-Chuck-Go chapter 8 . 8/14/2008
dang Sarah...she is such a pain in the arse!
detectivespencer chapter 8 . 8/14/2008
jeez, how rude of sarah.

poor chuck. :(

i feel sorry for the boy.. :,(

please update asap. ;D
tshdow chapter 8 . 8/14/2008
Hum, not one of your better chapters. It was a bit simple. May want to work on that a bit.
tshdow chapter 7 . 8/10/2008
Hum, it will be fun to see how you put together how Jill figured out about Chuck.
avsfan91 chapter 7 . 8/10/2008
Great chapter! Can't wait till the next one. I like how Jill needed it so Chuck did not have to try and tell her that he was still in love with Sarah.
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