|Reviews for Moving On|
| cliniquehappy chapter 2 . 10/15/2010
T_T T_T T_T not cool at all to kill off honey not one bit! that is so depressing i hurt for takashi
| RikaNipah chapter 1 . 8/19/2009
LOL! I'm sorry I shouldn't laugh at such a story, but the names of the victims! Higurashi fan?
| Chibi-Chanx chapter 2 . 7/16/2009
Oh noes O.O
| Snake D'Morte chapter 2 . 5/11/2009
No not Hunny-senpai not him!*break down crying*
| KatSin chapter 2 . 3/29/2009
*cries* Poor Takashi... it's not fair that he loses Mitsukuni. That's like Kaoru losing Hikaru!
| uchiha-senna chapter 2 . 1/22/2009
| BookWormie123 chapter 1 . 12/26/2008
Why use names from When they cry-Higurashi?
| hisanachan chapter 2 . 9/5/2008
wow this seems really interesting~!
please update soon~
| Kabbage Kat chapter 2 . 8/17/2008
Found you. -pokity poke-
Seriously, you need longer chapters. It's no fun to read short little... paragraph-type things as updates. No fun at all.
And and and... description. A lot more description is needed to bulk it up. Well, I mean, you could use description or more of a stream-of-conscienceness sort of thing, but that's rather difficult. Description is probably the best choice in this case unless you're looking for a challenge.
...You could get his really ansty. That'd be cool. Angst is good. Very good.
Oh! You're sentences usually always start with the subject. Which is bad. Bad. Stop doing that. Study other sorts of sentence patterns.
On the subject of patterns, your sentence length is pretty good. It's nice to have different sentence lengths, because if they're too close together in number of words, they get really boring to read.
Hope that made sense and you'll take my advice. I still think it's weird you're writing this, but, then again, I am somewhat doubtful at the chance that you're going to finish this. No insult to you or anything but... I just don't think it'll get finished.
| wolfspeaker01 chapter 2 . 8/11/2008
The chapters so far seem a bit short, but the story is good, even if it is sad.
very original. Please update it!
| Red Dye Number Three chapter 2 . 8/3/2008
For the length, this is quite good. Usually stories that are this short don't have very much emotion or plot put into them. Well, the stories that I've read, at least.
The words that you use to convey emotions are very nice, and one of the things that I am most critical about in a fanfiction is emotion. I also liked how on-character you made Tamaki. He does have a tendency to flip-flop his emotions, which proves that you are aware of their feelings.
There are a few small syntax errors, but you can kill those if you go back through with spellcheck. And I'd lengthen each chapter to at least 1,500 words.
But I digress, I like it. Bravo, Etchy. Bravo.
| chronicleofcoincidence chapter 2 . 8/3/2008
O.o Hunny's dead! Poor Hunny! What's Mori going to do without him?
Personally, I think you can make a good story out of this: you have many options. Mori can not move on, or he cannhot, he can start having suicidal intentions (forget that) or he can just have a happy-ever-after love with haruhi! Whatever you want to.
I personally don't love MorixHaruhi that much, I'm a TamaHaru fan, but I don't hate it either.
I think you should make chapters a bit longer, and focus on Mori's loss as to give it more intensity. After all, Mori loved his cousin dearly. Or will it just be a misunderstanding an Hunny is not really dead?