|Reviews for Private Detectives|
| BlackEyePea chapter 4 . 5/16/2010
It seems that my "original" idea has been outdone by a greater author. Your character seems a cross between Holmes and Clouseau and is very, very funny. (Never mind that holmes never said "Elementary, my dear Watson" in the books, but its what people remember that counts.) Combs is a wonderful parody of Holmes.
I have also tried to write a Discworld Holmes, but I must say that yours is better.
It's funny, and Diskish!
| Virtuella chapter 2 . 8/16/2008
I liked this one. Very authentic and witty encounter with Death. It's a nice touch that even the scythe has THE VOICE. ;-)
You have an issue with punctuating direct speech. If you go to The Furnace forum, there is a thread called "Help me to write dialogue, you Douche", where this tricky subject is explained in detail.
| pixie freak chapter 1 . 8/10/2008
LOL wowo! i love your story so hilarious soo terry pratchett! please update soon really enjoyed ur story!
| Skykhanhunter chapter 1 . 8/8/2008
Very good. I hope to see more. This is great because it has the same pace and style as the series. Good job
| Virtuella chapter 1 . 8/6/2008
Hm... You are having a good go at Pratchettesque style, and it is rather amusing in places, but unfortunately this story also features a plethora of mistakes, of which the punctuation errors are my smallest concern.
The waters of the river Ankh can hardly flow /in from the sea/. I know there is an element of tidal flow, but that would need to be worded differently. Likewise, a log flume doesn't exactly plunge /upwards/. It's Great A'Tuin, not A'tuine. Port(side) refers to the left, not the right. The get to Ankh-Morpork from the rim, you would pass over the Rim Ocean and the Circle Sea - there's no such thing as an Endless Sea on the Discworld map. Ankh-Morpork is situated in the Sto Plains, not the Morpork Plains, and the posher part of AM is referred to as Ankh, not Ankh Town. Discworld&Pratchett Wiki could be your friend in helping you to sort out these problems.
I am sure Pterry means to present AM as an argument /for/, not against multiculturalism. Witches wouldn't care what Cheery does with powders and chemicals, and they certainly wouldn't run screaming into the hillsides (the very thought!). The wizards probably wouldn't be very interested either. Cheery declared her fimininity, not her feminism (feminism being the socio-political movement). And while Vimes holds that everybody is guilty of something, one can hardly claim that most of the population of AM are criminals.
I was also puzzled by the character's movements. First Vimes is upstairs in the watchhouse with Carrot, then he goes downstairs on his own and tells Detritus to get ready for this assignment. Then he leaves the watchhouse without Detritus, meets Carrot outside (When did Carrot come down?), and briefs him together with Angua and Cheery, but /not/ Detritus, and then Carrot suddenly knows that Nobby and Colon are already on the scene. I found that very confusing.
I hope this doesn't come across like I am trying to bash your story, but I noticed that it's been sitting here for quite a few days and nobody has reviewed it yet, and I think that might be due to the problems I've pointed out.