|Reviews for Invincible|
| maryturtle chapter 15 . 1/2
O POR dios. Tu historia fue buenisisisisiisma,fue genial jajajjajajajajaj, sigue así nunca cambies
| mikeysgirl228 chapter 4 . 12/30/2014
Raph someone needs to hold your hand and let you cry
| Guest chapter 11 . 6/6/2014
Consider revising flow of sentence structure in this chapter, as the bouncing, jagged rhythm is occasionally difficult to read. It suits the chapter theme, but detracts from the reader's experience.
"she pressed the steal into his flesh." steal is to take without permission or legal right - what you mean is steel, the metal.
| Guest chapter 6 . 6/6/2014
'there was no doubt he had chosen wrong' poorly constructed sentence that is oddly textured on the tongue. Consider revising.
'a city that could care less if he lived or if he died.' in this, you suggest that the city cares for Raph - that it has knowledge of his existence, and therefore in some way pays attention to him. What you mean is that the city truly could not care less for Raph, as it is oblivious to his presence, and is likely to forever be.
| Guest chapter 4 . 6/6/2014
Okay, I really have to stop you here.
This is a great story - you have an interesting plot line, rounded characters, and a smooth pace.
BUT THE MISTAKES ARE RUINING IT
I've come across heaps of things in each chapter - using 'to' instead of 'too', 'fore' instead of 'for', 'queue' instead of 'cue'...and these are simple spelling mistakes!
Not only this, but there are grammatical errors as well, in regards to both punctuation and tense continuation! "There was no way this could turn out good"? Really?
Honestly, no matter whose perspective anything is written from, correct English is absolutely mandatory. You cannot write effectively, or be considered as anything more than an amateur if you cannot review and eradicate mistakes from your stories.
Look, I know I'm being way too harsh, but if one thing ruins a story with great prospects, it's simple errors. Your writing is actually great - but there are so many mistakes, I'm being distracted from the story and growing intensely frustrated.
I understand that I may have flamed you to a crisp, but PLEASE. PROOF READ. Pore over your work in excruciating detail before posting - if you don't, you detract value and credit from your story, and you'll end up getting grouchy cows like me harp on about things like this. Find someone to Beta for you, if you like! So many people are willing, and trust me when I say that it is WELL WORTH IT. A second opinion is worth its metaphorical weight in gold - fresh eyes and minds can brainstorm new plot twists and find mistakes thrice as fast as a solo writer ever could.
If necessary, I will haggishly point out further mistakes in the next chapters. Sorry in advance, mi amigo, but the Grammar Nazi never sleeps.
| RedWritingRebel chapter 5 . 6/23/2013
*Deep breath* I must collect myself for a moment... a very long moment.
Wow. I really don't want to sound like a broken record or anything, but the way you write. Oh gosh, it's so beautiful! You are able to convey these complex emotions in a way that makes it impossible not to understand, in a way that reaches into my chest to toy with my heart. It is impossible not to FEEL while reading this fic, ya know? It's just... I am without words even as I am overflowing with emotions. :')
Cheers! your red writing rebel.
| RedWritingRebel chapter 4 . 5/27/2013
The prose! Gosh, it's SO PERFECT. The way you write Raph's inner turmoil is the best I've ever read, it's pure gold. Raw, pure, real, believable emotions. Dammit, I have chills reading this! Absolutely incredible. I love this story already. XD
Cheers! your red writing rebel.
| RedWritingRebel chapter 3 . 5/27/2013
Omigosh, why couldn't I have found this treasure sooner!? This is incredible, prefect, beautiful, and just so freaking RAW. Raph and Leo's relationship is gut wrenching, to say the very least, and the way Don spoke to his brother in this chapter... *gestures wordlessly*
I am in awe at the mastery of this fic. Faved it! XD
And: ""Don remembered well the Raphael who wore his heart on his sleeve, those wide, tear-filled eyes right before he turned and ran from their cruel laughter to sob himself to sleep."" ... wow, it's so awesome and so weird at the same time. Cause my Raphie has an eerily similar past self too, and I had to sit up a little straighter while reading this and rack my brain in the wonderment if I hadn't read this fic before and my subconscious decided to dredge a form of it up in NIU. My browser history turned up clean, and I've yet to get a sense of deja vu... but I still feel a bit contrite at the coincident :(
Just thought I'd say that, cause this fic is rather old and, well, anyone who knows me knows I can't let things go unacknowledged. I also tend to ramble, so I'll shut up now. Heh...
Cheers! your red writing rebel.
| Aster Sapphire chapter 15 . 1/1/2013
Wow, to say the least this was a beautiful story. You have managed to leave me speechless. I srated this ealier tonight and I couldn't stop reading. Simply amazing.
| Yoline Nimai chapter 15 . 9/7/2012
That story was incredible. Thank you!
| madly9 chapter 15 . 1/10/2011
Aaaaah, I love this story! The characters, plot, wording, everything. This is like dessert for a sadistic person (like myself). Glad you wrote this.
| Skandron chapter 15 . 10/22/2010
Wow. Epic and awesome. This story really deserves a chapter by chapter review since each one is so wonderfully dark and descriptive, but I think I'll just sum it up here and say I loved it and have been glued to the screen from start to finish. Wonderful!
| quali chapter 3 . 6/23/2010
That's a rather intense portrayal of Raph and Leo's relationship. It's not merely the squabbling of brothers, but raw hatred. It's fascinating to read, especially how there doesn't seem to be an ounce of brotherly love between them. I wonder if that will change in the rest of the fic.
| JennaLouise chapter 5 . 4/3/2010
Am just rereading this to try and get some inspiration to pick up my TMNT stories again and wanted to re-review this chapter because I think it is particularly strong. I've probably said this before, but I love your use of language and how it paints the picture and pulls the reader right into the moment. I think this chapter benefits more from this art of yours than previous chapters because the POV of the narratives are well defined - sitting squarely with one character as opposed to skipping back and forth as has been the case in previous chapters - this absorbs the reader more. You've absolutely nailed it here and enables the readers to fully immerse themselves in the story.
Still loving this story and can't wait to read the next chapter and the rest. Am enjoying it just as much as I did when you first started writing it.
| LilNinjaWolf chapter 15 . 3/7/2010
This has been an awesome story to read. Sometimes felt a little hard to get through with all the detail, but really showed what both were feeling throughout the whole story. I think my favorite part was at the end when Leo finally woke up saying Don kept his promise. :) It made me smile. Great work and great fic!